A Whole Different Experience From Bargirls
Keen intellect, poise, an incredible lover: after cute, juvenile bargirls, I was unprepared for this woman I met at a soapy massage.
Bargirls, mostly from upcountry, have a playful sense of sanuk, no doubt. I found them irresistible on Koh Samui, my first Thai experience as I took the bus up from Kuala Lumpur rather than flying through BK.
The bargirl energy made me feel younger and less jaded with life. Fun fun fun. They helped me deconstruct some of the heavy guilt I had developed and associated with sex from growing up in a culture influenced heavily by puritanical dogma and feminist backlash.
I also got the GFE on Samui. Even moved in for a few days with her in a house on stilts with no A/C. She cooked me rice before leaving each day to work her day job in a hotel. I would drop her off and have use of her moped until it was time to pick her up. I had a great time and felt like I knew a side of Thailand most of the backpackers and travelers in their 20’s didn’t know existed. “The other side of the island” where the locals lived.
After getting accustomed to the bar aspect of Thai working girls on Samui, I finally made my way to BKK, and tried my first soapy (and only one to this day).
From what I understand, Asian men prefer massages, the soapy massage especially. bar girls and go-go dancers seem more of a game for Western men. Personally, I don’t drink, and belligerent people tend to annoy me. I also have a lot of injuries from sports and labor, so massages for these reasons appeal to me more than bar venues.
To put faith and trust in one’s intuition, that’s the interesting thing about a fishbowl and having a group of women to choose from, without being able to speak with them. In a bar one can talk, flirt for as long as one likes.
I scanned the 20 or so ladies and made a swift decision. I have no idea what made me go with the woman I went with, but I just knew.
On the way up the stairs, I put my hand on her ass. She shut me down, reminded me, in only so many words, that even though she sells herself for money, she deserves to be treated like an individual rather than an object. She said something like ‘Talk to me first’… can’t remember exactly. Her skill with English and way with words greatly impressed me.
Once inside, we chatted and she managed to maintain majority control of the entire procedure. When I would touch her she would tell me to sit back and let her massage me. When I moved too fast she would slow me down (we had two hours after all).
Now I like to take on the role of both dominant and submissive. Not in a whips and chains sort of way, but in more subtle ways. I believe that in every relationship one person has to have MORE power than the other. This can be a subtle power or a more overt patriarchy or matriarchy. A couple can trade power, taking turns depending on circumstance, but one will always take the reigns more often than the other.
Bar girls seemed very open to just getting grabbed. I would fondle them, reach under their clothes, and carry them off like a caveman. I enjoyed that. But this soapy maseusse totally flipped the dynamic, an amazing change of pace and experience.
An middle aged woman, she told me about her past, which I always find a turn on. Sure she could have embellished or outright lied but I didn’t see that tendency in her, not like I saw it in bargirls. She told me about an exe from Europe, who she had met in a massage parlor and stayed with for four or five years, even travelling to Europe with him. She also divulged that she had a son in college.
When the time came for the actual act, I will only say that it was great. She did things I didn’t know any woman could do, and I have been with MANY women both in the U.S. and Asia, paid and non. I don’t mean kinky things, but skills such as applying protection to me without my awareness of her doing so.
We danced around meeting outside of the venue, but I was broke and headed back stateside soon. Now, I’m kicking myself for not getting her contact info.
Being that I only visited a soapy parlor once, perhaps this experience is the norm? I have no idea.
And perhaps I am failing to think clearly when I daydream about returning next winter and finding the same woman. I can’t even remember her name, and while I think I remember which soapy massage venue, I could be wrong. I did some online research and think I know which place. Otherwise my only hope would be to find the same taxi driver near Khao San Road and get to the same place that way.
And then what? She might not even work there anymore, it will have been a year.
Visions dance in my head of dating her, even while she still works, or maybe even having a baby with her if she quits the business. Some (if not all) readers might laugh at my naivete I am sure. Yes, I am relatively young at 32, but in some ways beyond my age because I have travelled and moved about so much from childhood on.
This maseusse was just so pleasant to speak to, she demonstrated an emotional intelligence beyond almost any American girl I meet. Sometimes I think that I could only ever marry a working girl, because they know. They have a more realistic, practical view of the world.
Western girls, especially ones from middle class backgrounds, come from sheltered, consumerist environments where they get coddled and catered to. The educated ones have little in the way of street smarts, and the street smart ones, while sharp in their own ways, I would not want to take to a pleasant dinner or introduce to professional colleagues.
This soapy maseusse seemed a balance of the two, and no doubt her middle age helped.
One thing’s for sure. I will work hard this summer and save money. Asia (I spent a month in China too) haunts me. It won’t let go. I think about it every day. About getting back. About the sweet innocent act bar girls have perfected to make us feel like teenagers again. About the vibrant streets of BKK and KL. But more often as of late, I ask myself it it would even be possible to find the one again.
Very nicely put together. For what it's worth, I wouldn't chase a shadow. Even if you do manage to find her again, this industry isn't easy on the providers and the passage of time will surely have changed her. Without wanting to sound ever the pessimist, those changes will almost certainly not have been for the better…