Five months in Bangkok and Counting
I’ve recently passed my five month anniversary since moving to this amazing city. So time to send in an update. Life continues much as before. I am still not working, studying Thai, and dealing with the ladies.
Last time I wrote in I had two girlfriends, and I was planning to do a little pruning by dumping X and sticking with T. Well, the complete opposite has come about. When I broke up with X, she was so distraught and bugged me so much to take her back that I eventually relented. She is now my steady girlfriend and sleeps with me most nights.
Meanwhile, after 8 months, I have largely moved T out of my life. I’ve only seen her twice in the last month. She told one ridiculous lie too many and I became tired of her. She still messages me all the time, and would see me anytime I wanted to, but I just don’t feel like it.
Professional, beautiful, sexy, fun and intelligent, T appears to be the perfect girl on first impressions. But she is a pathological liar, making up ridiculous bullshit for no real advantage other than the attention it brings her. And the lies are serious in their consequences. It’s not easy to carry on a relationship with such a person, no matter what the other advantages are.
X is also far from perfect. She’s extremely popular with men, and loves their attention a little too much. I get the feeling almost every farang in Bangkok has hit on her at some stage or another. But she’s mostly honest. She tells me pretty much everything that goes on in her life and lets me check her phone whenever I want. I find the odd flirty message to other guys where she tells them she’s single or whatever, but I see no sign that she’s sleeping with anyone other than me. There are none of the “I miss your wet pussy” style messages that I see on other girls' phones.
I think she was shocked and disappointed that so many of her platonic male “friends” disappeared the minute she announced she had a boyfriend. She needs the validation of men lusting after her, and I can understand that. She’s a classic cock-tease and has told me she likes to let men think they’re getting somewhere when really they’re not. Initially she wanted to try the same trick on me, but I used psychological-judo on her and before she knew it she was the one who’d lost control of her emotions.
I’m not planning on marrying her, and I’m no angel myself, so as long as she’s fairly honest, I can accept this situation. She found other women’s clothes in my condo before and forgave me, so I can’t get too sanctimonious about things.
She sometimes lets me chat on her behalf to the guys who send her messages. I must admit it’s kind of fun. I like X and would be sad if I lost her, but lots of other guys seem to completely lose all control when it comes to her. The stuff they send is more akin to a lovesick teenager than the grown men they are. “I offer myself to you completely, heart and soul, but you don’t accept my love”, one very handsome professional guy messaged her (or to be more accurate, messaged me pretending to be her). Another guy based overseas Skypes with her for hours a day while she’s at work, happy just to watch her typing or walking around.
There’s something about X that really drives men crazy, which is why I guess she’s been successful as a model. Oddly enough, she doesn’t have this affect on me. I can objectively look at her and see that she’s really hot, but she just doesn’t make me lose all rational thought like she seems to with others. If I’m honest, the other women in my life turn me on more than she does.
Their pleasure in getting this kind attention is one major difference between Thai and farang girls. Stalking-type behaviour is often interpreted in flattering terms here. At home it would be considered creepy. X loves that when she dresses in skimpy outfits all the guys at the gym look at her. Girls at home would hate that and complain that men should learn to control themselves or be banned from the gym altogether.
In short, Thai women are appreciative of men’s sexuality and attention. Western women are generally frightened, annoyed and disgusted by it.
If I was looking at getting married with X this kind of thing would really bother me, but I’m not. In fact, I’m not interested in marrying anybody. If I was, a girl like X wouldn’t be my choice. I probably wouldn’t choose a Thai girl at all.
Pretty much everyone I know who’s been involved with Thai girls has a similar story. She treats you like you are the most important thing in her life and goes to ridiculous lengths to make you happy. She’s jealous and crazy at the slightest sign of another girl. She will look you sincerely in the eye and say: “You are my life; I want a future only with you; If you have another girl I will kill you and myself”. Meanwhile, she will be secretly telling other men how handsome they are and: “Sure I’m single, that photo on Facebook is of my ex-boyfriend”.
