Stickman Readers' Submissions August 17th, 2013

Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes Part 393

Hello fans and Dana fans: well, we have managed to stagger into Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 393. Three little items. Good luck. And remember . . . ok, I forgot. Oh no, now I remember: Stay Away From Fa.


“The Secret Doctrine takes the form of an immense commentary on certain stanzas in the Book of Dzyan, originally written in the language of Senzar that HPB had learned from Koot Hoomi in Tibet.” — (Madame and the Masters, John Crowley)

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Yeah, baby; all that and a bucket of Koot Hoomi to go at your local Tibetan KFC. Sometimes I get emails from humans not in the Dana Fan Club (DFC) or the Church of Dana (COD) doubting the veracity of one of my stories. Ask yourself this question. Have you ever seen one of my paragraphs in which Koot Hoomi, The Secret Doctrine, the language of Senzar,, and the book of Dzyan all appeared together in some unlikely alliance of cosmic connectiveness and content? Exactly. I think I have made my point. So following this preamble is a simple story and every word is true.

It’s Dana time,

And I want you to know;

I don’t eat tofu,

And I don’t do blow.

Every word in the following

Is simple and true.

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Distilled from my life,

And sent to you.

No need for Koot Hoomi,

An unlikely kat

Just Boom Boom Boomi

And like that.

Or something. Enjoy.


I receive a lot of emails from stargazers and cosmology hounds from all over the world wanting to know if there are any ways to understand the Thai-farang world using astronomy definitions. Ok, so far I haven’t received any of these emails but I probably will pretty soon. Anyway, that is not really the point. Here are six ways to understand the Thai-farang experience if you are an astronomer.

1. Absolute zero: the point at which a substance has no heat. You know, like your Thai wife three years after you have taken her to Manchester or Liverpool.

2. Atoms: tiny particles of a substance. If you look you may find one in a bar girl’s head but what’s the point? I mean, what are you going to do with one atom?

3. Big Bang: a super-powerful explosion that scientists believe created the universe approximately 13.7 billion years ago. Similiar to what will happen in your hotel room in Pattaya when your girlfriend finds pictures of other girls. No use trying to explain this. You have already been obliterated.

4. Black Hole: extremely dense invisible object that forms when a massive star collapses from its own gravity. Nothing inside a black hole can escape, not even light. What you will be in if you stop giving your Pattaya girlfriend money.

5. Galaxy: a huge collection of stars, star clusters, dust, and gas that measures thousands of light-years across. Similiar to a Rainbow Bar dancer’s brain. No focus, and anything can be in there, and anything can happen. Beautiful to contemplate at a distance, dangerous and possibly lethal up close.

6. Singularity: an infinitely small and extremely dense point at the center of a black hole where time and space stop. Experienced by me when I am talking to Ting under a palm tree at night on the boardwalk in Pattaya. I can see her soft brown shoulders, I can see her chest rise and fall as she talks, and I can smell her hair: time and space stop. Bliss.

Well, there you have it astronomy enthusiasts: ways to understand your new world from your point of view. Just don’t overdue it. The only inflation theory the girls are interested in is in your pants, carrying a tripod and telescope will work against you later when they find out it does not take pictures of them, and mentioning Einstein’s anything will cause them to pass out from boredom. Think of time on the boardwalk as telescope time you had to book in advance and that is costing you money: be efficient, be focused, be happy. Supernova 1994D can be seen on the outskirts of galaxy NGC 4526. At least that is what they say. I think I saw her on the boardwalk six years ago and her name was Mort.

Sincerely yours,


* with apologies to The Mysterious Universe by Ellen Jackson


Women have three stages of life.

Youth — “I love horses Daddy.”

Adult — the estrogen pestilence years.

Elderly — they become clean freaks or religious freaks. Sometimes both.

The only years available to women to make material societal contributions are the adult years. But they do not make infrastructureor material contributions and have not done so in five thousand years. In fact, the subject never comes up because there is nothing to talk about. Look out your window. Everything you see was envisioned, and designed, and risked, and financed, and built by men. Contributions to physical civilization by women are approximately zero.

What do adult women do? They bleed, and they breed, and they shop, and they complain. An estrogen pestilence is man’s reward for building the world.

Women have no interest in morals, achievement, progress associated risk, or philosophy. And as soon as they no longer need the eggs fertilized through the sex act they have no interest in men. This is the future.

So, if your Thai girlfriend or your Thai wife treats you trivially–do not get upset, get smart. She’s the harbinger of the future. Your future. She’s the warning shot. She is the bugle sound before the social charge. Her indifference and her predation is your future. She’s the future estrogen pestilence you can’t survive. Start packing.

You are holding doors for women? You are dancing around like a pathetic bear in a Russian circus trying to attract their attention and earn their approval? You are living with a Thai woman? Would you choose to live with Denque fever, or Malaria, or a twelve foot king cobra? What is the matter with you? Are you crazy? Start packing.

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