In Praise Of Older Women

A wise old man, who mentored me way back when I was first starting in business, once told me that the best way to tell if someone was a liar or an honest man was to ask him if he had ever in his life tried to blow himself.

If the response was No you knew he was not to be trusted as, according to my friend, every man at least one time in his life has tried to suck himself off.

This memory came back to me recently as I lay in my bed alone staring down at myself.

A mate was flying in for a weekend in Phuket and I had arrived a day early to put my place in order. I landed around 4 PM, went to the grocery for the usual, had a traditional Thai massage, ate dinner, retired to my room for an early night to rest up for the big night to follow, watched a video, finished some emails, looked at the clock, saw it was 10 PM, looked down at myself and thought now would be an excellent time for a blow job.

Accepting the truth of my long dead mentor, and realizing that even had I wanted to, the act was far beyond the limits of my less than supple body, I debated whether to send a simple SMS.

I am not one of those people who long for times past. I think the past is best left dead and buried, and each new day is better than the last. Sure drinks and barfines were cheaper then, but guess what, we also made less money. The past was a pain in the ass as far as I am concerned, and I love what conveniences modern life brings us.

My phone was by my side, I wrote a quick message, hit send, and 15 minutes later the doorbell rang. I'm sorry, one can complain about how jaded and conniving Thailand has become, but where else will a blow job arrive faster than a pizza?

I've been getting massages from Yai for about two years now. She's 38, with a daughter studying at Khon Kaen University. The body is a few kilos above her fighting weight, and a bit squishy in places, but she gives a mean massage and when she asks me to turn over on my back, and sees what has happened down below, she always gives this little giggle and goes to work. She loves her work, and I always try to reciprocate and give her some small measure of pleasure. Afterwards, she showers and gets dressed, I slip some money into her purse, walk her to the door where she slips me a last kiss before getting on her bike and I go upstairs for a sound night’s sleep.

The best sex I think I have ever had was from a 38 year old bargirl named Noot I picked up one night over 10 years ago in Cowboy, from a bar long closed. She was the only girl dancing on stage wearing a top because, as she told me later, why should someone get to look for free? And besides, she knew, and I later found out, that they weren't that interesting to look at to begin with, 38 years and three children having taken their toll.

She wore a towel tucked tightly around her whenever she went to or from the bathroom, but in bed she was the proverbial tiger. If I dared to complain about having no more power, or wanting to sleep, she would take it as a challenge to her womanhood and go at it again. Give it a rest I would shout, but her cell phone remained securely tucked away in her handbag and when she was in my room the TV stayed off and I was the only thing she paid attention to.

My mate from America showed up the next day and we headed straight for the bars on Bangla Road. Phuket has seriously changed since the fire at Tiger Disco a year ago. The week after the fire what I call New Tiger opened, and for better or worse it has sucked the life out of every other venue on the island. Soi Eric is all but closed, and I hear it will close for good next month, while Soi Seadragon is just sad. Soi Katooey attracts the tourists but little else (unless that's your thing, not that there's anything wrong with that). But New Tiger disco is the only place to go now.

The ground level has maybe 50 bars, all connected so that when you sit at one you can see what is going on at all the others. The music is good and loud, there are fans everywhere, and the girls are attentive. They are all banned from using cell phones, which remain in their handbags. The prettier girls dance on the bar tops while others stand around and try to get you to drink at the bar. There are pool tables in the back, and clean toilets where you can get your back massaged by a bloke while you do your business if that's your thing.

One floor up is the disco which gets going late, and a floor higher are more pool tables where you can shoot a game while listening to the disco and looking down at the action below.

My friend and I hit a few bars until I was attracted by a lady who seemed a bit more mature than the rest. As an ice breaker, I always ask the girls about their children, and she told me she had two sons, aged 15 & 13. Now that set me back a bit and when I asked her how old she was, and with a smile she said 38, I knew I was finished for the night.

At my place I have a small plunge pool and I usually try to get the girls to go swimming when we return, usually in the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes the girls are shy but Naree, the 38 year old, quickly slipped out of her clothes, followed me in and was soon swimming about like a dolphin, telling me how she learned to scuba dive on Malta where she lived for a year with her German boyfriend.

Later, she took me on a tour of most of the pieces of furniture in my bedroom, ending up on the patio where she watched the sunrise with me watching from behind her.

I think nothing can compare in terms of sheer beauty with the tight body of a 22 year woman fresh from the farm, but another thing my wise old mentor told me years ago was that you don't make love to a body, you make love to a person. And just as I think I have gotten better with age, so have many women. So I continue to love to watch the young girls dance, but when it comes to choosing one for later, for me it is always age before beauty.

Take care

Professor

Stickman's thoughts:

I'm in agreement that while a woman in her early 20s may be at her peak in terms of looks, women aged around 30 are the sweet spot for me – their looks are still just fine (assuming they look after themselves). They are more confident always an issue with younger Thai women who are often horribly impressionable and insecure. Thai women aged early 30s have more about them which, to me at least, makes the overall package so much more interesting.