Readers' Submissions

Different Stages

  • Written by Pacho
  • January 23rd, 2014
  • 6 min read



Hello Stickmanites,

Yesterday I had nothing really important to do, and so I read one of the last weekly columns about Khao San Road. That brought back old memories from my first visit to Thailand. I was really astonished how many things I remember, and I was getting sentimental… Today is Sunday, and I still have nothing really important to do so I want to share these memories from the old days with you.

It was the Spring of 1994 (the 20 years had a certain effect on me getting sentimental), and I visited Bangkok with two friends. The city was totally different from the Bangkok of today. There were few skyscrapers, they were building the platforms for the skytrain and there was no MRT. Your main means of transport were old buses and tuktuks and both exhausted huge clouds. So if you complain about air pollution in the Bangkok of today, I can't stop laughing. The Bangkok of 1994 is – together with Bogota and Cairo – the worst place for air pollution I've seen.

Now I have to reveal some secrets about myself. I was 28, young and a handsome man, as they say… I had shagged some of the most beautiful creatures of this planet in previous years. And I was not especially needy, but my last relationship had ended some time ago.

And I had never spent a second with the thought of “pay for play”. O.k., my friends were wiser than I. They knew if you want sex in a certain moment, there are exactly three possibilities:

1. You look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney (and even I in my arrogant way have to confess that I didn't look like them).
2. You have to be incredibly lucky.
3. You have to pay.

My first contact with the industry (man, was I inexperienced) was when we decided to get a massage. We got to the first tuktuk, said “massage”, and the driver had a grin all over his face. I said to him, “Hey man, we don't want a sexy massage. I want a massage from an old blind man!” No sense in all the talking, he drove us directly to one of the great massage parlours near Rachadamri Road. I stood in front of a fish bowl with maybe 60 girls (and they were beautiful girls) and couldn't believe what I saw. We left without action.

Second contact was Patpong. We strolled through the night market (smaller than now), were a little bit intimidated by all the harassment, and eventually landed in a second floor bar. I'm not able to remember the name, but man was it good! The room was packed, you had 6 or 8 naked girls on the stage all the time and everybody was in a party mood. The girls were performing the infamous shows. The girl who was doing the “p%ssy with banana show” gave me a short look, made a fast movement, and the banana missed my ear for maybe 10 centimeters. I can even remember it was my right ear!

Next came my all time favourite, the “p%ssy opens bottle show”. The girl gave me a friendly smile and showed me the trick. I think I don't have to explain further. I stood there – again speechless – and my only thought was: If I tell my old mother in rural Germany what I saw some moments before, she will say: “Boy, get off the drugs. These things don't happen in this universe!”

The next day came. We did some of the touristy things and in the evening my friends decided: “We have to use the opportunity.” I said: “Ok guys, this p4p is not my thing. But I will go with you, drink a beer or six and we will see where we get.” The tuktuk brought us to a smaller, somewhat cozy place. My friends decided on a girl, and we agreed on meeting again two hours later.

I strolled along, and two hours later I got back to the bar. Obviously my friends were still busy, and naturally a girl came to me. I said to her: “Hey girl, you are wasting your time. I'm not looking for company.” She said that's not important. I believe you know the rest of the story.

60 minutes and two lady drinks later – my friends were back in the bar again – I took her to the next short time hotel. I didn't know the difference between short and long time. I don't want to go into details but the girl was a dream. Perfect girlfriend experience. Think of sun, moon and stars… I'm sorry I don't have a photo of her and after 20 years I'm not able to remember her face. I just remember the long black silken hair. And the feeling. As I said, I'm on a sentimental journey.

On this trip we made our way down to Koh Samui and up to Chiang Mai, but these are different stories.

Fast forward to 2006. I had been many to Asia many times but this was my first visit to Thailand in 12 years. Due to some special circumstances my sex life in this period was dry. And we are talking about dry like in “dry like a valley in the Arabian desert in summertime!”

I have to confess some more facts. I'm not especially in to Asian woman. If you ask me where I saw the most beautiful women I'd say without a second of thinking: Colombia, Venezuela and Brazil. And Sweden, Italy, Austria and Hungary. And don't get me started about my good old Germany.

But Thai girls have two big advantages: Availability and affordability. So this was the right place at the right time for me. I only spent some days in Bangkok, but it was a hell of a time. Then I got to Cambodia.

Since then I have been in Thailand every year. Mostly as a starting point to Cambodia, Vietnam or Laos. But my circumstances have changed completely. I've got in to a longer lasting relationship with a German girl. You are in a different state of mind if you meet your girlfriend the weekend before your trip and she is trying to shag you into coma. You have a different attitude to Thai girls.

I started in Bangkok in November 2013, did a big loop up north to Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, Chiang Kong, over the border to Laos, southward in Laos, down to Udon Thani, down to Bangkok. And then I spent my last 3 nights in Pattaya. I had a hundred or a thousand opportunities to get in bed with a Asian women. And I just lacked interest. I believe that I'm now the holder of a world record. I have been in Pattaya two times for all in all 5 nights – without sex. Pity me!

So, that is enough rambling about my three different stages of inclination with Thai girls. But one more point:

Often I' reading a complaining submission to this site that the Bangkok of today is not the same as the Bangkok 20 years ago. I'd like to ask you to reconsider two facts:

1. No town on this earth is the same like 20 years ago. Not in the U.S.A, not in New Zealand, not in Europe. And specifically not in Thailand. Or Asia..
2. And more important: You have changed too. You are not the same person that was willing to sleep in a bug infested rat hole for 200 baht.

So, my friends: Happy hunting