Online Dating Outside of Thailand
Thais don't have the same dating problems others do…
I have a sister who is divorced. My 82 year-old mother calls me up and tells me that she's sad because my sister can't get a date. She's a little overweight, has two teenage daughters, and is teetering on her 57th birthday. I mean what's the problem.
So my mother is filled with remorse for her only daughter, who by the way has been playing the victim since puberty. And even though my mother knows this, she's still fraught with guilt. My reply to my mother is to tell my sister to get online and look at dating sites – the same sites that guys on Stickmanbangkok.com write about – like Thailovelinks.com or Thaifriendly.com. There are millions of well-wishers out there who are willing to take the plunge into the online dating unknown. Pick any of the trillion reasons for doing this. My sister only has to find one.
Then my mother mentions a commercial on TV she saw for a website called ChristianMingle.com, where supposedly they find "God's Match For You."
My mother asks "Do you think they could hook up an atheist?" I take a moment to remind my mother that my sister is Jewish.
And a few clicks later, I see right before my very own eyes, the answer to my mother's prayers.
"Hey Mom, they have Jewish Mingle.com too!!"
My mother can't believe it. Perhaps she is fantasizing for herself. A nice 90 year-old man who doesn't kvetch all day, and is hot to trot. The possibilities are endless. I try to block it out from my over-active imagination, and I instead blurt out—
"Mom, all I have to do is log in, and the computer will spit out binders of eligible Jewish men eager to take the plunge into Gods knows what."
I start to type in my sister's zip code, eye and hair color, weight, profession, whether she likes to smoke or drink, or has kids, whether or not she prefers men who have never been married, or other men who have kids, etc. In a microsecond, up pops 3 guys about her age. All of them look better than her ex-husband, even though one guy looks a little like Osama bin Laden. Ok, my sister can't be too picky. My mother is ecstatic.
Then, I say, "Hey Mom, if she doesn't want to date a nice Jewish guy, there are other websites out there too."
My mother says "Like what?"
I say, "Well, she could date a Muslim guy."
"You're joking!" my mother says.
"No, they actually have Muslim Mingle.com."
And I look it up to make sure. One quick Google and it's confirmed. Yep, Muslim Mingle.com. And when you check out the photos of these hot Muslim chicks, you see hoards of exquisite beekeeper suits. The kind Dior and Gucci might design. These women were so drop dead gorgeous, I started fantasizing myself. I'd even thought about giving up some of my goats for these babes.
It wasn't long after that, that I found Amish Mingle.com and even Harikrishna Mingle.com. "Looking for my princess in Bangalore!!" Then I started to do some real research. I felt like a fellow at the Brookings Institute for Online Dating. I found "Gateway to Amish Country Lesbian Personals" and "Gateway to Amish Country Black Singles." F**K!! What I'd pay to see a nice Amish woman with a Black dude in a horse drawn buggy!
I'm not done yet.
There was Midget Mingle.com. Might even be Midget Amish Mingle.com. I'm afraid to look.
They even have Jehovah Witness dating sites. They advertise "Still Looking For Your Perfect Match?" Yea, I'm betting those websites don't get as many hits as Jewish American Princess Mingle.com or Feminazi Mingle.com. But I could be wrong.
Then I thought, hell, do they have dating sites for less diverse populations?
In Papua, New Guinea there could be Headhunter Mingle.com. Date until dinner. Or in the Karen village in Chiang Mai, there could be Longneck Mingle.com. Favorite pastime: trying to get a hickey. How about Eskimo Mingle.com. No nose rubbing on the first date.
(Actually I'm secretly wishing for my sister to get neutered.)
And yes, for all you Thai diehards out there, they do have Buddhist Mingle.com too!
And if my sister still can't find what she's looking for on any of these sites—I told her to GO TO THAILAND—, because there are even MORE possibilities in the Land of Smiles.
Your sister is the same age as Phet and they're both looking…