Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 375

  • Written by Dana
  • April 13th, 2013
  • 6 min read



Hello Dana fans and international space station mongers and women who say they hate men (we can wait):

Today a number of pieces. If one piece does not cause you to question my character and my writing ability perhaps another one will. It is all about serving the Stickmanbangkok.com community here at Dana Enterprises.

MYSTIC CHORDS OF MEMORY

"The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union when again touched, as surely as they will be, by the better angels of our nature." — Abraham Lincoln, First Inaugural Address, 1861

Ok 19th century dude, ok historical bro, ok Mr. President; what exactly does this mean? Don't misunderstand me, you were a rockin' president. Preserving the Union? You get an A. Freeing the slaves? Another A. But

", as surely as they will be, by the better angels of our nature" ????

Is there a phrase or a word or a sentence missing here? Do you just tack on ", by the better angels of our nature" to the end of every utterance to make it look 'mystic'.

All good questions we will never hear answers to from a 19th c. dude. But from me you can hear that the following is clear and without pretence and there are no 'better angels of our nature' , whatever that means. And the Thai ladies you spend time with? Would you want them to talk like Abraham Lincoln? Again, no 'better angels of our nature' there either. Anyway, enjoy the following.

Hey, and Abe; I'm going easy on you. "mystic shroud of memory"? Really? A little advice here Abe, don't try that "mystic shroud of memory" stuff on the boardwalk. Just sayin'.

RELAXLAND

Get ready to rumble. Grab the corner of the bar for support or take a seat. Prepare to be amazed. To wit:

"The idea of deporting the Jews to Madagascar first appeared in 1905 in a book by a Viennese exegete who studied the Old Testament and zoology and invented a field of study he called the zoology. And he came to the conclusion that God did not exist and that the world was created by gods, who were of the same species as people, but were capable of transmitting electric signals, and had mastered telepathy and were immortal and spiritual, but in the course of time they started to mix with people and animals and became mortal. And he said that the closest to the gods and the first generation of god people were the Aryans, who still displayed remnants of electronic power and telepathic neutrons, and he proposed deporting the Jews to Madagascar and setting up ZUCHTKLOSTER, breeding convents, in Germany, where German women inseminated by Aryan males would be, and so god people would be re-bred and they would communicate telepathically by the power of thought and electrical charges." — Europeana by Patrik Ourednik (first ed. English translation 2005, pp. 33-34)

You know, when I read something like this it makes me wonder if perhaps I am too tough on the Thais and their beliefs and their behaviors. If they want to believe in ghosts, who does it hurt? If they want to pray to Buddha as if he is a grant wishing god, who does it hurt? That behavior is not really Buddhist and betrays their ignorance of their own religion, but again; who does it hurt? If I really am smarter and more educated and wittier than them, of what value is it really? If they want to believe in 'good luck' birds and pieces of string tied around the left wrist , well; again, who does it hurt? Compared to the insane nutter in the above quote, a person taken seriously in 1940 by the Nazis; the Thais look pretty meek and mild. Maybe I'll just cut them some slack and give them a break. Maybe I should just think of Thailand as Relaxland. That's it, Relaxland; a happy place with fewer judgements and more smiling. Hey, I think I just saw a ghost.

THINK YOU'RE A MAN?

I spend irregular time with a Walking Street Russian tranny cruiser named Ivana Humpalot. She's big and tall and lean and covered with small cuts and large hematomas on her face and her hips. She's a tranny of cheap cast iron like Russian plumbing fixtures and a penile implant that makes her look like God was on a lot of illegal drugs when he made her.

Her thing is sex and violence. Think you're a man? Ok, see if you can boom-boom her and punch her in the face and the hips at the same time. That is her measure of a man. Can you give a woman what she wants? Because that is what this cast iron Russian tranny freak from Ufxxxistan wants. I can't do the violence thing to satisfy her because I do not feel good about it, and because I am too small and too weak. So, when I finish with the boomsing part a third party steps in. But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is:

ASTRONOMY AND FARANG-THAI LADY RELATIONSHIPS

The sun's gravity-radiation pressure balance converts 5 million tons of matter to energy every second. It is called hydrostatic equilibrium.

Farang-Thai lady hydrostatic equilibrium is called bullshit. Lots of radiation, lots of pressure, lots of energy. Lots of spewing and throwing things. Just like the sun. The theory is that the energy of the relationship radiating out from the Farang-Thai lady core will prevent the relationship from collapsing.

Nope. Nothing will prevent the Farang-Thai lady relationship from collapsing. Farang-Thai lady unions are less stable than the nuclear event star process of our sun. Good luck. And remember to take pictures.

DANA NOTE:

In the future I would like to be known and addressed as Herr Doctor Marie-Francois-Xavier Hansum Man Dana instead of just Dana. It is time. Feedback can be sent to Stickman employee [email protected] Enterprises c/o [email protected] From this moment on I am going to dress in 19century Spanish aristocracy clothes and wear a monocle.

No one will recognise me. It is a new start. Again, feedback should be sent to Rat. Some attention should be paid to email scheduling. Emails received at Stickman Enterprises M-Th will be received and handled by Rat. Emails received F-S-Sun will be handled (or mishandled) by her sisters Fat and Kat. You want Rat. There is a fourth sister named Lat but she is not allowed in the office due to the Thai confusion with L's and R's. You want Rat.

and finally

HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT

The mortar and pestle of the vegan's mental demise due to the lack of chocolate shake and sizzling cheeseburger nutrition grinds slowly but it grinds fine. No vegan has ever survived the inexorable mortar and pestle of the march of time. God willing I will still be alive at Caveman's deathbed scene bedside. His quavering pale emaciated arm and hand will reach out to me. Our eyes will meet, and I will hand him a cheeseburger.

Well, that's it for this week Stickman fans and Dana fans. Tune in next week for more insightful remarks and low class entertainment. And remember: who loves you? Dana does.


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