Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 363

  • Written by Dana
  • January 19th, 2013
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok




"If that is not five star hotel customer service then you can fish slap me with a harelip's panties." (TT&A)

Greetings Dana Fans and Stickman fans: today a business note and a personal opportunity. Due to the international aspect of this project including Chinese manufacturing and overseas investors (Dutch and Malaysian) this project has been a long time coming. I expect this to be a success of the tsunami variety but we will never forget that each and every one of you are individuals and valued customers. Any suggestions for additional product will be taken seriously. Ok, I'm in the Kiss Me Kwik bar east of 3rd Road in Pattaya and I've been drinking, but most of that is true. Bye-the-way, if you are in a bar surrounded by falling down chain link fence, barking dogs, and broken concrete blocks you want to be a little careful what you take home with you. Standing in the shower watching her make-up wash off can be frightening. Just sayin' is all.

Dana Enterprises Business Note:

You better sit down for this one, aka I'm up to something. That's right, Dana Enterprises and myself, Dana, are making a business announcement of original and awesome aspect. To wit: in a licensing agreement with Pee Pang Pung Industries of Shanghai, China we are going to be manufacturing and distributing farang monger action figure dolls. I know . . . I know. Are you glad you were sitting down? This is one of those 'Holy [email protected]#$wad jumped up Jesus' moments in your life you will never forget. I mean, sweet Jesus on a cracker; how wonderful can life get?

Anyway, the dolls will be anatomically, facially, scaled, and fashion correct. Available as Pattaya Gary, Oy, Chiang Mai Kelly,
Princess, Union Hill, Mekong Kurt, a Feminist doll (comes with package of pins), Fa, 500 Baht Walt, various Nana Hotel lounge lizards, Dr. J.A. Earnshawe BSc PhD, IndyUK, Jimmy Blonde, Sick Water Buffalo, Pothole Research, Boom Boom (a Nana Hotel car park friend of mine), Superbabies door men dolls, Caveman, generic Wan and Noi dolls, Emma the tranny, generic Northeast Thailand Vietnam veteran dolls, Dave the Rave doll, bleeding eyebrow plucker from the Pattaya boardwalk, Walking Street Russian mobster wife doll, volunteer police dolls, Hi-So department store shopper, Immigration official, taxi driver, blind Suhkumvit Road vendor, Boss Hog, farang owner of the old Electric Blue bar in Pattaya, Nana Entertainment Plaza child flower seller, two Rainbow bar 'shower girls' , Robinson's Department store 'good girl retail clerk', and a Dana doll (worth more in an unopened original box).

The mix and match creative play possibilities are endless. Educational and fun action figure doll experiences to be had only in the Kingdom or the Kingdom of your mind. All dolls will come with two different outfits and extra clothing accessories are available. And, you better sit down for this one again, all dolls will have three different things that they say. For example, the 500 Baht Walt doll says:

"I only pay 500 baht."
"I only pay 500 baht."
"I only pay 500 baht."

Ok, he is not exactly chatty but you get the point.

The Vietnam veteran doll says:

"It's all politics man."
"You wouldn't understand if I told you."
"I ain't sayin' and you shouldn't be askin'."

and Oy, the Pattaya Gary girlfriend doll, says:

"5000 baht includes pictures."
"I can replace any man's wife."
"You'll beg and love it."

Yes sir, the mix and match possibilities of these monger action figure dolls are as endless as your imagination. And there won't be any feminists around to tell you what to think and what to say and what to do and what to imagine. Just you and your own happy world and your own happy smiles. Creative play and lessons learned in an exotic south-east Asian nation. Imagine three dolls together: Boom-Boom, Fa, and Oy. And now here comes the Pattaya Gary doll. Oh boy, look out. Get the camera and start writing things down.

Dolls suitable for ages twenty-five to seventy-five. Age release documents accepted at point-of-sale, discounts for different doll 'sets', discreet shipping, biographies printed on all doll packages, clothing and shoe and jewelry accessories, and monthly purchase programs available. Paperwork and meetings are now in play internationally with investment houses to make these dolls a part of your estate. Details to follow. A Farang Monger Action Figure Dolls fan club and blog website will be available to purchasers. Share your experiences. Tell your stories. Show your farang action figure doll videos. Form meaningful friendships worldwide. Photos encouraged. And yes, and I was not going to mention this so soon; purchasers of the entire doll set will receive favored Dana Fan Club application status.

Special Note: try and show some respect and adult behavior. I was not really enthusiastic about manufacturing and distributing a Fa doll but the Dutch banks and Malaysian financiers insisted on it. I guess international business is all about compromise. Just show some respect is all I'm sayin'. And, of course, there won't be any French dolls. You knew that.

Send your inquiries regarding price, product, shipping, currency exchange, warranties, and membership privileges information to:

Farang Monger Action Figure Dolls Dept.
Dana Enterprises
South Pattaya Road
Pattaya, Thailand
Attn: Foomy, Doomy, or Pla

Walk-ins are welcome, just look for the hanging birdcages over the sidewalk. No trouble makers please: you know without being told not to speak to Fa on the boardwalk about this. That is the way of incidents and madness. And yes, the Caveman doll does have a motorcycle with sidecar plus photography assistant accessory package. You knew that.