After he looked up at the clock on the wall for the fourth time in 10 minutes, Neville from New Zealand got up and started to dress; it was time to get going on the planned adventure. He was wondering if his two partners in crime were getting ready. A beep came from the phone and Neville looked and saw it was an SMS from Eddy from England saying he was about to leave and was all kitted up. He got his clothes on and looked in the mirror and liked what he saw. It was a good idea of his to wear an army fatigue shirt; what better clobber to have on when going into battle.
Neville picked up the small rifle, loaded it up, wrapped it in the cloth and packed it into his bag. It would stay hidden on the BTS ride into Nana and would allow him to approach the scene without fuss and he also had the smaller loaded pistol in the flap pocket on the leg. He was ready and armed to do battle this day, to overturn the injustice she had caused him. Then another beep from the phone and he looked and saw the SMS from Alan from Australia telling him he was also on the way. All the planning would finally work out today.
Standing there, swaying on the BTS rubbing up against the younger Thai women made him think back on what she had done to him over the past few years, pretending to have a great time with him, with he thinking she really cared for him. Yes it was a year ago exactly on this day when the big bust up happened, but he would get payback now and would love watching her face when she saw the barrel of the rifle coming towards her and she would know what was going to happen. He was going to yell out at the same time, “Hey, Noi, how does this feel to you” and watch her closely as she took the first shot in the head and then the second in the heart. It was going to be a great feeling!
As Nev walked up the dirty broken footpath walkway in Nana past the complex, he could see Eddy and Alan in their pre- arranged spots ready to back him up if something went wrong. There was a big crowd out on the holiday and that made it easier to get up close to her bar without her seeing him. Neville could see her standing there in front of the bar holding court as she loved to do with some punters hanging around her. Nev had to admit she still had the body and looks to attract the payers but he was past that with her. Today she had to pay. He looked again and saw Eddy and Alan about 3 metres apart on the other side of the soi just opposite Noi with their hands in their pockets holding their weapons, waiting to see whether he needed backup or not.
Neville stepped back against the wall, took the rifle out of the bag and just dropped it at his feet, opened up his leg flap pocket to make it easier to get the pistol out if needed and then walked briskly up to where Noi was standing, switched the safety switch off the rifle and yelled out really loudly, “Hey, Noi, how does this feel to you”. As she turned around to face him, her smile started to turn to fear when she realized that Neville from New Zealand had a rifle aimed at her and he was pulling the trigger and he could see the steady warm flow of water hit her right in the forehead where he aimed and he could see it dripping down her nose and then he aimed and got her right on the left boob and then another shot which got her directly on the right nipple and he thought he could see it rise up. He was on a roll and started spraying her as he heard the torrent of abuse start to stream out of her mouth, part in Thai and part in Engrish with the F word. Nev could feel a slight erection coming on. Some of the punters with her started to turn their guns towards Neville but Eddy and Alan had crossed the road and started to back Nev up with a steady stream of water coming from their own guns driving Noi and her punters back as the 3 of them walked back laughing and yelling and joining in the crowd who were throwing water and firing guns everywhere. It was a great feeling walking down Soi Nana, mission accomplished.
About one hour later the three Amigos were sitting at the outside bar of the Irish pub having another pint and Neville’s food had just arrived as he had not eaten all day as he had been too nervous to eat, just thinking it all through, would it all go to plan? Nev had just cut into the lovely piece of fish from the fish and chips he loved here when he saw a movement from his left and he saw Eddy throw his hand up to protect his face. Nev just had time to see the smile or smirk on the face of Noi as she throw the bucket of ice and water at his head and could her yelling out, "Eff you, how you rike it now revile”. Neville stood up as she ran back towards her bar surrounded by the laughing and squealing other ladies from her bar and some punters. Neville looked down at his plate and saw the fish and chips swimming in water and ice and the other drinkers all laughing at him. She had done him again. Neville was about to run after her when he felt a big hand on his shoulder pushing him into his stool and he looked around and saw Tiny, the doorman, and heard him say, ”Enough mate, let it be, you will not win this one, no more problems here tonight”. What really irked him was that both Eddy from England and Alan from Australia were pissing themselves with laughter at him as he could feel cold drips of water coming from his head.
Tiny passed him a towel and he dried himself there and asked him to get us 3 more beers, but stuff the fish and chips, he could not eat anything again now. He sat there for about 5 minutes just thinking as everybody around him settled down again. Then he looked at Alan and Eddy and said I have a plan for next year. We will save up our money and will we will hire a pick-up with 2 x 200 litre drums of water in the back and I will buy a Gerney pressure gun and drive up Nana and shoot her with that. That will get her back properly. Eddy from England looked at him and said. “Yes I will save up my money for next year to get a bloody ticket out of here at Songkran, bugger staying here again in April; I am going to go back for a holiday to the old dart”. He looked at Alan who just smiled and nodded his head and said in that laconic drawl of his “I agree, next year I am going home for Songkran, you can have this all on your own”.
If there's one time of year I really don't like Bangkok, it's Songkran – and not because of the heat!