I’ve dated women from many countries and never had this problem before. In the beginning, an attractive girl will almost always have a couple of other men hanging around trying their luck. But when your relationship becomes serious, they will focus exclusively on you and will barely notice the existence of other men. Thai women are the only nationality I’ve ever dated who will seriously flirt with other men during the infatuation stage of a relationship. Of course, all bets are off whatever the girl’s nationality once the relationship sours.
This actually suits me to some extent, as a serious relationship is not what I’m looking for. I quite like having a steady-girlfriend, but I don’t want to make any sort of commitment. I want to be able to see other women on the side without too much guilt. The behaviour of Thai women allows me to do this.
In a candid moment, T told me the reason Thai women behave like they do is because Thai men teach them to be that way. They learn from an early age that men and relationships are unreliable, so it’s better to keep your options open.
To be fair, it may just be that I’m targeting the types of women who will inevitably behave like this. I remember a discussion with a friend of mine who’s trapped in a sexless marriage with a fat wife. It’s a dilemma every man faces: Is it better to have a frigid, homely girl who will almost certainly be monogamous; or a sexy nymphomaniac who almost certainly won’t be? Having tried both, I prefer the latter. But that’s just me.
Of course the ideal would be to have a girl so sexy that every man desires her, but she’s only horny for three-times-a-day sex with you and would never dream of touching anyone else. It would also be nice to own a unicorn.
I have met Thai women through online dating that appeared to be relationship-minded. After three or four dates, they wouldn't put out even though they clearly liked me and I was a bit pushy. So perhaps it is possible to find serious love here. But most men I talk to have similar experiences to me, which doesn’t bode well for those seeking marriage and family.
After judging others so harshly, I’m going to reveal that I too am not perfect. Hard to believe, I know.
I’ve added a new girl to my small harem since my last submission. She’s mid-twenties, really hot and a qualified nurse. She pretty much fell into my lap with an embarrassingly small amount of effort on my behalf. I chatted with her briefly on a dating site three months back, added her to Facebook and promptly forgot about her. She sent me a “How are you?” message a few weeks back and now she shares my bed at least once a week. Even better, she somehow manages to depart in the morning without leaving any sign she was ever in my condo. Kind of like a ninja.
Late last year, I paid a three-month subscription to one of the big dating sites. This was massive overkill, as after two weeks of playing around with the thing, I had more girls interested in me than I could possibly deal with.
It’s amazing how easy Bangkok is for meeting gorgeous women. I could walk around a farang city for an hour checking out the young women and not see anyone as hot as the Thai girls I pick up here with virtually no effort. It’s not even an achievement, and any half decent guy can do it. I’m okay looking, but I have plenty of friends back home who are more successful with women than me. None of them get girls even remotely as attractive as the ones I pull here.
You also don’t need to spend much money. When I read submissions about all Thai girls being hookers or men hiding the fact that they’re giving their girlfriend money, it makes me scratch my head. This has not been my experience at all. Believe what you want, but I 100% guarantee that I have never handed over money to any of the regular girls I have dated. If that was going on, I would say so. I want to give an accurate representation of life in Bangkok, and these are anonymous submissions, so I’ve no reason to lie.
If I wanted to date hookers, I’d do so. I’ve done it before and am not ashamed of it. I can understand why some guys are more comfortable with the control that paying their girlfriend gives them. But it’s not for me.
The girls I date could easily find a guy to pay them a girlfriend-salary. But they stick with me, even though I don’t give them money. They’re just not that type of girl, and deliberately choose not to be. If they did ask me for money, I’d dump them. I know it’s easy to find a hot, professional girl who doesn’t treat me like a John, so why would I choose one who does?
I do however, pay for drinks and meals more often than not. I just think life is better that way. I have more money than them, and don’t like creating uncomfortable situations by being stingy. A typical dinner I pay for would be 300-500 baht. On a night out, I might spend 600 baht on drinks for them. If these kinds of figures bother you, or you think they are akin to prostitution, then that’s up to you. I think you’ll have a hard time getting hot girls to like you though, wherever you are in the world.
Women spend a lot of time and money to look as hot as they are. Clothes, beauty salons and makeup aren’t cheap. They cover these costs, you pay for the drinks and meals. That’s the way the world works.
