Stickman Readers' Submissions July 2nd, 2013

Viewpoint of A Southeast Asian American Woman

I've been reading the submissions on this site for a while now. I don't claim to be an expert on Thailand or relationships but perhaps I can offer some insight as an individual who may not be a typical reader. Just some background on me. I am in my early 30s, female, of Southeast Asian descent, college educated, well-traveled, born in the USA. I spent about two great years in Thailand in my 20s otherwise I've always lived here and call this country home. I am pretty Americanized yet also culturally Asian as my parents are very traditional and conservative. I grew up in an ethnic enclave throughout most of my childhood, surrounded by extended family practicing much of the old culture. Please excuse my English if there are grammatical errors. Although I was born here, English is not my first language.

There are many opinions I have read over and over that I would like to voice my opinion on. I am aware that my opinions will not be popular or shared by many of you. One of the most popular topics here is that of foreigners who were “scammed” by Thai women. Often these men stereotype Thai women as gold diggers, liars, manipulative, money hungry whores. I disagree with their perception of Thai women when their experiences are limited to a certain type of women who are geared towards farangs.

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If you genuinely want to have a successful relationship with a Thai woman, you need to first understand that many “normal” and “marriage material” (marriage material AKA faithful, honest, loyal) Thai women do not date westerners. Most women want to date someone they share a culture and language with. Yes, that even includes Thai women! It is a certain subset of women who throw themselves at farangs. These ladies who chase farangs are considered undesirable by Thai standards. Thais do not find dark-skinned, flat-nosed women with a ton of tattoos attractive. Many of these ladies are single mothers which makes them even less desirable to Thai men. Because these ladies are undesirable, jaded from bad relationships, and often poor, they give up on love and instead only seek MONEY / SECURITY. That's right, men. These ladies become gold diggers with only money in mind. Who is more than willing and able to support these ladies? Farangs!

As a farang looking for love with Thai ladies, you have many challenges due to the situation I just mentioned. A decent and normal Thai woman doesn't approach a farang stranger. She's not going to drop her pants within hours of meeting you (ok, this may happen but it's not common). She may not even speak English so you are going to have to learn Thai. Some of you need to seriously ask yourself what kind of women would be with a man she does not have the ability to communicate with, especially if they are going to get married and supposedly spend an entire lifetime together? How can you possibly have a meaningful relationship with someone you can barely communicate with? There are men who may be happy with just the sex and companionship but I would argue that most women want more. Why do you think so many Thai women with farangs have a Thai boyfriend on the side – often a guy that she is more crazy about?

Having a relationship with a “marriage material” Thai lady will take more effort and time and if you aren't willing to put that into the relationship, but you'd rather go with the gold diggers who throw themselves at you then you shouldn't complain. If you are a decent person, you are reasonably attractive (practice good hygiene, well groomed, wear clean clothes, etc), you present yourself in a respectable manner, and have some respect for the Thai customs / culture, you will eventually attract these good ladies…some who may have never even considered dating a farang before. But you sure aren't going to find her in a bar in Pattaya.

Now, if you are 50s+ and wanting a relationship with a much younger woman, there is a much needed reality check. I read a submission in which a reader claims that very large age gaps are common with Asians. If I recall, this man was dating a woman half his age. I don't have statistical data for this but he's delusional. Almost every single Asian couple that I know of, no matter where they live in the world, are roughly around the same age or there may be a 5 – 10 year age gap at the most. Now if you want to add prostitutes / johns or mistresses / married men or celebrities in the mix and consider them couples, there will obviously be a larger age gap but for “normal” people and “normal” relationships, there is generally not that huge age gap. I know some of you want to believe that there's a group of young women out there who are genuinely attracted to men older than their father but they don't exist.

Another common theme in these submissions are the evils and obesity of western women. I am going to have to defend some of these accusations. Based on these submissions, you would think that most western women are fat and unattractive. I don't deny that there is an obesity problem in the United States (which includes children and MEN, not only women) and the average Thai woman is more slim than the average American women but there is no shortage of hotties here! Unless you live in rural areas, there are millions of beautiful, feminine, and slim women here in the states. I live in a city where I often see attractive women of all races and all ages whether it's at a grocery store, bank, park, etc. I would even say that my city has a large # of women who are attractive enough to be professional models and actresses.

The evils of western women? Where do I start? There are plenty of good and decent western women in America. I've known western women who stuck with their cheating husbands. Women who stood by their husband while he fought cancer and lost his job. Women who work several jobs, take care of the kids, have sex with their husband nightly, do nice things for him. There are a lot of great women here, guys. They aren't going to clip your toe nails or rub your feet every night but there are very few women who are only out to deliberately destroy men.

I'm sorry if you've only had experiences with bad western women but at the same time, I question if it was all your evil ex-wife's fault. Based on many submissions, you would think that these men with multiple divorces are perfect angels who never did anything wrong in their marriages. More often than not, both parties contribute to the breakdown of a marriage although one may be more responsible for it. The important thing is that you learn from it including your own mistakes and have the ability to self reflect. It seems that many of you do not have the ability to self reflect and also lack common sense. If you can't even figure out why your relationships with prostitutes aren't working, it's hard for me to believe that you are perceptive enough to truly comprehend why your marriages with your western wives may have failed. It's hard for me to believe that you even know what a happy and healthy marriage is or how to relate to women. Again, I am only referring to those men who fail to have a good, successful relationship with a Thai woman yet constantly complain and have been through multiple divorces with western women as well.

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Often I've read about men who cheated on their wife and used lack of sex as a reason. I don't believe in using sex as a weapon but do any of you wonder why she stopped having sex with you? If you weren't fulfilling your wife's needs, would that be a valid excuse for her to cheat? How about Thai wives who cheat on farang men because their needs were not met, whether it be financial or emotional needs?

Western women are often demonized here for being shallow but if you place such high value on sex, looks, and the accessibility of cheap sex with young girls, you are just as shallow. Perhaps this is why there is such a high divorce rate these days. You have two shallow people marrying each other with no true commitment to each other. When shiet (excuse my language) hits the fan, they are quick to run off instead of work on their problems.

Lastly I would like to address mongering. It is mind boggling that there are those who monger behind their girlfriend or wife's back without her knowledge or consent yet they expect her to be faithful? They vilify her for lying, cheating, and sleeping around yet they are doing the exact same thing. The same way you may not trust your bargirl girlfriend who supposedly left the business, there are women who may never trust a known mongerer. If you can't stop mongering, please don't ask why your girl won't stop sleeping around.

Stickman's thoughts:

So many true words….

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