Stickman Readers' Submissions January 25th, 2013

In Support Of (Some) Women

There has been so much written in this and like blogs about women. Women who we are unhappy to be with. Women who we perceive as being less than honest. Women who are thought to only want men to “look after” them in a manner to which they want to become accustomed. Women in general.

Many blogs refer to these women as “feminazis”. Maybe this is a relevant expression for some women, BUT, not all. In fact maybe only a small percentage of women really fit into this category.

He Clinic Bangkok

Within these blogs it is said that western women want specific qualities in the man they want to be with and will not settle for anything else. I have tried unsuccessfully to meet western women in my country with very limited success. Some of the worst examples were:

She had a ‘shopping list’ of questions she wanted answered and when I did not fit all of her requirements, she walked. She was not even contemplating that we could have any relationship unless I ticked ALL the boxes.

One wanted to know about me in detail including my ancestry and I.Q. It transpired that she was looking for a man with what she determined were the right genes for her future children.

CBD bangkok

Another required that I demonstrate that I would be able to provide her with a house and specific car.

Another was only looking for any man that could afford to support her (including paying off HER mortgage).

Yet another would not get into my European car which was only 6 years old but still looked like new, because it was not a BMW.

Yes, I am sure that many readers of the blogs have all encountered such women and tend to think they are all like that because it seems that they are the majority of the ones we meet. Maybe they are the only ones who are available and are wanting to meet men.

wonderland clinic

Even here in LOS we tend to meet many of the same type of women, although maybe they do not have such specific requirements for a future husband. Mostly they just want to be ‘taken care of’ and don’t consider much else. Mostly these girls are bar girls or have children from a previous relationship. Can’t blame them for wanting this as it is a form of security for them and their family where nothing is provided by the government to help them. Still, they can also be excellent partners if we are lucky.

I tend to think that many of the contributors have been involved in one or more unsuccessful marriages either in their native country or here in LOS, myself included.

Someone posed a question to me many years ago about marriage. He asked me why I got married in the first place and gave me 4 scenarios to choose from.

1. Did I marry the wrong person for the wrong reason?

2. Did I marry the wrong person for the right reason?

3. Did I marry the right person for the wrong reason?

4. Did I marry the right person for the right reason?

Only the last of these choices is likely to result in a truly close and loving relationship.

For myself, and after a great deal of thought, I realized that I chose to get married for the third reason and had started to regret it after many years, but we remained on good terms and I stayed for the sake of the family. It wasn’t too bad until after the children left home and then it started to fold. 10 years of good marriage, 20 years of not so good and 5 years of hell before she finally came to the conclusion that it was better to divorce amicably. I was lucky in that we agreed to a 50 / 50 split and that I could lodge the divorce papers myself, thus avoiding 2 sets of solicitors costs.

How many of you know of successful long term marriages? I know of many back home and congratulate them for their happiness. I can only wish them the best for a long and happy life together.

There are also many here in LOS that I know of who have long and happy marriages to Thai women, but we have to work hard to keep the marriage happy because there are so many cultural and language differences to overcome.

Why don’t we hear about ALL these happy marriages here in this blog or others? Just a few contribute to tell about their marriages that are good.

I hear many times about the vocal minority. This group, because of the vocal support they seem to get from each other, make it seem that their gripes are everyone’s gripes. The vocal minority seem to generate publicity in one form or another and because there is very little publicity opposing their views, it is taken that their views must be right.

Those who are not the vocal minority don’t really care that much about opposing these views and are happy with what they have and do not need to protest.

So, where are all these ‘good’ women who are able to sustain a happy relationship? They are certainly not out there looking for a new love because they already have one. They will not be the divorcee who is on the rebound. They will not be the thirty something career woman who has discovered that she is getting past her time to raise a family. They will not be the career woman who has been competing with men for her job and who sees men as competition.

So where are they?

