Breaking My Own Rules, With No Regrets
To provide some background, I'm a retired Yank that spends about half year in Thailand, the rest traveling back to the states or elsewhere. I grew up poor working class, but was fortunate to get a good education and enjoy a fairly successful career, though by no means rich. I have lived and / or worked in most of the major cities in Asia as well as South America and Europe. I look and feel my age, to quote Will Rodgers "I've travelled a long way and sometimes the roads were unpaved".
I first came to Bangkok around 1990, and over the next few decades visited Thailand off an on for holiday, Bangkok, Phuket, Samui, Chiang Mai. I wouldn't consider myself a "monger" or active in the pay 4 play scene, but I have over the years visited the adult venues and taken out working girls. I always treated it as just a fun night out, hopefully some pleasurable sex with a nice lady, but it was purely a business transaction. I never understood guys that visited Thailand to find a wife, or fell in love with a bar girl and lost all their money. Sure, you might get lucky, but I felt the odds were against it working. There are plenty of good looking, educated women out there to have a relationship with.
I had a few rules, or perhaps guidelines is better, when going to the bars in Thailand. These included:
* Remember that the young lady you meet is a working girl, her motivation is money, not looking for love. As tempting as she may be, and how sad her life story may be, don't fall into the " she's different" trap and think you are Prince Charming to her Cinderella.
* Don't go with the same girl for more than 2-3 nights in a row, otherwise you might easily start to fall under her spell and start believing the BS she says. When she says you are handsome, or she likes older man better than young man- can anyone honestly believe that.
* Pay her the agreed upon amount, and if very happy give her a nice tip. But if she starts hinting at sponsoring her, giving money to help her parents who either (pick one) had an accident, tractor broke down, house was flooded, walk away.
I had some very pleasurable encounters with bargirls over the years, but treated it as a business transaction, nothing more. Never got emotionally attached to the lady, but on a few occasions it was tempting.
Then, a few years ago, I was in Bangkok for a few days before catching a flight to the states. I was up for some company, hopefully meet a lady to spend 2 days and nights with. Was staying at JW Marriott, so decided to check out Soi Nana. First went to the outdoor beer bars, had a few drinks, talked to a few ladies. Some good lookers that would have been good for short time, but not interesting for a day or two. Then wandered into Nana Plaza, went to a few of the gogo bars. Was pretty disappointed with the quality, and a few good looking girls I bought drinks for didn't speak much English, or didn't go long time. I called it a night and went back to hotel.
Next day, I realized I needed a different game plan. I had never used an escort agency in Bangkok, but thought I'd see what's out there. Went online and found many different sites, with pictures of great looking girls. I am of the "if it looks too good to be true it probably is" view, so after reading a few negative reviews I realized that some of these were classic "bait and switch" shops. I saw a site that said "independent escorts" so looked at that site. A few lookers who claimed to speak good English, so I started calling . The 2nd call the lady picked up (call her Nina), and we had a very pleasant conversation. She spoke great English, had a college degree, and had been escorting for less than a year. She had a great sense of humor, so I asked if she was available that night and spend the next day as well. She was, but said she had to leave around 7 PM the next night for a girlfriend's birthday party. I gave her my hotel info, and was anxious to meet her.
When she arrived at the hotel, she really took my breath away. Very pretty with a great, slim figure, dressed very nicely – I don't like the slutty look. We went to have a bite to eat and drinks, and get to know each other. Turns out she is from a farm family in Isaan, but she was a good student in high school, and they scraped up the money for her to go to college. She studied business, but got pregnant late in her senior year with her Thai boyfriend. After school, they lived together while she stayed home with the child. A few years later the relationship ended, and she left her child with Grandma and took an office job in Bangkok. She's very attractive, and was able to pick up some part time modeling work, swimsuit model, convention work. She showed me photos on Facebook, including her at graduation and her prior job, so I believed her story.
Her goal was to save enough money to buy some land and a house in her village, and do some farming and maybe open a business. After a few years she realized that she wasn't saving fast enough. On one of her model jobs, she met a lady who worked for an escort agency, and said she should try it, the money was good. Nina didn't want to work for an agency, but designed a website as independent escort. Kept her day job, initially worked only some evenings and weekends. She started building up a regular client list, and many wanted her to accompany them on vacations, or business trips for a week. So she quit her office job and did the escort thing full time. She said she enjoyed the travel, generally liked the clients, and that within 2 years she would be able to meet her savings goal.
She was delightful in and out of bed, I had a great evening and had a nice relaxing day, lunch, saw a movie. I was very sad when she left, and we exchanged emails and said keep in touch, but I said to myself you know the rules, don't get emotionally involved. Easier said than done! On the long flight to the states I kept thinking of her, and over the next few months we exchanged weekly emails, and I found myself looking forward to returning to Thailand.
When I returned, I booked her for a few days and we drove to Hua Hin. Had a nice relaxing time, and enjoyed being with her for a few days. We went our separate ways, but I found myself wanting to see her again. Over the next 12-15 months I saw her 3-4 times, we would go somewhere nice for a week or so. I was violating my rules , and it was expensive, but sometimes emotions win out over logic. I understood that I was a client, not her boyfriend, but I did feel close to her. She never did ask me for any extra money, though I did buy her birthday presents on my own.
In one email she told me that she had paid off her car, her home in the village was finished, and within 4-5 months she would be able to return to her village. I had very mixed emotions – I was happy for her since that was her goal, but selfishly I was sad that I wouldn't see her any more.
I asked what her other clients thought, and she laughed and said she had 2 marriage proposals and one guy would pay her money every month as long as he could see her when he was in Thailand. One guy wanted her and her child to move to Europe, the other guy willing to move to her village. She said she wasn't sure, but that she was not leaving Thailand, and asked what about me? I said as much as I love spending time together, I was concerned that the age gap is too big, and I had doubts I would be happy living in a small, rural community. I didn't mention my rules about getting emotionally attached.
I saw her once before she returned to her village. It was emotional, but I wished her the best, and hoped we could remain friends and keep in touch. I told her that I think she's a very smart woman, and if she ever needs anything don't hesitate to ask. If she has a good idea for a business in her town, I might be willing to make her a small loan or be a partner. The cynic in me said don't do it, but I trusted and had confidence in her, and at that point saw her more as a friend than a romantic partner. She wound up marrying the European guy that was willing to live in her village. I congratulated her and sent a wedding present, at this point I just want her to be happy and be there for her child and mother.
Well, a few months ago she called and said she had an idea for a business in her town, and was I still interested in being a partner or making her a loan. I said sure, but show me a business plan, start up costs, expected revenue, fixed and variable expenses and I'll take a look. She had studied business in school, and sent me a pretty detailed business plan and budget. Though the amount she needed for start up capital was a lot for her, it was not that much to me, so I agreed to it. I consider it like a loan to a family member – you might get repaid, but often you do not, so I hope for the best but assume I might lose it.
Well, that's my story. With Nina, I basically broke all of my rules or guidelines in dealing with working girls, which I never thought I would do. But I've learned that sometimes your emotions get the better of logic, that's what makes us human. And I think as long as you go into a transaction with your eyes wide open, knowing the risks, you should have no regrets if things don't work out. Also, it's important to take intelligent risks, knowing what your possible loss is and that you can manage it.