And even these costs I don’t cover every time. Often we stay at home and watch movies. They do their bit too. Most of the sheets, towels and other bits and pieces in my condo have been donated by girlfriends. They often arrive at my condo with dinner for the night already bought. I have a whole bunch of wine at home compliments of a girlfriend. And for a holiday we’ve planned: she’s paying for the flights, I’m paying for the (cheap) hotel.
The bottom line is that if you are in reasonable shape, and know how to show a girl an enjoyable time, you don’t need to pay in Bangkok – apart from picking up the bill at bars and restaurants. Even when I came here on holiday for a few weeks at a time, I would often have holiday romances with girls without any cash changing hands. Many of my friends are in the same situation, so I’m not special.
So how much does it cost to live here? I checked my bank statement and in the last 31 days I spent 105,000 baht. I live in a nice one bedroom furnished condo in one of the most expensive parts of the city. A maid regularly comes to do all my housework, including washing and ironing. I eat out at least twice a day. Often, I have a female companion whose meal I pay for. During most of this time I had overseas visitors, so I went out at least four times a week, usually to more expensive places where I drank wine or cocktails. I also went for a three night trip to Hua Hin where I paid for a mid-range hotel and a few tourist trips. I generally take the BTS when I want to go somewhere, but I also catch taxis a few times a week. I rarely slept alone or went a day without sex.
In short, for this money I had a very enjoyable month. I didn’t pay for the services of any ladies of the night, however. If I was doing that regularly I think I would have spent quite a bit more. <Absolutely true and to those who say the difference between sex you pay for (directly) and the sex you don't pay for is that paid sex is cheaper, NOT IN BANGKOK – Stick>
On the flip side, I could spend quite a bit less on my condo and still be very comfortable and in a convenient location. I could eat cheaper meals or cook at home more often. There is a food court near me where I can eat a nice dinner for less than 100 baht. If I went there more often, or to a cheap buffet, my costs would be substantially lower. If I went out less, and watched movies at home more, I’d also save a lot.
My guess is that I could live a comfortable lifestyle, comparable to what a single middle-class guy in the West would have, for around 70,000 baht a month. I could eat out at a middle-range restaurant at least once a day, have a nice one bedroom condo in a good location, and go out a couple of times a week within this budget. This would be without any expensive holidays or major purchases, however.
A good place to go out if you’re looking to meet girls are the Thai clubs on Rachada sois 4 and 8. There were more girls than men there each time I went out and I got plenty of smiles and stares even though I was already with a girlfriend. I think it would be very easy to pick up some cute women in these places, and they’re not hooker clubs. Although, as a friend commented to me, we already have more women than we need, why bother putting in the effort to meet girls in clubs?
I went out to Khao San Road for the night not long ago, and it reminded me of why I wanted to move to Asia. There were lots of young farang women in their early twenties, who physically should be at the height of their attractiveness. The problem was almost none of them were attractive. They were badly dressed, badly groomed and often overweight. To top it off, most of them had an air of attitude that you rarely get from Thai girls.
The young farang men were also very aggressive. I don’t blame them with the amount of sexual frustration they must be experiencing. I saw many of them trying their best with the farang girls and getting basically nowhere. If only they knew how much better their success rate would be if they’d venture outside their comfort zone a little.
I also couldn’t help but notice how masculine farang women are compared to Asians. We all know they’re more hairy, but they’re also more solidly built. Their attitude to life is competitive and masculine. They want men to respect them for their achievements, not their femininity.
I can’t help but wonder if it’s genetic. Ladyboys and feminine women are common in Thailand, women who look and act like butch lesbians are common in Farangland. You see few ladyboys at home and few butch women here. Why is that?
Overall, I’m still very happy with my life in Bangkok and hope to stay here for the foreseeable future. A friend at home recently told me that he thinks I’d become depressed if I had to move back to Australia for any reason. I’ve definitely been spoiled here, and I can’t disagree with him.
I concur with all the points you make. Be presentable, clean cut, friendly, treat people nice and not be lecherous…and opportunity abounds!
A small piece of advice for Napster : when you date your hotties and drink wine together, make sure she sits beside you or to the side. Sitting opposite each other would not be a good idea….