Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 352

  • Written by Dana
  • November 3rd, 2012
  • 4 min read



Dana Enterprises Update: Dana Quote Contest

Hello Dana fans: we start this week with news about the Dana Quote Contest that has had the citizens of many nations in a competitive frenzy for fifteen weeks.

Many entrants to the Dana Quote Contest got all fifteen quotes correct. Some entrants to the Dana Quote Contest got all fifteen regular quotes and all eight bonus quotes correct. However, the grand prize for 100% correct quote identification goes to Fondork Blightster Bilarong of Flies-In-My-Eyes, Australia who was the first one in with all quotes. A champion is born. When the women of Flies-In-My-Eyes get the news about Fondork I do not envy his personal life. Being treated like man meat can get tedious. Sometimes a man just wants to be held. They will chase him down and tear at him with sex need frenzy. I feel your pain Fondork.

Upon receiving his congratulatory certificate and suitable-for-wall-hanging plaque he was heard to say:

"Somebody help me read this. I've got flies in my eyes."

Congratulations Mr. Bilarong
Dana
C.E.O. Dana Enterprises

P.S. — The grand prize was . . . oops, I can see we are all out of time. We will have text, photo, and video descriptions of the grand prize in the very near future. Right now I have office girls Fum and Fong and Dum and Dong working on shipping and currency issues. Smooth follow-thru on these prize giving administrative issues is complicated by the fact that every time we try to talk to Australian officials we can not understand anything they say. Fondork (I call him Dork) has also consented to have his phone number made public for those of you who want to talk to him. The phone is attached to a tree so you may have to talk to others first but just be patient, the tree is front of a bar; they'll find him.

and now . . .

HANGING DOWN MAN PARTS

Question: have you ever had a Thai girlfriend who takes her big giant pet turtle out of the turtle cage (to clean the cage) without telling you and puts it on the couch upside down (so that it won't crawl away)? Next you come out of the shower naked and sit down on the turtle? You have hanging down man parts and the turtle has pointy sharp turtle parts sticking up and you SIT DOWN on the turtle? Of course you have, we've all had this happen to us. Guys dream of living with a beautiful young happy smiling Thai lady but you pay. Boy oh boy do you pay. Nothing is free and the bill always come due. She may have breasts hitting her under the chin and a 50,000 watt smile but you are going to sit on turtle parts. Just sayin'.

and now . . . and on a sad note:

RUFUS HAS DIED

Rufus, the office dog here at Dana Enterprises in Pattaya has died. He was trying to get to a wedge of cheese on a tabletop and a vase fell on him and knocked him out. At the time we had flooding on the Soi and the front door was sandbagged. Foomy dragged him outdoors to give him some fresh air but did not calculate the flooded soi and he drowned. Sad. Anyway, a memorium article and death notice is being prepared for the Pattaymail newspaper that will pay respects, notify the community, and detail his biography. Rufus started out in Udon, spent years at the Soi 4 office of Dana Central in Bangkok, and ended his career at Dana Enterprises on South Road in Pattaya. God, the stories he could tell.

No dog could hump a leg like Rufus and he was not fussy about love. Human leg, dog leg, table leg; all the same to Rufus the wonder dog. It was all about the love with Rufus and he spread his semen around like a broken paint mixer machine gone berserk in a hardware store. He was a combination Udon mutt, great Dane, hedgehog, Chihuahua, and mastiff. Nobody messed with Rufus. He would bark and warn us when he saw Korski coming, and he also had unerring bark radar that could detect incoming mail that had disgusting naked pictures inside. He found these photos disturbing and so did we. He was a humper but a humper with class: a key element in keeping up standards at Dana Enterprises.

An open casket viewing ceremony will be had at the Dana Bar and then his weighted casket will be carried down to the shore by office employees, bargirls, and a tranny in a dog costume (don't ask). He will then be rowed out to one of the offshore catapult barges. Rufus will be catapulted into the starry Pattaya night at midnight. Watch this website for the day and date. Dog friends and lovers will be bussed in from Udon, and Bangkok, and Pattaya. The most honorable Reverend of the Church of Dana will preside. There will be a fifty tranny pink smoke bomb aerial parachute show, top deck video clips of Rufus humping the legs of Ming and Bam and Foomy and Dong in the office, and a post video show stage presentation including naked office girls body painted to look like a great Dane, a Chihuahua, a Udon mutt, and a mastiff. Four trannies will be in dog costumes with their giant wangers connected to their wrists by bungee cords. Chiang Mai Kelly dressed in a hedgehog costume will mix with the crowd exchanging condolences and assigning grief counselors. Open bar.