Stickman Readers' Submissions March 16th, 2013

She May Be A Bargirl

Wow! Touchdown land of smiles and I must say not much has changed. “HELLO, WHERE YOU GO, MASSAGE” coming from every corner with a hint of “TUK TUK” and to top it all off the good old “SUIT FOR YOU MY FRIEND”. The sounds of Siam as I like to think of them – and let’s not forget every Tak, Plick and Hally trying to sell you something or scam you.

If you’re a first time visitor it can be a tad overwhelming but if you have worked and lived in the land of smiles like I have then you know the game. Or just read Stickman Bangkok, I must say Stick I have only been here for about 5 days but your site prepares one for the assault on the senses that is the country we all love and hate – Thailand!

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Touchdown Pattaya and with my army of mates we cruised the sois of sin drinking beers, eating great Thai food and of course meeting some “nice ladies”.

By the way an excellent drinking game for all you readers out there – when sitting at a bar every time someone attempts to sell you something you have to take a shot, trust me it’s a good one.

Anyway so the idea for this submission came about as we were sitting in a bar in Walking Street watching the hustlers hustling their “handsome man”. Many are picked up in nightclubs – so they can’t be bar girls right? YEA RIGHT! We started discussing the various characteristics and behaviours that give away the fact she is a bar girl and based on Jeff Foxworthy’s “YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK” I decided to create my own list titled “SHE MAY BE A BAR GIRL”.

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1) If you meet her in a beer bar, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

2) If she tells you she has a sick mama and papa that need money, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

3) If she asks for taxi money the morning after, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

4) If she is covered in tattoos and speaks better English than your housekeeper, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

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5) If she is constantly on her phone texting and looks paranoid when you ask her what she is doing, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

6) If she takes her phone calls in the bathroom so that you cannot hear the conversation, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

7) If she comes from Isaan, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

8) If she has a baby but the baby is living with mama and papa while she “works”, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

9) If your money is “our money” and her money is “her money”, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

10) If she has a tongue ring, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

11) If she chooses to eat, sleep, watch soapies and gossip with her friends instead of working a typical job, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

12) If she does not answer your phone calls for at least 2 days, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

13) If after a few drinks she goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

14) If she kicks your ass at pool or connect four, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

15) If you meet her family and they demand payments, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

16) If you are sending her money every month to support her, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

17) If she says she needs more than 25 000 baht a month to live, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

18) If you walk through Nana and she gets greeted by numerous friends, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

19) If you find yourself constantly telling yourself that she is “different”, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

20) If she jerks you off better than you can jerk yourself off, SHE MAY BE A BARGIRL

Well that’s my initial list, I’m sure with the help of Stickman readers we can come up with a fool proof system for indentifying bargirls. If there is one thing I have realised is that if you come to Thailand knowing you’re seen as a walking wallet and being vigilant this really is indeed a great place to visit. Play the game, don't let the game play you.

Stickman's thoughts:

If you're in Pattaya, most likely she is a bargirl…

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