Thailand Girlfriend Nightmare Situation
Like many of you, I had always dreamed of packing up and moving to Thailand.
I'm 28 from England and have been travelling to Thailand for seven years before last year I was offered the opportunity to work and live in Pattaya.
A brand new furnished townhouse, bike, car, decent salary with visa and work permit paid for. It was a dream come true!
I knew that if I was to be living here I planned to not go with bar girls, and I have not. I wanted a girlfriend. I had already been talking with girls on the internet, some great looking girls with normal jobs and lives. This was the kind of girl I wanted in my life permanently. I wanted to respect the woman I spent my time with, and I wanted to live respectably myself too.
It's not easy to stay alone in Pattaya. But I knew I needed to wait. I met two girls from the internet as friends, but that was always the intention from the beginning.
There was always one girl I really wanted to meet and last December I went to Bangkok to meet her.
I had been single in Pattaya for two months before I met this girl, but I am glad I waited. I have never described a woman as 'perfect' for me before, but that's just what she was.
She is Thai-Chinese, 21, from Hua Hin. Beautiful, quite tall (170 cm) great figure, perfect attitude, well mannered, respectful, good heart, lives a good lifestyle, works hard. She had a job with the family business on the evenings and also went to university and worked during the week. This was the girl I had been waiting for.
She was still at university but had a month break. She stayed with me all this time.
We were always happy together and never fought. She never wanted money from me but I really did insist on at least paying when she was with me.
It really was the perfect relationship, we were both very happy. This was my first Thai girlfriend and I was her first Farang boyfriend. That may be true or not, but the way she behaved really did suggest that was the case. I was happy with this true or not so mai bpen rai as they say.
After the month was up, she had to leave and go back to work and university.
Every Friday she would travel for 7 – 9 hours on the bus from Hua Hin to Pattaya to be with me. She insisted on not being reimbursed for this and also bought me presents!
After we had happily spent the weekend together she would then travel back by bus back to school. She did this for two months. Tomorrow she finishes university for the year and we had planned for her to have a break from university, possibly not go back, depending on what is best for her. And for her to come and live with me in Pattaya. We had waited for this for two months and it wasn't easy.
Now this is where it gets difficult.
Last week we found out my girlfriend is pregnant with my baby. We are both very happy about this and I will support them and give everything I can. I couldn't think of anything I'd want more than a life and family with this woman that I love. She will be a great mum.
She went back to Hua Hin and an unbelievable turn of events started to unfold.
My girlfriend's mother insisted we not be together anymore. She has and is trying everything she possibly can to break us up.
But the main thing she has done is taken money from another man to marry my girlfriend, without my girlfriend even knowing!
Her mother knew she loved me and is pregnant with my baby. She has taken this man's money and spent it already. It cannot be given back.
My girlfriend 100% does not want to marry this man whom she does not know. She wants to be with me. We are a family now.
I don't know how her mother can do this to her.
For me it is an impossible situation. I know my girlfriend loves her mother very much and will not want to leave her with this problem. But she says she will not marry this man.
I believe he has paid in the region of three million baht. I really don't have money like that. On the money side of things I cannot compete or reimburse for this.
All my girlfriend wants is to be with me and for us to have our family together.
This man does not know my girlfriend is pregnant with my baby. Taking out the baby is not an option. The best case scenario is he does no longer want to marry her because of this but I do not know. Like I said there is no way of the mother paying back the money.
Will this just be another case of the farang losing money to a selfish money-hungry Thai mother? My girlfriend and I are having a baby and she does not want to marry him, will he accept this?
I know the mother will have a problem with this but it is entirely her own doing. What will be the outcome for her? This man has no legal rights to get his money back. <Oh, yes, he absolutely does! – Stick>
I am currently in Hua Hin and I will see my girlfriend later. We plan to go back to Pattaya tomorrow together like we always planned.
I could really do with some urgent advice and opinions about this. Even some similar experiences you may have had or known about (even though that's unlikely)
I cannot leave my girlfriend and my baby.
I want to marry her, but in reality I don't have money for this – so how can I do?
It was always going to happen I believe, but in the future. I know Thailand and I would always have expected to look after my girl, my baby and her family financially. But I can only do this when I have the means.
I have no idea how this will end up. I believe it is all down to my girlfriend who at the moment is having to deal with all of this on top of university exams and being pregnant because of her mother. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I do not know how a mother can do this to her daughter…
All feedback welcome, but understand I simply cannot walk away.
Email – Ciderheadbrit@live.co.uk
A few random thoughts first: Why did you insist on paying this woman when she was with you? Why would you allow her to leave university before she completes her degree? Education is important and completing her studies would give her more options and ultimately be good for both of you.
Are you really *sure* that the story about your girlfriend's mother accepting 3,000,000 baht as a dowry is true? It does not ring true to me at all. I wonder if perhaps this is a story being fed to you by your girlfriend as part of an effort to get you to "outbid" this fellow and pay a ridiculously large dowry to her family.
First of all, 3,000,000 baht is a VERY large amount for a dowry and a family that asked for such a dowry simply would not let their daughter go to Pattaya of all places to spend the weekend with a foreign man. In the case of the alleged dowry, there is no way a Thai man would pay this amount without a large ceremony. Had he known that your girlfriend has been boning a Pattaya farang and carrying the foreigner's baby there is no way in the world he would have gone through with it! Anyone paying such a large dowry would have done their due diligence on the family of the lady they intend to marry and as such, the mother's alleged comments don't make sense to me. And let's face it, if what your girlfriend claims that your mother is saying, she knows that it won't be long before too your girlfriend is obviously pregnant. What will the guy think then? He will know she has been boning someone else…or maybe he will think it is his own – because if on the off chance this guy does exist, then maybe, just maybe, your girlfriend has been boning this guy as well and as such he may think the baby is his! Maybe the other guys is true and she really is pregnant and she is been playing both of you? Or maybe the guy doesn't exist. Or maybe she's not really even pregnant? Who knows?!
Yes, I am a little cynical, but this whole story does not add up and things don't sound right to me. I reckon you're either missing some critical information or there are some events that you don't understand correctly.
If it were me, I would first of all confirm that your girlfriend is indeed pregnant – and the only way to do that would be to get a pregnancy test carried out at a big name hospital. I would also instruct your girlfriend that you would like to meet with her mother and discuss the issue. That's what I would do.
* A note on dowries in Thailand. Thai law covers dowries. If a dowry is paid before marriage – as is often the case (sometimes the dowry is paid at the actual marriage ceremony) – and the betrothed does something before marriage which would be considered grounds for cancelling the marriage i.e. she screws another man, Thai law clearly states that the dowry must be returned in full.