Stickman Readers' Submissions March 25th, 2014

Thailand Girlfriend Nightmare Situation Response

Let me shortly describe my background to give you an idea about my competence in the matter. I used to visit Thailand, mostly for business reason since 1981 at least 3 times per year, gaining a lot of experience with the people and the entertainment
scene as well. I never had a bargirl-relationship. Six years ago I moved to Thailand after retirement, following my Thai wife, working at a university, but not dependent on any money I earn in this country. I’m not too fond of the Thai
culture they are so proud of because it mainly serves as an excuse to neglect foreign advice. Have a look where Thailand is in the ASEAN capability-ranking and you get my drift. My wife who is 15 years my junior is an academic too, earning her
own money and saved already a good sum before we met. I paid a dowry, because it’s a custom, but back then my wife told me, “Even if it’s one Baht, it’s oaky for all of us; it’s only about the tradition.”
Her parents are both retired government officers with a pension, which is not a fortune. They raised 4 children, all of them with a university education; they saved every penny being now independent of their kids living in their own house. Of
course the kids will take care of them when the time comes. You will agree this is a very capable and modest, educated Thai family, I highly respect; money has never been an issue between us.

About your problem, I fully agree with Stick – this is a well prepared, sophisticated scam and nothing else. Get the hell out of that! You are obviously nice and attractive, and as a farang you are generally ‘rich’ to most Thais.
Even if you have no big assets, as a young and educated man you are in any case a high-potential ‘earner’. This family tries to get both a caring and decent son in law and an exorbitant dowry or a nice additional income, or both.
Sorry to say, but you behaved not differently to the ‘billions’ of other stupid farangs who are robbed blind day after day by clever Thai girls and their families, though on a higher level. What happened is mostly the result of naivety;
all your measures (yet) are whining. What you urgently need is a clear plan. Get your situation straight right away, or these people will squeeze every drop out of you, money and quality of life.

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The facts: You missed to gain any crucial information about your spouse, or didn’t provide us within your paper. 1. What kind of family business is it exactly she used to work in; what was
her salary / share? Is it profitable (net income / months or year)? 2. What exactly is she studying; what is the goal of that education; are there documents? 3. Does she currently have a steady income or some savings? 4. Should this guy from wherever,
who allegedly bought the girl behind her back from her mother (do you really believe this BS? If yes, you are lost!) exist in reality, how did she or her mother get to know him? 5. Finally, where is her family living and how, with how many (dependent)
people? How many siblings, and if yes, what are they doing?

My advice. Even if it may hurt for a while, break up immediately and clarify the situation. From others gain the information mentioned above. The split-up can be temporary if things turn out positively.
Be strong, gain personal advice if necessary. Tell them you are unwilling to pay that much money; don’t bother explaining your financial situation in detail (CAVE!), as it is not their concern. Don’t negotiate – this is not a market.
Should the girl love you, she will finally stand by you and give you proof for everything, including the pregnancy. She, not you, will have to deal with her family. No mother in a family as described can sell her kid to a stranger. That’s
a lie! If your girlfriend claims to have your child, she has to prove it after birth (DNS) in any case. Then of course you have to support the child, not the mother and her family (if not married).

Summarizing: If this is a scam or not is easy to find out. If yes, split up for good, because people don’t change and Thais are master class liars and pretenders! Luckily you are still not
in ‘deep shit’, assuming you told us the whole story. If no scam, make your accurate statement about the dowry and financial arrangements in general, and live happily with your wife and your kid. Don’t misunderstand; there
are thousands of decent, honest, reliable, educated, lovely Thai women around. I know what I’m talking about, because I was (very!) lucky. However, to find them is not at all easier as it is in your home country. Good luck!

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