Is Dating A Bar Girl As Bad As It Is Made Out To Be?
Is dating a bargirl as bad as it is made out to be?
Let me start with a brief background on me. I'm a 33 year-old male from Australia, divorced with 2 kids, got married too young, terrible sex life, constant demands for more – bigger house, newer car, you get the picture. I lost most of my life savings up to that point, house etc. in a nasty divorce which was over 4 years ago now. I fought hard to keep my kids in my life and keep her greedy little hands off the small business I had just started at the time, an all too common story these days that I will not bore you with any more details of. I work during the week and take care of my kids most weekends. I don't drink very often. I don't smoke or do drugs. I'm not much of a party animal. I do however enjoy the company of girls rather than talking shit with the boys. I have had a couple of girlfriends since the divorce but in my home country it seems girls my age are seeing their biological clocks ticking and if they aren't married and have kids they are in a hurry to do so, and the younger ones see me as damaged goods. I have found it near impossible to find a decent halfway attractive female that would want to spend quality time with me. I'm ok with that. I don't see myself as being the step-dad type either and I'm not looking for a step-mum. My moto in life has become fast food, fast cars and fast women.
Which brings me to my first trip to Thailand 18 months ago. My best friend from high school and I had talked about going to Thailand for years, but about all we knew was that it was tropical and the shopping and sex was cheap. I got a package together and we were set for 2 nights in Bangkok and 8 nights in Phuket. I had an older friend with a Thai girlfriend at the time that filled my head with all the warnings of bargirls and jet ski scams, but we were still very wide eyed upon arrival.
First night in Bangkok was spent getting taken to a dodgy ping pong show in Patpong and paying too much, then on to Soi Cowboy and trying to get coyote girls to come back to our hotel, rookie mistake and all part of the fun.
Second night was different, and we headed to Nana plaza and it blew us away. I don't think there is anything quite like that first time you set foot in a gogo bar. Sure we have strip clubs in Farangland, but there may be 10 girls putting on a show, the cost of a lap dance would be a short time in Thailand, and the chances of them going home with you are slim to none. I remember walking into Rainbow 2 and my jaw literally dropped, so many beautiful girls, my friend and I just looked at each other in disbelief. We sat down and I asked the waitress "Do these girls come home with you?"
"Sure which one you like? I will get her come sit with you."
Of course we soon learnt that as blonde-haired boys from down under we were in the wrong bar (rookie mistake) so it what was off to Rainbow 4 and Angelwitch.
It was at Angelwitch that I would meet the first bargirl I would spend the night with. She wasn't the prettiest girl I had seen that night but she spoke good English and was the sweetest girl I had ever met. My mate did the wingman thing and barfined her friend and off we went back to our non bargirl friendly hotel (rookie mistake). All 4 of us were giggling like school girls, we stumbled in to the hotel foyer with our 7/11 snacks and paid the ridiculous "guest" fee. One of the best nights of my life ensued and as I boarded the flight to Phuket I realized I had fallen in love with a bar girl (rookie mistake). I spent the next 8 nights having a good time in Phuket but my Bangkok beauty was always on my mind. I even contemplated going back to Bangkok.
After returning home and the benefit of hindsight and advice from a Thailand veteran, I realized my Bangkok beauty probably had a farang boyfriend/father of her child, very good English, no phone or email address, used her passport for I.D. and the mention that her daughter have big eyes like the picture of my daughter. Despite this I had a great time and it was only a matter of time before I would return. My Thai veteran friend put me on to Stickman's site and I read reader's submissions and books like Private Dancer.
Within a year I had returned to Thailand 2 more times. On my first night back in Bangkok I headed straight to Angelwitch to see if I could find my girl. I was told my Bangkok beauty had moved back up north. I didn't ask to many questions, and my advice from my little bit of experience in Thailand is you don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. I was happy for her, it would have been more sad to return and see her still stuck in the game. Maybe I dodged a bullet with her not being there?
I went on to meet another amazing girl at another bar who showed me parts of Bangkok I would never considered visiting. She even took me to meet her grandparents, the classic girlfriend experience. When it came time for me to return home, the only promise we made was that we wouldn't forget each other. Well she said she would work in a bar but not go with customers. I knew better. We kept in touch on Facebook, she would have Thai boyfriends, pics of her would even end up on Stickman's weekly. There was never any malicious lies, it was an open friendship I guess, and life went on. When I returned on my third trip I went and had a drink with her, but knowing there was a Thai boyfriend in the background I decided I would keep my options open. Another girl at a different bar and rinse and repeat for trip 3. On my last trip I even used a Thai dating site to set up a date with an attractive prim and proper office girl. It was as boring as it sounds.
So with 3 trips to Thailand under my belt, and all the info I have read I'm still waiting for the sick buffalo story. The worst thing I've had happen with the 7 bargirls I've come into "direct" contact with is a couple of chocolate bars missing from the mini bar and a request for 500 baht to go to hospital which I didn't pay because the cover story wasn't believable. I have no doubt there are bad bar girls out there. I have met some. Usually I find out while still at the bar, sometimes I don't find out until I'm back at the hotel, but that's ok as I just try my luck at a different bar the next night. I don't do short time, only long time, and I'm guilty of treating them all like girlfriends for the night or the week, whatever it may be. I'm not ashamed to say I've brought meals, dresses, hand bags, haircuts and a cheap smart phone for Thai girls in my travels, nothing super expensive though. The most expensive thing I've done is pay a month's rent of 5000 baht for my female office worker friend. She said she would pay it back but I told her not to. I figured it would be good to have someone in Bangkok that owes me a favor and is not in the game, plus reading Stickman I have learnt you don't lend a Thai anything you want paid back.
Here is my opinion on dating bar girls. There are a lot of negative stories on Stickman alone about the perils of being involved with working girls, but my theory is the guys that are happy in their farang / bargirl situation aren't writing pages on why they are so happy because they have better things to do. There is no motivation to let others know you're on to a good thing. It took me 18 months on and off to write this. I would have got it done a lot quicker if I was heart broken and depressed sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. There is also the backlash they know they would get and the warnings of "It's only a matter of time." Or the shame that is put on them by those superior expats that met there superior non working girlfriends online or the BTS. I'll continue to take a peek at the dating sites before my trips to Thailand but when I'm at an expensive dinner with a good girl in some soi 11 bar, I'll probably be wondering what all the fun girls are doing down the road at Nana and Cowboy. I don't think I'll ever get married again, but if I do, she will probably be Asian, probably be Thai, and probably be an ex bargirl, but for now I'll do what the bargirls do and keep my options open.
My friend and I were looking at videos and pics from our first trip to Thailand, he turned to me and said "It's those eyes isn't it." I said "Yeah, sharks eyes, women here in Australia are just fish, it's a lot more fun to swim with sharks, but that's because there is a chance you may get bitten."
At the moment you're a paying customer enjoying bargirls' company, paying them for their time and presumably both parties are getting what they want – and that's great. I don't think saying you're *dating* these girls is using the right term. Isn't dating what you do when you take time to get to know someone and try to build a relationship that may lead to something permanent? It doesn't really sound like you're doing that.