Stickman Readers' Submissions August 6th, 2013

Chiang Mai and The End of the Road

Walking out of the airport in Chiang Mai, I felt an unusual calm…all the hustle and bustle from Bangkok was suddenly gone…I took a deep breath and was instantly relaxed…ahh…this is why Chiang Mai was recommended to me…slower, smaller and cooler than Bangkok… also, there are a great number of expats here. I wanted to meet and talk with them about retiring here.

There are also a number of colleges here, where, if I played my cards right, I might break through into the inner-sanctum of a college girl clique…the ever elusive holy grail of an old man/young girl relationship…an almost impenetrable fortress feared by all but the bravest…a foreign man in a foreign land…opposite cultures in motion and language barriers to be broken…the odds would be stacked against me. However, if I dared, I would need some help… it would take a partner on the inside…or a wingman, if I had any kind of hope at a chance to make it happen…but I digress.

He Clinic Bangkok

There are also 300 temples and a reggae bar in Chiang Mai, which had good reviews on Lonely Planet…the reggae bar that is, not the temples…well I'm sure they are nice temples, but are there people who rate temples?…I'm sure there must be, in this day and age… who rates them anyway? … and what would the criteria be for rating a temple? how much gold paint is used on the temple and the statue of the Buddha?…the comfort level of the kneeling pillows or whatever they call them…the type and color of string the monk ties around your wrist after you pray? How about a monk rating? is there such a thing as a five-star temple?

A taxi driver at the airport asked which hotel I was staying at… "Don't know" I replied. He asked where I was going…"Don't know" said I. "Where do you want to go? "… "I don't care, why don't you just show me around your fine city for a while…" I felt free…living in the moment…taking it all in.

It had just gotten dark and I noticed that the city did not have many street lights…It seemed austere and foreboding…not a lot of traffic until we got closer to the center of town.

CBD bangkok

The taxi driver said he'd hook me up with a hotel…some place cheap and close to the fun. He said "use a condom".

It was a decent hotel. I think I paid 900 baht per night with breakfast included…maybe a bit too much, but it was close to the Night Bazaar and the Chiang Mai equivalent of Soi Cowboy…Loi Kroh Road.

I settled in at a strategic area of a bar to people-watch and check out the Bazaar. Had dinner with a few beers and watched the tourists shop for tourist stuff… quite a few tourist buses here…organized tours…they all would be on the bus leaving at 6 AM and arriving back at 9 PM…drones, sheeple, lemmings, organized, anesthetized…apparently there is a jungle with tigers and zip lines and paintballs and stuff about 30 minutes away. Meh…maybe I would.

I met a guy in his mid-thirties who worked in the Peace Corps way down in south Thailand, where it is unbelievably hot and humid year round…

wonderland clinic

"So how long have you been working for the CIA?" I asked, referring to the world's perception and/or myth about the Peace Corps…"I guess the word is out" he said…"I can't wait to get back to Kansas".

Lot's of couples and pretty girls here… it was then that I felt alone…maybe even lonely (there is a difference between the two you know)…and I began to think about my Bangkok baby, whom I was so enchanted with…why only hours ago I was so very happy embracing my charming little china doll so tenderly… so intimate…so intense, yet comfortable and warm…and moist. Oh why did I have to leave when things were going so well?

I wondered if she had a new customer tonight…in place of me. There was no doubt that she liked me…at least a little…kind of… well maybe…a wee bit? She couldn't have faked that whole encounter…hey I am an experienced sugar daddy for God's sake! …I know when things are faked and when things are real! But then I thought: maybe I should bone up more deeply in regard to such things, by reading sticky bro's website, tomorrow morning at the internet café.

I was kind of sad and melancholy and tired so I called it a night.


As I lie in bed in the Chiang Mai morning, staring at the ceiling…my thoughts replayed our time together… I could think of nothing but her…swimming in the rooftop pool at the Dream Hotel after close time. The downtown Bangkok skyline surrounding us…dark…with no lights on in the pool, warm water, alone together with only the sound of splashing water…

She giggled a lot and yelped when I would let go of her…she could not swim, and she held on to me the whole time… a sweet, innocent, womanchild…my little girl…someone to take care of.


