Stickman Readers' Submissions April 8th, 2013

Farang Men / Thai Women — Another Perspective from a Farang

As a white Westerner reading many comments about male farang / Thai woman relationships and having had a few myself, I have some comments. This is just one of about a million such comments on this topic on the web, and I have a different perspective than most about Thai women.

We have an old joke in my country. Old jokes get to be old jokes because they are true as well as funny. It goes something like this: “I know everything there is to know about women. Everything. Oh, except for one thing. What the heck do they want?” J

He Clinic Bangkok

I believe that the main issue isn’t that we are farang and she’s Thai. I believe it’s the old men not understanding women of any type historically. I’ve never been in a culture where men truly understood women, including what they really want.

I don’t believe we can stereotype any group of women and always be accurate. Always they are individuals. Even in a group of friends they are different. One is sexually promiscuous while another is shy and close to virginal. One chooses losers for husbands, one has never been married and another has been happily married for 20 years. Yet they all have a ladies night out together and are the best of friends.

I disagree with lumping into one group Thai women or any women, because it doesn’t match my experience. It just isn’t true that they all have the same motivations or thoughts toward men. It isn’t accurate to say “they” anything as a truism, such as “they” prefer a Thai man or “they” are just gold diggers or “they” anything. Each is an individual with varying personalities and life goals, just like they are in your country.

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I do think there’s an issue with the language barrier. Communication. Men should learn Thai if they are going to have relationships in Thailand. However, I have a lady friend in S. Isaan, near the Cambodian border who would love to marry me and I am 20 years her senior. She has a master’s degree, is very pretty as so many women with the Khmer blood in them are, and is the equivalent of a principal in a village school. She worked very hard on her English, and has even taught English in that school. She communicates easily and no, she didn’t learn it in a bar. She can write English better than many uneducated native English speakers.

At 35, she is past her “sell by date” to many Thai men. She has never been married, has no children, and is just under five feet (152 cm) tall. She weighs about 88 pounds (40 kg.) Additionally, in her small area, she knows no single Thai men who are educated enough to interest her. She makes payments on her own newer home and her own newer pickup. She helps her parents, as do her three siblings. There’s no surprise there.

But her main goal, other than finding a qualified husband, is to introduce some height and muscle and perhaps some lighter skin into the family gene pool. Her family, male and female, is small and slender and lacking in much muscle.

I’m just now thinking of the fine Royal Family in the UK. Look at what Princess Diana did to that gene pool. Now there are two tall, muscular, handsome sons. Next introduce the amazingly beautiful and statuesque Princess Kate and I can’t wait to see the children. Princess Kate is a big celebrity and has a huge fan base all over the world. She is loved as was Princess Diana. They achieved big star status. Huge crowds will flock to see Princess Kate as they did Princess Diana.

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My lady friend in S. Isaan has the same dream although not related to the Royal Family in the UK. She wants new blood in the gene pool. Is that love? Will that bring happiness to a farang? Well, this is a fine and loyal and hard working Thai woman and yes, she would treat a man extremely well and what more could one ask for? What is a marriage anyway? Is it just infatuation that should fade, or is it a partnership with physical attraction, friendship, and common goals?

She has had hard work and success so far, and wants to take the next step which is the one she, and she alone wants. She wants to introduce new blood, and frankly a little more money into the family. She is attracted to farangs or she wouldn’t want their genes in her children.

This really isn’t any different than a lot of good Western women. The pretty head cheerleader marries the captain of the football team because he is strong and handsome and hard working.

I don’t know how anyone could lump this Isaan woman into any group, and say they are all the same.

I have never met two identical women with identical levels of honesty or compassion, or with the same goals in any country. There are some fine Thai women and there are some nightmares. Why not? My farang wife was a nightmare gold digger. I didn’t know how much of a gold digger until it came to divorce. Haven’t I heard that same story in Thailand?

I would say to any farang who’s looking for a Thai woman, get out of the tourist areas, especially the well-known bar areas but also the tourist and expat cities, and meet some real Thai women right after you learn to speak passable Thai. That pretty lady working behind the counter at the Post Office probably has a bachelor’s degree, may speak some English, and might want to meet you, you hansom ma’. If she doesn’t, maybe she does prefer Thai men or maybe you’re just not her type. There is one in the bank next door who also has a bachelor’s degree and a head on her shoulders, and she probably does want to meet you.

I can’t finish this without the usual caveat. You are a guest in Thailand with few rights including a right to be here. Never forget that. Go slowly. Maintain control of your finances and don’t literally give the farm away to a Thai unless you’re so loaded you won’t miss the money. Otherwise, treat a woman as a woman, give things time, and enjoy yourself.

Stick's thoughts:

Very good advice in the second to last paragraph.

While I understand what you mean when you say that all people are individuals, I think making generalisations helps you to understand people. It might be a generalisation to say, for example, that Western women want a man to like them for their achievements and Thai women hope men will like them for their femininity. Of course this doesn't apply to all women in either group but there's enough truth in it that it can help guys to understand these women better.

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