Readers' Submissions

In response to “A Man with Options”

  • Written by Tommy G
  • September 16th, 2013
  • 5 min read




I know this is a “Thai-centric site” but the country of origin was obvious in both the submission and your response. Without boring the readership to tears, I think it’s only fair to point out some obvious statistics from the author’s home country.


The US Senate has 100 members, two per state. Twenty are women. (20%)


The US Congress has 435 members. 98 are women. (18.3%)


There have been 6 openly LBGT in the HISTORY of the US Congress.


The US is hardly a country run by minorities. Nor has its great progress in civil rights for minorities and now gender issues been over the top by any stretch. To be a white male and feeling maligned by the US government, to me, shows a deeply flawed social outcast who blames the world for his inability to adapt (i.e. fit in).


For the writer to feel that he has been “shamed into silence” is astonishing. I have never in my life felt that I could not express my opinions publically, regardless of how politically incorrect they might be. If all “girls” in your home country have a “crappy” attitude toward you and you have to fight the urge to “slap them silly”, could there be a larger issue here?


Now let’s bring this back to Thailand. Feeling valued and appreciated by Asian women could be connected to having a western bank account in a third world country. I admit that leaving a Thai ATM machine with a pocket full of baht makes me feel empowered; especially when I’m wooed into the beer bars as I walk down the soi.


Most western women don’t treat me with disdain, and the author’s complaint of young western women being “young, impressionable, idealistic kids” because they don’t find him, at 60 or so, to be attractive, is insane. I am close to his age and was first in Thailand in 1974. I’ve visited annually for the last 12 years and find it to be a very affordable vacation that boosts my ego with the nonsensical attention of younger (and middle aged) women. It’s fun but not real. If you start believing that you’re Tom Cruise, just because you’re treated like he is in his home country, you probably have other issues.


I would suggest that the “self-unexamined” label be applied to the author. Thailand has become a perfect landing spot for misogynistic losers to find somewhere to fit in. It seems that the more flawed the person (male farang), the more addicted they are to the lifestyle. I have many friends who have retired in Thailand, not in Pattaya (no slight intended), who have great respect for local traditions, no animosity toward their home countries, and a love or at least appreciation for most things “Thailand.” Over time they have additional frustrations, often with government bureaucracy or cultural issues, but most retain an enormous respect for the beauty of a country and culture they consider to be a Shangri La. And I think they’re mostly correct.


For a male who is respectful of females, has an informed opinion and has secured an income, there are plenty of very appreciative potential mates in the US and I believe in the west in general. If women who are thirty years my junior, who I also think are exquisitely sexy, don’t find me to be the same, I don’t think they need to be “slapped silly.” Just admired from a safe distance for the wonderful potential that they possess.


A woman with the good sense to ignore my advances when they (my advances) are out of line should be commended for her good decision making. Learning respect for others is a requirement to be met prior to any attempt at a relationship. If you are unable to do so, stick to beer bars and one night stands. But don’t try to convince yourself or the world that your faults lie with others.


On my last night of holiday several years ago in Lamai Beach, Koh Samui, I had a very beautiful and very young woman from South Africa, with her equally opinionated and equally spoiled boyfriend, take the piss by asking me “aren’t you going to pursue any of these ladies?” I gave her my response, formed by the wisdom of my London mates whom I’d met a decade earlier and have hooked up with every year since. Her respectful laughter at my answer changed her tune and showed me that even the young brats respect people who know where they are in life.


“You don’t rent a woman or a motorbike on your last night in Thailand.”


Words to live by.



Stickman says:

Great response and I love this quote, "Thailand has become a perfect landing spot for misogynistic losers to find somewhere to fit in."

What is as amusing as it is disappointing is that whenever someone challenges those who blame Western women, I receive a bunch of emails – many from regular contributors – saying that the writer is surely female, probably a feminist and may even work for an NGO! Some really don't like this view that the West is to blame to be challenged!

I think it's fair to say that meeting women in South-East Asia is much easier than back at home and the women are more attractive, more accommodating and generally more fun to be with for a guy who doesn't have the options he once may have in the West. When an older guy well past his prime who may not be in the best shape physically and may not have done that well throughout life blames Western women half his age for showing no interest in him it is incredibly cringe worthy.