Addicted to Crack
The question is should I head back to Southeast Asia? I've been to Bangkok t times now. I think on your second trip back over, you get handed some gold wings by the flight attendant, that officially designate you as an "Official Sex Tourist" – at least that's how I felt going back over for some X-rated R & R.
I think it was on my 4th trip that I started to get a little bored with the whole pay for play scene. I still love the women, but I can see it's a road to nowhere. I always travel over there on my own. Bangkok has become an addiction for me. I still read Stick's weekly articles so I've never totally cut the ties to Thailand. It's like an addiction that I've tried to keep in check. I know the first few days there will be fun with the sights, smells, etc., but I know I will get a little bored in a few days. The longer I stay away, the clearer I see what the picture over there is really like. I've seen some videos on YouTube of Walking Street in Pattaya. It's funny. In all those videos and with all the people that hang out there, other than the working girls, I don't see anyone that I would ever want to hang out with. When I look at the videos on YouTube of Nana and Soi Cowboy, it just looks like a lot of looser types that I would never associate myself with. It was always about the available girls over there and not much else. I do love the people, the beaches and the food. On my second trip to Phuket, I got so disgusted with all the scuzzy, tattooed up low-lifes there that I cut my trip short and flew back to Bangkok. I guess that's when I really discovered what the word "Euro-trash" meant.
I do love Thailand as a country. I've even thought about heading over with a girl. I know….that's like taking sand to the beach. I've recently tried to get a handle on my addiction to crack. We men are ruled by our penises (speaking for myself). It can really blur the thinking since it pulls the blood flow from the big brain to the small one. I think back to all the women I've been with, and how the overriding theme through my life has been 3 things – pussy, pussy, and more pussy. It's like Woody Allen said, "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's one of the best!"
I really am trying to get a handle on the addiction to crack and try not to let the "need" control me. It's hard, because I definitely have the money to feed my addiction. It's like an alcoholic that quits drinking for a bit, then he falls off the wagon and "goes on a runner". I think that's what they call it. Anyway, if I book another trip over to Bangkok, it will be because I've fallen off the wagon. Once again, my penis will lead and I will follow. I've managed to keep things in control for a while now. It's so easy in my mind to justify things. Hey, at my age, if I enjoy something, I should be able to indulge. It's not hurting anyone. No one will find out. I'm a responsible adult. Okay, maybe I'm stretching on that one.
If I go again, I'll tell friends that I'm going to Dubai to see the sights. After about 3 days, I'll be on the first flight from Dubai to Bangkok. I know that a real good relationship with a woman really has nothing to do with sex. I've had some great long term relationships. I've been very lucky and blessed so far in life. It's weird getting to almost 60 years old. I know it's just a number. It's true what old people say, that life really flies by fast. I guess I'll just live in the moment like the Thai people and enjoy the journey.
It's funny. I see these old guys in my neighborhood out walking their little dog and I think, gee, is this what it comes down to in the end? Just keeping things simple and enjoying a little dog's company? Guess that's what I've been doing all along. Just keeping it simple. Instead of a dog, I've chosen a smaller little furry object to keep me entertained. Instead of buying dog food, my pet needs things like gifts, vacations and jewelry. Maybe those guys with the little dogs are smarter than me and have it all figured out. A little dog food can be much cheaper in the long run.
I recently read a series of 4 submissions by "American Ling". Wow, that guy was on a mission. Just like I am when I head over. I know what I'm going over for so I get right with the program. Funny, he stayed at the same hotel I do on Sukhumvit Soi 4 and went to many of my same hangouts! The guy was all about racking up numbers, while at the same time trying to have a hell of a lot of fun. That's my mission when I go over. Some of the sex and women is over top fun, but when you go for big total body count numbers, you're going to have a few that are just simply a waste of time – not unlike dating in the US. Is that called being a "hardcore monger?" I'm really not like that in my home country. I guess it's all about supply and demand. Some people can handle pay for play, and some guys just go off the deep end. I try to keep things real. Sex is great, but I can really see a problem when it becomes your whole life's focus. Like they say. Too much of a good thing? Better to enjoy everything in moderation.
Funny. I was thinking some junkie who has a real addiction problem types "addicted to crack" into a search engine, and comes up with this submission. Ha! sorry 'bout that mate.
I understand that some really love the nightlife, but I reckon unless you're really highly driven sexually, it has got to get boring. I have a theory that a lot of guys who gravitate towards the industry do so because they are a mix of bored and lonely and they just don't have a lot going on in their life. We're all different, but I am amazed at how some guys put up with a lot of crap for what might be as little as a few minutes fun in bed.