A Possibly Atypical Bangkok Bargirl – Part 5 – My 2 Baht
As I look at the whole Thai girl scene, I find that considerable frustrations on the part of Farangs occur because many of us take the baggage of failed relationships in Farangland with us to Thailand, the Philippines or elsewhere in SE Asia. Asian women may be raised in a different culture, but they are still women first and foremost with all the emotions and drama that go with being women. If you don't believe me, try this thought exercise: put several women of different races and nationalities in the same room. Let one or two of them bring their own newborn baby with her. Then you'll see how quickly the cultural boundaries are crossed as most of the women in the room will fuss over the baby(ies) because they will have motherhood in common and that is a universal experience.
If you had a problem with female drama in Farangland, you will very likely have it again in Thailand or the Philippines, there is just no way to get around that. There is a great tendency on the part of many Farang men to shift the entire blame for the failure of their Farangland relationships onto the Farang women in their lives. But I say to you, she may have been a bitch, but what did you do to invite that conduct? How did you enable her to act like a bitch? How well did you vet her in the first place? If you played some part in the destruction of your marriage in Farangland, but you do not acknowledge it, it is guaranteed you will revisit that with an Asian girl. Even an Asian girl trained to stay in the relationship will only take so much before she has had it with you.
If you want a successful long term relationship with a faithful Thai (or Filipina) woman, it is possible, but you must have your inner self together and you must not tolerate crap conduct. Further it helps to have picked someone who is not what Americans would call batshit crazy. Haha, just think of all those Stickman submissions about the different flavors of craziness among Thai women. Definitely something there in all that entertaining reading about some other Farang's misfortune. Did I escape that? Well not entirely…
I will not go too much deeper than this as you can find reams of blogs on the Internet delving deeply into these matters. (Along those lines, I can recommend The Rational Male blog as a good starting point. Further discussion of these points is for some other article or forum.)
I will say this much: Jane (I mentioned her in Part 2) was my long distance girlfriend so I visited the Philippines several times over the next couple of years. I lived in Manila for 2 months in 2006 (in between my weekends in Bangkok), then averaged about 3 to 5 weeks per trip starting that fall and continuing to this year, 2008. In addition, I spent hundreds of hours in Yahoo video chat with her. Yes, dear reader, I even sent her a few bucks though I drew the line short of funding a business. I may be a fool, but I am not that big a fool. So no regrets. There might be a submission or three buried in those adventures in which I may poke a little fun at myself for playing the part of the typical Farang boyfriend. Think they might have said kano boyfriend in the Philippines. Same, same, but I digress.
Back to the current subject: I met expats in several different areas around the Philippines, starting with Manila and including other destinations as Jane and I traveled around the country. While I do not believe I'll retire there, I still have a certain fondness for the country that belies its Third World status. I got into numerous discussions with these expats about relationships. Not a hard subject to bring up since nearly all expats are there for the women, whether it's mongering or marriage and wow, so many of them like to talk. Some of them would tell me they were the dear saints of their Farangland marriages, but then I would find out that they were not doing any better with the local women, yet they would continue to wax poetic about them. Nice, that. But not much looking in the mirror, so sorry, have to be honest about that.
Many women in Farangland want a leader in the relationship; feminism hides it well as the typical bamboozled man does not reckon that he needed to hold on to his balls until it is too late. But it is not just Farangland women, it is also Thai women. In fact, it is universal. Women in a relationship tend to want their man to provide leadership. Now in Farangland, we could say that is quite daft because feminism has sufficiently affected the culture so that the women here do not have the same sense that women elsewhere do. Yet I still see many successful relationships wherever I have gone. I lived in a dozen different places in Farangland in three different countries and traveled around Europe, Australia and North America for both business and holiday. (Though sadly I never made it to Kiwiland.) The main ingredient here beyond the cultural compatibility is that the man of the marriage is not afraid to stand up for himself.
Now back to Nat: that was her legacy, her gift to me was to leave me thinking about relationships, both short and long term, and my part in them. It took me over 2 years since that visit to finish the story to this point from the time I first thought about writing it. The process of writing forced me to come to grips with my thoughts around women, around what I might want from them as I get older. I was married once before; it did not last. My part was that I did a very poor job of vetting my mate and then taking everything that happened personally. So I hope I can take what I learned and move on. With a good dose of the red pill, of course. Do I hope to see Nat again? Well Jane is getting all my attention and resources at the moment so I do not know where I'll fit in another visit with Nat.
If you are still reading, thank you dear reader for slogging this far and allowing me to voice my two baht worth… Now that I got this off my chest, I can rest as I wish Nat well.
Update from 2014: I wrote Parts 1, 2, 3 and some of 4 in late 2006 to early 2007, then finished parts 4 and 5 at the end of 2008. I just never got around to submitting it. So only minor edits have been made except that Part 5 got some more revising before I could let it go to print. Big deal you say, why am I blathering on like this? Well it turns out Nat and I are not done yet. Hey, hey, believe it or not, there is more to come. Stay tuned.
To be continued …