She trembled and twitched as I kissed the corner of her parted lips and the hot lobe of her ear. A cluster of stars palely glowed above us, between the silhouettes of long thin leaves; that vibrant sky seemed as naked as she was under her light frock. I saw her face in the sky, strangely distinct, as if it emitted a faint radiance of its own. Her legs, her lovely live legs, were not too close together, and when my hand located what it sought, a dreamy and eerie expression, half-pleasure, half-pain, came over those childish features. She sat a little higher than I, and whenever in her solitary ecstasy she was led to kiss me, her head would bend with a sleepy, soft, drooping movement that was almost woeful, and her bare knees caught and compressed my wrist, and slackened again; and her quivering mouth, distorted by the acridity of some mysterious potion, with a sibilant intake of breath came near to my face. She would try to relieve the pain of love by first roughly rubbing her dry lips against mine; then my darling would draw away with a nervous toss of her hair, and then again come darkly near and let me feed on her open mouth, while with a generosity that was ready to offer her everything, my heart, my throat, my entrails, I gave her to hold in her awkward fist the scepter of my passion.

Vladimir Nabokov—Lolita


Did that get you in the mood? Did it make you randy? "Scepter of my passion?" Hahahaha!


NOK airlines…the Southwest airlines of Thailand…new company, new planes… new young, pretty, enthusiastic employees…and oh that smell !!… that new plane smell …straighten up and fly right ! NOK NOK…who's there?


How could a sweet girl like this work at a bar? Earning thirty bucks for an hour or so with a fat ugly falangro?

They are that desperate I suppose…and if you gotta do something…do it well…some will do anything. They have to do the best they can with what they have to make money…it is a job and acting goes along with the job. Acting goes a long way toward making the money to support themselves and to send home to their rice farmer family in the Isaan.

But there is something more to these girls… inside them…an innate cultural instinct?…to please the man?…I truly believe it is in their DNA. Or maybe—they just enjoy partying and f##king around….she said that she had only been doing it a month…I don't know.

She enjoyed it far too much for it to be an act… I thought she truly liked me…and maybe more.

Anyway, I wanted to get her the hell out of that bar at all costs…she just didn't belong there…

I MUST RESCUE HER…(for my own selfish gain).


I think I was in Chiang Mai for five days…it's difficult when there is only one lonely brain cell left in the memory banks…and as we all know: "one is the loneliest number".

After wandering around the first full day and getting lost…sheesh I must have walked ten miles…I found the party street Loi Kroh Road.

Just like the Soi Cowboy, I surveyed the street first in the daytime…reconnaissance. Stopped for a couple of beers at the internet cafe half way down the street…

But I was still looking for the Rasta Café…I love reggae music…but not even the taxi or tuk tuk drivers knew where it was….so I turned around and headed home.

Chiang Mai is actually a pretty city… with a huge moat around much of the city and a river running through it…

The city proper has only 150,000 inhabitants…but in the suburbs, which are VERY spread out, there are about a million people.

So anyway, later in the evening, I walk to the beginning of Loh Kroh Road and sauntered down it casually…stopping to chat with the massage girls who had asked me to come in…they sure do love their massages in Thailand…all nice people just having fun…I say: "you know honey, you still have that restraining order against me…maybe I shouldn't come in."

Stop to eat some rice and vegetables and shrimp…oh and beer…I'm almost halfway down the street and this skinny lady grabs me by the arm and takes me down a kind of side street alleyway…or whatever they call those things…to the bar at the end, on the left, next to a indoor boxing ring…

She asks if I'd like to shoot pool….sure… sounds good to me…let's have a beer! These girls are very laid back in Chiang Mai, compared to Bangkok…if you don't want to have sex, then let's just hang out is the way they do it…not pushy or desperate at all.

