My Normal Thai Lady
I have lived in Thailand for just over 5 years. A little outside Bangkok City in the Nonthaburi area.
I met my partner about 8 years ago, when I visited Thailand for a short business trip.
After I left, we stayed in touch casually, but slowly our long distance relationship grew into something more.
Being 65 years old and my partner being 40, you would say that's a huge age gap, which calls for a lot of potential problems.
Allow me to address a few things:
My partner is not a bar lady. She is highly qualified, has a masters degree, has a fantastic, well-paid full time job as a logistics manager, owns her own house, has never been married before, has no kids to support and no obligations to anybody. She worked very hard to pay off her house completely and has now done so.
She is not a high class lady but comes from a middle class family. She has worked herself up to the point where she is today.
Furthermore, her English is extremely good, while my knowledge of the Thai language is still crappy. (English is not my mother tongue either – I am Danish.) However, during the years of our relationship we of course have problems misunderstanding each other due to some small language barriers.
Having read many negative stories about farang partnerships and relationships, which she and I have discussed many times, I feel it depends how you prepare yourselves.
Before I retired and moved to Thailand, we thoroughly discussed the pros and con, for both of us in a farang / Thai relationship.
She has advised me to study Thai culture first, and she has studied European cultures at the same time.
We were never in a rush to become partners and we both have taken the let's see approach, and let's take our time. I was busy in Europe preparing for my retirement, and she was (and still is) busy with her job and her life in Thailand.
To make a long story short, 5 years ago we decided that we might give it a shot. I moved to Thailand, and we have been living together ever since in peace and harmony in her house.
So are there not any discrepancies? Of course there are. Before we decided to live together she clearly told me:
1. Thai women can be very possessive.
2. Thai women are in general very jealous.
3. Family comes first and not the (farang) guy I live with or to whom I am married.
4. Given our age gap, she does not want to have kids.
5. She loves her job and is not giving it up for anybody.
6. She has no keen interest in a marriage because she said if our relationship does not work out I shall be the first one who runs.
7. She has a temper.
8. She has no interest in living in Europe for a longer period of time, she loves Asia, and travels occasionally to South Korea, Hong Kong, China mainland and Vietnam.
There are of course other culture differences that we talked about before deciding to live together, but those are the most important ones.
At the time she told me, if you don't understand the culture gap and if you are not willing or ready to accept those, we have no reason to give it a try.
It may sound as if we are in some kind of business relationship, but it is absolutely not. We love each other very much, she is very caring, goes out of her way to do something for me and is a fantastic partner (in all aspects.) Of course we have our differences of opinion and due to her temper she does blow up once in a while, but that lasts never more than a day so I just let her be, leave her alone and it'll be ok again after a day or so.
Money issues: not once in all those years has she ever wanted one single baht from me. I can leave 10,000 baht or whatever openly in the house somewhere and she will never touch it or never even ask for anything. The only remark she makes is: you better put it in the bank because it's safer there. She is very proud making her own living, having paid for her own house, saving every month for her retirement (she makes about 90,000 baht per month).
I had to fight her for me to make contributions towards the cost of living in her house for utilities and regular expenses. If I want to buy her something nice let's say a nice dress or a nice pair of shoes or a leather purse or whatever, the first thing she says is, let's walk a little more, maybe we will see the same or similar thing a bit cheaper somewhere else.
However what she appreciates is that I make her breakfast in the morning, take her to work at 7 AM and pick her up in the afternoon when she is done.
She is also always worried that I get bored during the time she is at work. (I don't because I have enough interests to keep myself busy.)
In the weekends we commit ourselves to go out, away from the hustle and bustle and find nice places to relax and pay attention to ourselves.
So far, this has worked out very well over the years.
Family: She has her mother and a brother who live in their own place not too far away. Although she does not talk about it, I know that she and her brother support their mother financially because their mom is retired and only has a small retirement income, because her dad passed away some 30 years ago.
Occasionally we pay them a visit and her mom and brother have always been very nice people and they have been very welcoming.
Moral: Have I been extremely lucky with this lady or what?
Basically I think that the negatives about Thai ladies come from bar girl / farang relationships, not preparing themselves well enough, thinking that after a week they MUST have that girl they slept with and paid every day.
If you just take your time, intensively study the culture differences between the two of you, look for a normal non-bar lady (I absolutely do not want to discriminate bar ladies because I fully understand why they do and have to do this work and I never look down on them), I feel that with a little bit of luck, but more with hard work, it can work out.
I must admit, we don't go to Pattaya, or to Phuket, beer bars, or whatever and I have absolutely no desire to go there.
My lady is extremely loving and caring (yes, possessive and jealous) and goes out of her way to make me feel comfortable with her and keep me happy. I adore her and shall do anything to keep her happy too, because I know if our relationship is not working out any longer she will be the first one to run. Having told me that before we decided to commit and live together, she said keep your house and whatever you have back in Denmark, just in case (which I did), but so far I have no desire to live there as I am completely happy with her over here in Thailand.
Maybe it is because she does not need a farang or a Thai guy to support her, I don't know, but so far so good.
What shines through in this submission is the honesty from each partner. Cultural differences can be overcome if you are both open and honest with each other – and that is clearly evident in your situation. Long may your shared happiness continue!