Readers' Submissions

My Input On The Ladyboy Debate

  • Written by Jay C
  • October 17th, 2013
  • 6 min read


There's been quite a lot of talk of ladyboys on Stick's site recently and I have to say I quite like it. I am attracted to ladyboys myself and do not consider myself to be straight. At least not 100%. I find it funny that in the comments section of a recent sub regarding the third sex Stick mentions getting feedback from ladyboy lovers who don't like being identified as being gay.

I really find this to be an unusual response from someone who is attracted to ladyboys. If you visit any ladyboy forum people are generally quite open about the fact that being attracted to a ladyboy is a homosexual attraction. If you want to meet a transgender person in Farangland they generally hang out in gay bars. The guys who emailed Stick probably don't represent the majority of guys who go with ladyboys. Case in point me! I didn't email him saying that I'm not gay.

I do find it unusual that I find ladyboys sexy and yet really couldn't fathom going with a man. My few experiences with ladyboys were in Thailand and happened when drunk. At the time I was very self conscious and I have to say that I didn't really enjoy it all that much. I find I become much more aroused when I am at home by myself and fantasise about it. When you are up close with a ladyboy it becomes blatantly obvious that what you have is a "cock in a frock". Nothing wrong with that. Maybe I just need more time to become comfortable with my sexuality? Maybe I am bisexual? Maybe I am a gay man who goes with women? I really don't know. I can say that I would much prefer to be either 100% gay or 100% straight. For me it's all a bit confusing. Oh well…

At the moment I am in a relationship with a South-East Asian non-Thai woman. I am nearing 40 and she is closer to 30. We are getting to a stage where we are really settling down and getting ready to start a family in the next few years. My attraction to ladyboys is something that has bothered me and caused me to start visiting a psychotherapist a couple of months ago. I also "came out" to my partner about my attraction to ladyboys and she was very upset. For about a week. As soon as she realised that I wasn't going anywhere and that I wanted to stay with her then she didn't really give a shit. I think she knows that I am the trustworthy type. I felt that I had to be honest with her about my sexuality. Part of me wants nothing more than to break up the relationship and become a "sex tourist" visiting Thailand. Or playing the internet game. Thankfully I have been an avid / almost daily Stickman reader since 2010 and I can say that I have slowly come to the conclusion that a life in Thailand is not the life for me.

Anyone that can read between the lines can see that there are some MAJOR disadvantages to living in a third world country. Sure the beer is cheap and there's plenty of available sex – what happens if you get sick? Or need work? Or need basic human rights?

There was a fantastic sub by Grasshopper last week that really made me think. He didn't print an email address so I couldn't contact him directly but I feel that we share some of the same opinions. I too like my own company. I'm 40 years young and have plenty of youth left – but the finishing line is definitely in sight. When you're young you don't really think about how your life will be when you're 60. But when you're 40 you most certainly do. What I want for my 60s and retirement is financial security and to be around loving people. People who I love and respect and who love and respect me back. The only real way of doing that is by having a family. I certainly don't yearn for the pitter patter of tiny feet or anything but surely there's something more important in life that sticking your cock in a ladyboy's ass? Don't get me wrong. I regularly fantasise about it. And it distresses me that sometimes I fantasise about ladyboys while I am with my partner but what's a guy supposed to do? This is my life. It is what it is – and like most people it's a work in progress. We live and learn and get wiser as we progress through life.

The type of thing you read on Stickman's site is "you only live once". This generally translates into the idea that you should indulge yourself in life's pleasures while you can still enjoy them. Seize the day and move to Thailand where you will live in a country where you will always be a foreigner and will almost certainly be seen by most people as a source of money. No thanks.

I live in a small country village in Australia where I have a comfortable life and a decent job. I'm originally from the UK where I have brothers and sisters who are very close to me – and who also have their own family. My life in Australia is not super exciting and I don't go out much but I live healthily and do exercise a few times a week. I don't have a hectic social life and enjoy the internet and watching TV shows like Breaking Bad. Yes, I'd love to live in Thailand for a while and have as much sex as is humanly possible but then I'd just end up like a fat pig who over indulges regularly then wallows in self hate. Being a self indulgent pig will not necessarily lead to happiness. I dare say that if I was to start planning for a "life" in Thailand that it could be a very slippery path. Grasshopper alluded to the fact that many men move to Thailand and run out of money and end up jumping off a tall building. How sad would that be? The funny thing is that I can see how it easily could happen to someone. You'd have to be pretty stupid to let it happen but if you throw in a tendency to abuse alcohol then all manner of nasty things are possible. Life can be very precarious.

So I meant to write in an article to Stick about ladyboys and ended up writing about the meaning of life? How did that happen? I think I was inspired by the tone and honesty of Grasshopper's piece. Life isn't for ever and ever. It actually is rather short. I'm not giving life advice to anyone but I would like to thank all of you who contribute to this site for the learning lesson it has been. My mindset in relation to Thailand has changed from reading Stick's site every day. Kind of like a piece of fruit that slowly ripens – I've been able to assimilate the subtleties of what a life in the kingdom could actually be like. If you remove the "honeymoon period" from the equation I can imagine that living in Thailand could be quite a lonely and alienating experience. For me. You can call Farangland a nanny state where everyone lives boring lives if you want, and you'd probably have a point. But life is what you make it and there's good times a plenty to be had over here. Not in the least strong friendships with decent honest people What more would you want?

Thanks for reading,

Jay