Another reply to “Viewpoint of A Southeast Asian American Woman”
I enjoyed the submission, "A Viewpoint of a Southeast Asian American Woman" and find much of her post honest and filled with
what should be regarded as common sense. I do have a different perspective on a few of her points though.
I have been widowed for about five years now and had been to Thailand on Southeast Asian holidays with my two kids 4 years ago …. Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Koh Tao, full moon party – how can you not love Thailand! My daughter since graduated from a top 20 college as an Art History major but decided that teaching English in Thailand was a better option than waiting tables at the local pub (can I get a refund on that tuition please?). Off to Koh Samui for her TEFL certification, moves up to Bangkok and has a teaching job in a few weeks.
I knew I would have an excuse for many visits to Bangkok so I decided to check out TLL and see if there were any "good girls" that
I could have a friendship with – for dinner, drinks, sight-seeing, and possibly more (didn't go the bargirl route even though I knew it would be quick and easy. Not judging anyone, just not my thing). One quickly sorts out the Wild West of
TLL; working girls, desperate country girls looking to escape poverty, and some regular girls. I chatted up 10-12 of the regular girls, and met a half dozen of them during two trips to Thailand. Some were not so regular, some the language barrier
was too much to overcome, others were looking for a husband in short order. To make a long story short, I have been seeing a lovely woman from Bangkok for about 18 months now. We have gone from friends to lovers. Perhaps I am a slow mover but
that transition took two trips, many emails and Skypes. She is a modern girl. She has a masters degree, works for a technology company and speaks near perfect English.
What I have learned:
1) The poster and many Thais from Bangkok, the south of Thailand, and even Chiang Mai and other northern areas are burdened with a disdain for Isaan woman. It is the only thing I would ask her to reflect on. To describe someone in a negative way and add in "dark skinned with a flat nose" is, well …racist. I don't know how else to define it. I understand that many / most bar girls and young girls with old Farangs are from the northeast – that doesn't mean all girls from the northeast are whores or gold-diggers.
2) Some educated Thai girls from middle class families do prefer, or at least give equal billing, to respectful and successful Farang men – even if a few years older. My girlfriend, and many of her friends particularly bemoan the mia moi custom; and its acceptance as a way of life in Thai marriages. Yes, western men take mistresses. They cheat on their spouses. But they at least try to be discreet about it. It is embarrassing to many modern Thai women to deal with this strange, almost open marriage, that they had no say in. They also find many Thai men to be less than ambitious (ok, maybe that is a universal male trait / complaint) and feel overly burdened at times with the Thai woman's role of caring for the parents. Farangs mitigate some of these problems.
3) As for gold-digger, I am 49 my girlfriend 34. There is a larger attractiveness gap than I would find with a US mate (she is a 9 and I am a 5/6 on a good day 555). Add in the age difference and she is physically, "out of my league" by US standards. Do I get points for being successful and having more disposable income – absolutely. But I know I also get points for being faithful, kind and generous of spirit. She has never asked for a penny for herself or her family. I have purchased no baht gold. I pay for our travel and food, but I did that in the US when dating too – and the US woman had more expensive taste!
All in all I am thrilled with my Thai girl friend. We are very happy together. For any older Farangs looking for a younger attractive woman in Thailand, I say go for it. There are land-minds to dodge for sure, but you will easily meet a lot of attractive woman. Just remember you will get back what you put out. You want to bed a girl on the first date – no problem, you can find that; just don't be surprised if she has primal motives as well.
I like your summary and think your closing paragraph is spot on.
It's interesting how some foreigners are quick to note the way that some Thais are critical of a certain sector of the population and may even defend them, when said foreigners don't appear to realise that the distaste goes both ways…
Thai men are generally discreet when it comes to mistresses and philandering away from the marital bedroom whereas many foreigners in Thailand certainly are not!