Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 373

  • Written by Dana
  • March 30th, 2013
  • 5 min read



Attn: Dana fans and Stickmanbangkok.com fans

Today a nutritional piece followed by an essay. Enjoy. We start with a short insightful essay titled:

JUST KILL ME

How do you make accurate non-controversial beyond debate judgements about various foods and diets? Roaches. That's right, nobody (noroach) knows more about foods and food tastes than roaches down through the thousands (millions?) of years here on Earth. So below are some reactions to monger vs. vegan foods by randomly picked roaches.

Reactions to standard monger diet of cheeseburger and chocolate shake:

"Best damn thing I ever ate."

"Ming at Spanky's in the N.E.P. in Bangkok is a 10, this monger food is an eleven."

"Ambrosia of the gods, no cruiser on the Pattaya boardwalk gives as much pleasure."

And now some remarks by uninvolved totally objective roaches to vegan food:

"JUST KILL ME."

"I'd dig my eyes out with a jagged spoon before I would ever eat another one of these vegan burgers."

"Carbonized toast with a side order of wire insulation tastes better than this. I'd kill my roach daughter before allowing her to eat this."

There you have it, tourists and ex-pats to the Kingdom; a survey of monger food vs. vegan food of the Caveman Chiang Mai ex-military variety. Another service of Dana Enterprises. I have a lot more to say on this very interesting subject but I see Fa and she is carrying a tray with two cheeseburgers and two chocolate shakes. God I love this country and I love this woman. Ever since Swenson's Ice Cream on the boardwalk added these items to their menu we practically live here. Sometimes we do not even have sex afterwards. We just go back to her place and lay on the floor like bloated whales and pass gas. Paradise.

and now an essay-article titled:

SOMETIMES

Sometimes you just have to wonder. Wonder about what? Wonder about the things you hear. Wonder about the statements of reality that are presented to you as incontrovertible, incontestable, non-negotiable, beyond debate facts. Sometimes you just have to wonder.

I'm sick. I don't mean I have a cold. I mean there is something basically wrong with my body and I require daily medication and daily monitoring. A refusal to accept this life condition and this protocol has landed me in the back of an ambulance twice. So I have learned. I accept my new reality and I do not complain (much). I take my medication daily (god bless those evil drug companies) and, again, I don't complain. Monitoring daily is part of the program. A simple device tells me my blood pressure and my heart rate numbers. I have a little notebook and I keep records.

So, what does this have to do with Thailand? Traveling in coach from Boston to Bangkok is so stressful for me that when I am finally behind the hotel door at the Mothership my heart rate is elevated and my blood pressure is elevated. A lot. How do I know this? Because I monitor myself daily and I keep records. That's right, I even take my blood pressure and my heart rate cuff on vacation. There in the hotel room I can look at high numbers and scare myself to death. It usually takes two days to bring my numbers down to acceptable levels. My first night in Bangkok I can lay on the bed and hear the noise of the bars coming in the window. But that is all I can do.

Two days after arriving in Bangkok last time Wan found my blood pressure and heart rate monitoring device in my luggage.

Wan: What is this?
Me: I'll show you.

Her blood pressure was 120/80 and her heart rate numbers were normal. She was right where she was supposed to be for a healthy unstressed human. A fun thing to do. So for the next two weeks I played doctor to twenty girls. Averages? There were almost no averages. Almost all of the numbers were identical. Healthy unstressed humans with textbook numbers. My point?

My point is that even a non-participating, oblique contact with the prostitute trade in Thailand will present you with the idea that these girls are inundated with unhealthy, unnatural forces that produce negative health consequences. Hey, what could be more obvious? Victimized (the West's favorite word) by trade particulars and circumstance they will be psychically and organically damaged. Really? That's not what the data on my girl-after-girl heart rate and blood pressure cuff survey showed. My survey showed they are perfectly healthy. Certainly more healthy than myself (and how many other western customers); someone who does not have to endure the demeaning and unhealthy lifestyle of a prostitute. Sometimes you just have to wonder.

Based on the opinion people of what is right, and what is moral, and what is natural with the backup singing of the always tuneful feminists; you would expect these horribly damaged, psychically abused, victimized angels to display shockingly out-of-whack health numbers on the display pad of my medical monitoring device. How could it be otherwise? But it is otherwise and in a modern world you can not choose which evidence to pay attention to. It all counts. These girls are healthy. Smiling when with me, trusting in the shower, laughing at stupid TV shows, and asleep in the bed like happy puppies. The next day they smile when they see me again, and again their 'numbers' are normal.

Sometimes you have to wonder. Wonder at the things people tell you and wonder at the things that you hear. Sick, damaged girls in a sick, damaging profession? You could not prove it by me. And there is an important difference between data and opinion. Maybe I would be healthier today and better off today if I was a prostitute. I wonder who has the numbers on that.


Amazing Properties


Stickman's thoughts:

Sorry to hear about your health issues. Unfortunately a questionable diet over a long period of time catches up with people eventually. So many fans of Thailand seem to compile resources throughout their life for a final 15-odd year hurrah before they "check out". The saddest part, however, is that they neglect of their health, through lack of exercise but more than anything, a dreadful diet – and the result of that is that retirement might not work out nor be nearly as much fun as they had hoped…