More Practical Thoughts
This kind of replies to and adds some thoughts to the recent submission 'I Don't Get It' by Anonymous, a writer who seems to think kind of like I do.
When a woman and a man get together for the long term, they typically do so with the (often unacknowledged or unspoken) intent of procreation.
This might not apply so much to older guys who get together with younger women. But it certainly applies from the younger woman's perspective, if she seems to push for commitment. She views her man as a resource. Plain and simple. She wants to secure a future for her and a baby, not share those special moments and just enjoy life.
Of course, exceptions abound. Often, in some cultures more than others, a husband and wife not only make a family but also run a business together. A fine reason to couple up, in my opinion. Practical and mutually beneficial.
Similarly in more educated circles, two people who studied the same subjects or who already have careers in the same field will unite. It makes sense. Specialized fields have their own lexicons and vocabularies that outsiders might not understand in context. Like attracts like (but of course, opposites too attract, such is the fickle nature of chemistry).
At times I too have fallen for the idea of having a partner for recreation. Here in the West we have many adventurous, courageous girls who could enjoy life to its fullest with her man.
Since I like to travel light and 'rough it' so to speak, I experience a certain attraction to hippie girls. Yes, it kind of turns me on when a girl can go a few complaint free days without a shower if one is not readily available. Such tomboys suit my chaotic, mobile lifestyle.
But the problem with these empowered, independent minded women who work on ski slopes in winters and as river guides in summers is that they will hold out to marry or commit. The tragedy of it all, I have observed it over and over. She will enjoy her beauty and independence while in her 20's, then at 35 or so start to freak out!
Why? Because she realizes her time ticks away to make the procreation happen. So, after years of going from one relationship to the next, holding out for the best possible mate who has both status and good looks, she will suddenly lower her standards. And I pity the fellow who falls into this.
A good question to ask her (though she might fib the reply): did her previous relationships end mostly on her accord or was she dumped over and over? If she was dumped many times, she is going to carry baggage and self esteem issues that make for drama. If she dumped a lot of guys, she probably harbors some serious manipulative tendencies.
Lots of overlap with Thai bargirls because they are pretty independent too, like the ski bunnies I mentioned. They can afford not to latch on to a guy. Sure, they probably got burned early on by their first Thai boyfriends, but they got over it, found the industry, started making money, and now they might hold out for the best possible (richest primarily) husband.
My point? I guess I mean to say that women for the most part have ZERO interest in guys as partners for recreation. Romantic dinners, sunsets, hikes, etc. mean less to the typical woman. They may claim to enjoy these moments but day to day they can live without you. They don't need sex as much as we do. And they often think of us as slobs.
The best course of action? Think like them! And seriously consider NOT committing or marrying UNLESS you plan to procreate with her, and SOON. That's the traditional point of marriage anyway! This modern concept of romance has few examples in ancient literature (arguably none, depending on interpretation).
Personally, when I look at a woman and consider anything more than fling with her, I think 'do I want to have a baby with this gal?' She needs to fit certain criteria for me to face the potential jealousy and possessiveness I usually experience in a relationship. If I have no interest in procreation, I can have sex with her, be friends with benefits, and not care if she bangs other guys. Pretty much evolutionary psychology 101. I get jealous because I might get cuckolded. I want to know for certain that the baby I work to support and care for carries my genes.
If you have no desire for children, maybe stay single and just use women for sex, short time. You might get lonely, yeah. But be practical, for crying out loud. I say this to my future self too. I have to stay keen and in control of myself because I fall hard when I do. I rather like the practice in Thailand of having temporary girlfriends. Tour guides, with sex benefits. Treating them to a trip upcountry, them showing a new part of Thailand to me, and good sex. Then it ends. They go back to work.
If a guy wants to procreate, many good women exist to do it with. She will only respect her man for making clear from the get go that the partnership has a baby as a goal. Much of the basis of 'romance', and the reason why relationships fail, stems from this initial lack of communication. If she claims she doesn't know whether or not she wants a baby, chances are she means WITH YOU. If prince charming with an exciting career and model good looks showed up and promised her the world for a family, she might let him impregnate her that very night.
Women prioritize wealth and status over looks in a man. Men prioritize youthful good looks in women, as a marker of fertility. Women have a different sense of time, especially as they leave their 20's. A 35 year old guy might think 'I'm in no hurry to have a kid, I can start a family in ten years if I want, when my career get more in order.' A woman will rarely think that, if ever.
I think this sense of time, with less pressure, might contribute to guys falling in love with women. We have all the time in the world, so why not enjoy that time with a fun partner? To hell with children! Well like I said, you might find a (younger) woman who thinks the same way, but she will probably dump you when you fall too hard. Because she has not yet felt the pressure of her biological clock, and she will feel tied down and smothered by a relationship. If she has a lot of value and looks good, she will have choices. Human nature dictates that when we have lots of choices, we tend to doubt our decisions.
Only the best looking AND financially successful guys have as many choices in women as beautiful women do in guys. We compete for them, because women signify a scarce resource. Sperm exists in abundance. Men are expendable. Ovaries and eggs not so much. With one woman left in the world and 100 guys, bye bye humanity. One guy and 100 women? We're good. Because that one guy can produce 100 babies. One woman can only produce one every year or so for fifteen years of her life at the most.
Yep, even in Thailand, the rule applies. Because of poverty, the odds are better in guys' favor and the girls work harder and put out easier than in 1st world countries. I have my issues with that power dynamic, sure. Exploitative though? Depends on perspective. It funnels cash from the rich global North to the global South. And if a guy treats the working girl with some decency, all the better. She could get fined by a real weirdo instead.
Thailand also has more sexual permissiveness and less guilt because of Buddhism and lack of puritanical Abrahemic religious influence. So guys who travel there and find sex easier to get don't just benefit from the poverty alone. But it does help to be in decent shape and treat the girls well. Lose the gut, learn to smile and take the time to get her wet before sticking it in.
If a guy wants a girlfriend to just live life with, without kids, his best bet remains a post-menopausal woman. She will have calmed down a bit, and unless she got burned too much by guys, she might have an even keeled demeanor. The problem though: we just don't feel that spark for older women. So yeah, while our mind could think 'no I don't want kids, at least for now', our limbic brain, our subconscious thinks 'step 1: find fertile woman. Step 2: get her pregnant.'