We see them everywhere. They are the majority of the women we see. They are in the shops quietly going about their business. They are with a bunch of kids. They are happily having coffee with their friends. They are everywhere, but we don’t recognize them because they don’t show any interest in us and are usually in a happy and stable relationship. They are happy with their contribution to the relationship as well as their partners contribution.

Here in LOS, how are we to find the “good girls”? ASK. Ask the bar girl to introduce you to her friends. Talk to the girl sitting next to you in the food court and maybe ask her if she knows anybody for you. Ask friends who have Thai girl friends for introductions. Maybe it will be the Thai girl who flashes you a winning smile in the supermarket. Smile back and say hello. You never know what will transpire if you are polite.

Let’s now look at this from a different perspective.

How are we perceived by the women?

In Phet's recent contribution titled “Almost a Christmas Romance”, he describes himself as follows. (Phet, I hope you don’t mind my copying you here:)

"I will acknowledge I am a decent bloke, honest, reliable and likeable with a ready wit and certainly not too physically repulsive. I still have a good head of hair and most of my own teeth. I am not overweight and I dress well, if a tad conservative. But in a competitive environment where I am not just competing with at least 6 other guys for each tolerable female I am also competing with the unreasonable expectations of modern womanhood. My only salvation is in the land of the truly hideous the merely repulsive trumps.

Although I am certainly not quite qualified to play one of Snow White’s companions in pantomime, being a few inches short of six foot appears to preclude me from the specifications of the vast majority of British females (which is apparently all about them wearing high heels). I have definitely lost the bloom of youth, my laughter lines are undeniably wrinkles and the bags under my eyes would hide a company of light infantry.

Financially I am certainly not an attractive proposition so I have to be practical and can not realistically entertain any illusions that I am a wonderful catch. To do so would be a delusion. This is not false modesty or self deprecation but hard nosed pragmatism. <This is the bottom line, I reckon. As a man ages, an empty war chest is more unattractive to women than a beer gut, a lack of fashion sense or even a few rotten teeth –
Stick >

In reality the issue of financial security is no longer a vote winner amongst western women, it is now a given. As with Herzberg’s theory of motivation, fiscal solvency is a “hygiene” factor rather than a motivator. That you are solvent is merely a qualifier and their priority is that you are not a burden on them. One should never forget that Briffault’s law always prevails

The female not the male determines all conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male no such association takes place.”

I certainly agree with his comments about the available women.

For myself, I am in my mid sixties, a couple of inches short of six feet but still only a few kilos over the weight I was more than forty years ago when I played A grade rugby. I am still physically fit and scuba dive frequently as well as riding a bicycle at least 4 days per week. The bar girls frequently ask “How you still have body like young man”? I work at it to keep in shape. This body has to last me a long time and keeping healthy is important to me. Sure, I love a beer as much as the next man but for a night out, 4 beers is my personal limit.

Here in LOS I see mostly older men who could all benefit from losing a few kilos. They are not always dressed even remotely decently and by that I mean at least a collared T-shirt, clean shorts and leather sandals. How many times do I see a beer swilling someone wearing a beer-themed singlet stretched over a large gut, shorts that have seen better days and rubber thongs. Personally I would not dream of being seen in public like that.

How many are carrying baggage from a previous relationship. What are they looking for in a new relationship?

Are they looking for someone like their mum who was a wife in the traditional sense? Someone who stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, obeyed her husband and was generally a good wife.

WIFE = Washing, Ironing, F%#@ing, Etc.

Sure, you can get that here, but how long will it last?

Western women see the men like the ones described here as much less than desirable, and I can’t blame them. In the same way I don’t want someone who is larger than life, wants to be “cared for” and has baggage, the women don’t want that either. I guess some settle for less than second best because they can’t attract one of the better male specimens and if you are desperate enough…

We males can at least come to LOS and find someone for either short or long term that will satisfy our requirements for a WIFE. But what options do these women have? Not many that I can see. It’s highly unlikely that they could find a man much younger than they are who will be capable of caring for them in the way they seem to want.

Here in LOS us males have all the choices and I wouldn’t swap my Thai wife for anything.

nana plaza