Stickman Readers' Submissions November 24th, 2012

Tales from the Hill Village Part 2

More Village gossip.

Month 3, 4 & 5

He Clinic Bangkok

The brother in law number 1 wanted to borrow 5,000 baht as his court case for possession of a gun is proceeding through the courts at a snail's pace. This all resulted on a police bust on his “house” where they found cannabis
and drugs, due to a tip off from one of his ex friends. The cannabis charge has been dealt with sometime ago after months and months of court cases now it's the gun charge. The money has gone on to his tab so I will get repaid eventually.

The parents of brother in law number 1's wife (hail from Issan) have rung up my father in law wanting 2,000 baht. If they don't get it he is not welcome to visit any more. Father in law says they just want to buy whisky and won't
be sending any. Apparently he had sent them money in the past to buy some land and they squandered it on booze.

My father in law bought a colt revolver the other day (with my money). He had a gun licence but no gun. Now he walks around packing his gun in a shoulder holster. Apparently he has been threatened by some guys. Also several relatives who
had illegally squatted on his land who he has now had removed as we are about to start up our corn growing venture are a bit upset with him as well. He showed me his shotgun recently. I only knew what it was when he showed me the bullets. I recognise
a shotgun cartridge when I see one.

CBD bangkok

You feel quite safe when your father in law has guns, but must remember not to upset the wife or things could change! My wife now wants a gun and is going to apply for a gun licence.

Brother in law's no1 wife has stopped taking the pill, the patter of tiny feet soon, apparently she wants another baby, the previous one being looked after by her ex husband. She is exactly the same height as my 11-year old daughter.
I have almost got them confused and hugged the wrong one!! The wife slept over last night as her husband went out hunting in the mountains, not sure what he hunts with as the police have his gun.

I went to get my visa extension. Not knowing where to go I first went to Khon Kaen Immigration as it was the nearest place that I knew of. I was told wrong immigration office and told which nearest provincial capital to my home was the the
proper one to visit. When I went there I didn't have two copies of the paperwork and a picture of my house even though I had pictures of me and family inside the house and on the porch. Anyway, we went back the next day and I was then told
it would be a lot easier if I applied for a retirement extension rather than an extension based on marriage. They could issue a retirement extension straight away or it would take weeks for a marriage extension as they have to send the paperwork
to Bangkok. So as I had 2 letters, one confirming 400,000 in the bank and one confirming 800,000 in the bank, I was able to get my visa extension at the third attempt.

One of the most irritating things I find is that people keep stealing my shoes. Two new pairs have disappeared since I arrived. One I note adorns the feet of my father-in-law. Other irritations are the way they open the door of the garage
and then don't put the padlock back in the right place so I have to keep replacing padlocks. I have also had to replace my carborundum as that has disappeared too. I now put my shoes in my room every night to foil the thieving b——s.

wonderland clinic

Brother in law number 3 has been arrested by the police. Apparently somebody grassed him up. He had a gun which he used to go up in to the mountains with his friends and hunt pig and deer. He would then sell the meat providing a handy extra
income. I have already bailed this brother in law before when he accidentally shot one of his friends whilst hunting and I bailed him out to the tune of about 60,000 baht as he had to pay the hospital expenses and pay him whilst he was off work.
I haven't seen a baht of it back from over two years ago. Not even some free meat which would have been appreciated. Hence I won't be providing any dosh to help him out this time. Thais seem to think they don't have to pay back
loans – and I wasn't charging him interest either.

Some relatives are over at the moment picking corn. They are paid 25 baht a sack and the best seem to be able to do 14 sacks a day. This is much better than the normal daily rate of 200 baht per day. Father in law expects to earn about 500,000
baht from the 50 rai of corn he is cultivating. He of course has to pay back his sponsor who is funding him (me).

We went back to the relatives' house for a day off yesterday. During the p.m. everybody disappeared. This I thought strange and proceeded to climb up the stairs with the children. When we got to the top of the house I found that the
wife was involved in some sort of Buddhist ceremony which involved her being annointed with cream, given her lucky numbers which she used on the Thai lottery and involved her paying money as a gift to the Buddhist holy man. He wasn't an actual
priest in the orange robes but one of the workers in the corn fields and relative of her dads so a distant cousin, who obviously does this part time to make money from the gullible such as my wife. Another relative gave my wife a picture of her
19-year old daughter who she wants to marry a rich falang. Apparently she thinks my wife can find one. She is working in a bar near Rayong at the moment.

A guy came over today who showed us his shotgun (held legally with a gun license), a Remington shotgun which cost 45,000 baht. When being shown this admittedly beautiful weapon I was half expecting father in law to want me to buy it for him.
Luckily the moment passed without a request. I suspect that when my wife gets her gun licence it could be a Remington shotgun that we buy.

A 25-year old man has expressed interest in marrying my 11-year old daughter. I hope my wife told him where to go. I suspect he is most interested in becoming a son in law to a falang.

Stickman's thoughts:

I really hope you have a tree in your backyard that grows money – the way the villagers come to you for help you're going to need one! I'm sure life in the village is colourful and never boring while at the same time I think it takes a certain type of person to be able to live in that environment.

nana plaza