Anyway, she had a very nice figure…

After a couple of games, some tall farango walks in. She excuses herself and they are gone…maybe he wanted another night…

So I'm left with the bar owner's daughter…she is gorgeous.

Of course I compliment her on her bangs…'fringes' they are called in England…I think she is the prettiest girl in the whole town…but really no personality…

Then this other girl from the bar next door comes over and tells me that the girl is not a bar girl…not for sale…owner's daughter, big trouble…whatever..

This new girl is not Thai….she's kind of a Vietnamese Burmese Chinese mix…not great looking, but she has spunk and personality…I like her.

Her name is Nik…I call her Nikki…she is the third of twelve girls in her family….her mom squatted, pushed her out, bit off the umbilical cord and carried on with her business…in the jungles of Vietnam…they had no power, no water…but the river was five minutes away.

She told me she would eat anything…huge flying insects…gutted and eaten…python…monkey… anything that moved in the jungle was food. She wouldn't know what to do with a glass of water if you handed it to her…everything was made from bamboo…if the fire went out at night, the tigers would pay them a visit…tigers don't like fire…CAN YOU FRIGGEN' BELIEVE THAT? REAL…TIGERS!! …IN THE WILD!!…Jaguars too I think….very primitive…if they got hungry, they'd climb a tree and grab a papaya or mango…incredible.

It's getting late and I decide to stick with her…ok let's do this I say…but I'm not paying barfine I tell her (I learned this trick through Stick's blog) …she tells me to leave now and walk back up the street and she will pick me up on her motorbike…I like this girl Nikki…we make boom-boom.

The next morning she takes me to her place on her motorbike… a bachelor unit in a large four story apartment complex with an attached, modern shopping center…her rent included electricity, water, cable and internet…5,000 baht a month (about 150/USD)…I could afford to retire here.

We eat, I buy her a purse that she liked and then we get a massage….we check out a couple of golf courses…some are just as expensive as the States, but you have to get a caddie (they are ladies) AND a golf cart, which she drives…sheesh, talk about pampered. About 100/USD for a round of golf…plus tip.

I'm pretty buzzed by this time…it didn't bother her… she tells me to give her all my money and she would take care of me…ok honey, here you go…walked around the farmer's market and ate street food…shopping…bought some Thai made flip flops…100 baht… hop in a tuk-tuk and see another part of town…a huge fifty meter swimming pool with no one in it…stop for a beer…oh, btw…you can drink beer anywhere in Thailand on the street, in a taxi, in the airport…anywhere…no one cares! It was all a blur by this point… she took good care of me…a lot of fun…

We hung out for three days…she didn't steal my money (blatantly)…it was cool. But on the last night, before she went back to work, we walked around the Night Bazaar and she wanted a ring…sure honey. Then she wanted a blouse…no problem…then she needed minutes on her phone, then… well you get the picture. Even though, as a 'sugardaddy ' back home, this is common, and I go with it all the time. But…I felt a little used and finally said "No"… "You have your own money, you buy it"…she didn't…kind of left me with a bad taste in my mouth, both of us knowing we would probably never see each other again (I hope I do though)…

My last night there and I finally find the Rasta Cafe…I just happened to (literally) stumble upon it…IT WAS ONLY FOUR BLOCKS FROM MY I'm primed and ready…the bands are good but no one is there…."Things don't get going until after 2am" the owner said…"past my bedtime" I replied. It was their one year anniversary!

So I try to finish my walk to the end of Loh Kroh Road from three nights ago…but wait…cute girl alert….I sit down next to her and chat…looking back at the pictures, I realize she wasn't that great…must have been buzzed…

But she was nice…and sincere…and broke…didn't even have a/c.

A lot of people don't have air-con here…to me that is unimaginable…

Took her to my place… but just because they are a bargirl, doesn't mean they are good in bed…what a waste…didn't do a certain oral thingy…gave her 400 (she was very grateful and wai'd me) and I told her to leave….win some lose some…no wonder she was broke.

…and I never made it to the end of the road.

…and that was Chiang Mai.


nana plaza