Readers' Submissions

To Bang Or Not To Bang…

  • Written by Pecadillo
  • December 14th, 2013
  • 4 min read


ThaiSpy


To Bang…

In the U.S., I couldn't care less if a woman is unfaithful. I actually encourage it. I eschew emotional involvement. So I am not impacted by a woman's stratagems.


Operating effectively in any environment requires having your 'ear to the ground'. An understanding of the underlying. And concomitantly, advancing your ability to thrive in that environment derivative of knowledge of the environment with which you find yourself immersed.

Thailand is a wildcard.

As a tourist, we can flout Thai convention. Big deal.

But if I lived in Thailand, and I was billeted at a serviced apartment in an upmarket location, I would play the game. You won't see me in shorts and flip flops.

" Why risk ruining a future relationship with someone worthy of your affection by saving a few baht by taking a woman every Thai knows is a hooker back to where you live? Would you take a hooker back to your place in Farangland? So why do it here?"

Thai Expat


" Bangkok is full of short-time hotels, curtain hotels, love hotels – call them what you will. A room in a short-time hotel runs but a few hundred baht. Short-time hotel customers are almost invisible. In a country where face and reputation is everything, that's worth much more than a few hundred baht."

Thai Expat


" The real problem with taking a Thai hooker back to your condo is the staff in the building. From the security guard to reception to the maids, everyone will soon be aware of your misadventures. One person sees and soon everyone knows. The average Thai has a mouth like a radio station. In their eyes you have taken a low-class hooker back to the place you live, something no Thai man would do, something they can't reconcile."

Thai Expat


My residence has always been my castle. In Thailand, particularly at President Park, beautiful girls worked in the administrative offices. I got to know all of them. And I took Peem and Rose to lunch at Baan Khanitha several times. They only saw my polished persona. It is a strategy that worked.

Many expats don't care about perceptions. They are fools. Even middle class Thai men are very discreet.

Thais make judgements based on your actions and presentation. So why should one be agitated about Thai reality. My gambit…exploiting that fact to my advantage.

No modern sexologist can top the richness of language and feeling in lines like these, penned by the Tunisian poet Sheikh Nefzawi in The Perfumed Garden hundreds of years ago: "And when the cessation of enjoyment puts an end to your amorous frolics, take care not to rise brusquely, but withdraw your member with circumspection…In this way nothing but good will result."


The Obverse

"Young men should know the truth about the penalties that follow in the wake of the unchaste. The slightest departure from the continent life out of wedlock may bring physical torments, racking pain, mental anguish, and a self-accusing conscience, besides a long list of ills too numerous and horrible to mention."

The absurdities of Victorian revulsion ring anachronistic. However, a night of carnal bliss might sap one's strength or compromise one's moral compass.

The Pope

"If the Catholic church wants celibate men, why don't they just recruit guys who've been married for thirty years?"

Philosophy

"Some ancient philosophers thought that semen's grayish froth was a little bit of the gray matter between our ears–and, therefore, not something to be indisciminately spent."

My error in 'the land of a thousand smirks' was the inevitable bonding that occured.

I should have billeted myself at the Pattaya Hilton/Marriott. But, if I had done that, I wouldn't have learned a fraction of what I learned derivative of full immersion in Thai culture with a Thai woman. Remember, she was my chauffeur, my culinary artist. and translator.

Safe Egress

Handled politely, one should be able to find a suitable egress from Thailand with a close to 100% probability.

Handled impolitely, the dark clouds of impending doom would have ascended into this world from the bowels of hell. It would not have been good. Not have been good at all–also with a 100% probability.

There is strangely no middle ground. Thailand is, after all, a country of extremes – either fawning politeness or lethal violence with nothing in between worthy of comment.

So there you have it. Your life – resting on one's ability to be polite under duress.

From a British engineer/expat living in Thailand for 15 years. "I have witnessed personally quite a few irritating loud-mouths come to a sticky end here due to not realizing how dangerous it is to be an impolite git in Thailand."

Quite simply, the penalty for impoliteness in Thailand is death –Surely everyone knows that!

Git …Total and utter tosser who is incapable of doing anything other than annoying people, and not in a way that is funny to others; idiot.

Tosser …Noun, British slang; slightly offensive term: dick head, jerk, idiot, bit slow and rough, a non-violent bully, loud and rude + not brightest bulb on the tree.

Distillation

With my unsuppressible confrontational skills (executed with consummate professionalism and politeness), I believe I had a 98% probability of being savaged in Thailand. It still amazes me that I egressed safely.