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3somes, Tourist Traps and Other Random Thoughts From Pattaya

  • Written by Anonymous
  • January 1st, 2014
  • 7 min read




Latest Report from Pattaya

On the evening of the 26th I was exhausted but decide to eat out. I walked down Beach Road and found the Wave Hotel which has a restaurant called The Cadillac Cafe. This little beauty is parked out front.



I ordered the surf and turf. I think this was like 1,200 baht for everything. Totally not worth it. Barely any lobster and the meat was high school lunch room quality. It might look tasty but it was gross.



After dinner I decided to take a nap for an hour or so. That nap ended up being 5 hours and I woke up at 1:30 in the morning. Usually I have picked a girl by then and am back in my room with them and so I have never really been out that late in Pattaya. I threw on a hat, brushed my teeth and headed out to find trouble. I took a moto-taxi to Walking Street and decided to hit Alcatraz. I had good luck there last year. There wasn't much motivation in me this night so I entered, got a beer and sat back and relaxed. Is it just me or is the stage a little smaller than a year ago? Maybe it was just my angle by the front door that made it seem that way. As late as it was there were still some hot looking women sitting around and dancing. I ignored them all and kept drinking.

Finally a girl approaches me, sits down and I buy her a drink. Her English sucks but we muddle through with the translator on my phone. Another girl on stage keeps looking at me like she knows me. Wait a minute…is that the girl that I had keep on her Police uniform to go dancing with last year? Maybe it is.

When she finishes her set she comes over and says, "I think I know you."

I ask her if I had barfined her last year.

"No, I have only been working here a few months. But you may have barfined my younger sister she has worked here a long time", she says.

That doesn't explain how she thinks she knows me but she says she has a "sense". Ok whatever. I ask them both if they want to go dancing. Yes of course they do. Barfine them both at 1200 each…at 1:30 in the morning I might add. Barfines between Christmas and New Years in Pattaya are completely insane but if I don't like it, I guess I can stay in the sois and get bargirls.

We head to Insomnia and have a lot of fun dancing. I ask them if they both want to go back to my hotel. Yes, of course they do. It is only when we get to my room that I realize how drunk the girl who thought she knew me is. Oh man, she is wasted, talking about love…not everything is money. Oh my God.

She says, "I can not do three people like this".

"Ok fine up to you", I say.

"I will stay and watch but you still pay me ok?"

Sigh….no I'm sorry not happening.

She eventually leaves but then comes back because she forgot her phone. Super loud talking about love. I am just dying with irritation. The other girl was a ton of fun but what a pain in the ass it is to bring back two girls sometimes.

In the future if I want a threesome I will go to places like Eden Club, Devils Den etc…where they specialize in it. Otherwise it is often amateur hour and I am paying for a huge hassle. Always exceptions to this I suppose but more girls quite often is a worse experience and of course doubles your costs. A threesome at one of the abovementioned clubs that specializes in it is awesome and you are in and out…all business.

I'm trying to write what I did between the 27th and the 31rst. The play by play isn't that compelling but I have been taking notes on various bars and restaurants so I will share that now.

First off Dicey Riley's did have a Christmas buffet this year. I had gone in search of something new and failed. I stopped by for lunch one of the days and asked the manager who confirmed I had missed out. I did have a great cottage pie that afternoon at Dicey's.



I also had dinner at Mulligan's one night. It is located on Beach Road next to the Central Festival parking entrance. Really good fish and chips. I cut everything up and then remembered to take a picture. Ooops. Real beer tastes like heaven after days and days of Thai beer.



I also hit some tourists places one day. I rented a car and driver for the day from the hotel. You know I have been listing prices to be helpful in case people want to know but I keep seeing posted articles with people complaining about two week millionaires. One poster said we wanted to impress people or whatever….I'm anonymous so not sure what good attempts to impress anyone would be. I am not sure I should feel bad about working my ass off all year and then coming here and unleashing hell. But anyway, the car and driver for the day were 1800 baht. Toyota Camry. You can work this out with the desk folks at LK Empress.

I went to the Open Zoo. Totally lame. I only spent an hour there and bailed.



Then I went to the Tiger Zoo. Decent tiger show. The alligator show wasn't as good as the one I saw in Phuket a few years back. They have pig races. Get your pic with a tiger. It would be a ok for a family. The gift shop has some unusual items for sale by the way.








On the way back to Pattaya I went to the Sanctuary of Truth. This place is awesome. Everyone should check it out. It is huge and built completely with wood. You can also get a horse drawn carriage ride, ride ATVs and shoot guns. Not sure how that goes together with Buddhism but it was nice to have those options.


Sanctuary of Truth




Sanctuary of Truth




Sanctuary of Truth


I am using a camera on my phone. I'm not a pro like Stickman but I hope the pics at least give an idea of the flavor of some of these places.

On the 29th I did my Secrets yacht cruise. In true shameless two week millionaire style here was the total cost for this excursion.

Yacht rental for the day – 36,000 baht
Food for me and 6 girls – 7500 Baht
Had to bar fine the girls – 5k baht
Gave each girl cash for their time for the day – 12k baht (2k each)
Short timed one girl below deck – 1.5k baht
Tipped the captain – 2k baht
Tipped both boat boys – Total 1k baht

So a grand total of 65k baht for a day on a private yacht with 6 beautiful woman checking out all the islands. It was a blast. Huge drunken party with music, bbq, beautiful ocean and beaches. Loved it. I recommend it. Just make sure the girls have sea sick pills. Three of them got sick for a bit. The only thing I think they should improve is the sound system as it really needs an upgrade for the price you pay. The captain is a great guy. He is Thai but speaks very good English. It is kind of funny that I only had sex one time on the boat but it was more of a party atmosphere rather than a sleazy take one girl after another below deck type of day.

My view from the boat.


Pattaya Bay


In between all this I barfined six different women and hit endless bars. Here is some info I learned about a few bars.


Tahitian Queen – Beach Road

Tiny gogo bar. Packed with older gentlemen. 50% fat women 50% passable. 130 baht for a beer.

Soi 13/2 (600 baht barfines for all these places)

Far East Gogo: 110 for my beer 110 for lady drink

Club Nevada: 65 baht Heineken draft for me…the lady I sat with also ordered a Heineken which was also 65 baht! Wow!

Miami Disco: 100 baht Chang, 130 lady drink

Walking Street

Airport: Raging crazy action. Girls doing soapy shows. Was totally small but crazy! J and European customers…and I guess at least one American. :)

Angelwitch: This is supposed to be a big deal? Not many; women tons of men. I stayed in there like 30 seconds.

Discos (Lucifer vs. Insomnia): Both places have poor excuses for electronic music. However Lucifer's is far far worse. I really hate that place. Insomnia has amazing Gogo dancers and plays danceable music. You can pick up freelancers easily at either place but I would rather masturbate than ever step foot inside Lucifer's again.

I am so damn exhausted from partying. I'm sure my writing is suffering for it. Its New Years Eve and I am so glad to be in Thailand. Moving to a Sea View room tomorrow morning.

Happy New Year from Pattaya!

American Ling


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