Readers' Submissions

Is That Rubber Hose More Bark Than Bite?

  • Written by Anonymous
  • November 6th, 2012
  • 9 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


I realize that nothing that happens on Bangla Road, or in Nana or Soi Cowboy is real. But now that I’m single again, I think back to all the pleasant experiences I had. Like the time I asked the concierge at the hotel if she would look up the address of my company’s Bangkok office. Not only was she happy to do that, she printed out the address in both English (for me) and Thai (for the taxi driver) and a map. Based on only one two-week vacation, it seems that the Thais are happy polite helpful, and the women particularly beautiful. I’m thinking seriously about getting assigned to work in Thailand in the next few years if I can swing that, or if not, then either retiring or at least taking a couple years off and relaxing where there is some seriously fine karma to be had. For now, my current job is a work-camp situation, work 6 long days per week for 10 weeks then get 2 weeks off. I plan to spend a lot of time in Thailand going forward. I’ll be landing in Bangkok on November 7th. I plan to spend a week in Bangkok and then a week in Isaan as a volunteer teaching English.

Since I hope to find a beautiful Thai woman substantially younger than I am, realistically I should be willing to accept the fact that for her part of my initial attraction is that I’m financially secure. I’ve seen the older-wealthier-man/younger-beautiful-woman combination work many times as a lasting, happy relationship. But not if the younger-beautiful-woman was ever a professional. Unfortunately, it seems that we farangs damage those beautiful girls too much. The odds are too long.

Any ways, for some reason I can’t explain, I feel compelled to insist that I am basically a normal middle-aged guy, despite the following ping-pong story:

It’s a nice warm night for my girlfriend (K) and I, a couple of newbies to Thailand, as we walk down Bangla Road in Phuket. All the fun that exists anywhere else in the world is here, plus more. Speaking of more, there is this thing called a ping-pong show and from what I’ve heard, it's Thailand’s unique version of Vaudeville. We know there will be a 2 drink minimum, and the drinks will be expensive, but if you look at it the right way, that is just the price of the show, which is about the same as going to the movies back home, and two drinks come with it. It’s all good. It’s our first time in Thailand, we didn’t have the benefit of a detailed column on how to choose between the shows, so we ended up making a blind guess, and for having picked the place we did, we ended up in a dark square room about 6 meters across with a stage complete with stripper pole in the middle. There are several couples, one group of all guys, but altogether more women than men, which surprised me a little… more farang girls was by far the least of the surprises to come.

The first performer comes, and she is a goddess. Perhaps 20, her face was both beautiful and cute, long luscious black hair, and her body….. perfect down to the smallest detail. Not a flat spot on her, her curvy legs perfectly blended into a perfect booty, torso, back shoulders, all the way up and down she was flawless. Her perfection was plain to see because by some miracle she was lying naked on top of the 1-meter high stage, only 2 meters from where I was sitting. In one hand was a bottle of something and with the other hand she sweetly beckoned to the audience to come forward. It seems as though no one was going to, which seemed crazy to me, so I did. It turns out that the bottle is skin lotion and she puts some in my hand. Then she lies back and I get it!!! I can put the lotion on her body. I can TOUCH her body. The most perfect body I’ve ever seen and my slippery hands are running up and down it, over her booty, gently rubbing her breasts everywhere and anywhere I want to touch her. So simple, and yet this was a FABULOUS act. This beats any movie. After a few wonderful minutes, I retreat back my girlfriend in the audience, and some of the others are now confident enough to take their turn.

The next act was a shocker. An average looking women, came to the stage carrying a bunch of smallish bananas and was quickly nude. She makes a big show of taking the first banana into her mouth, then putting it in and out of apparently not so private area. Interesting? Yes, actually. But I wonder if the goddess will come out again? The banana women loads a banana into her, angles her pelvis straight up, and zoom, out comes the banana, half a meter straight up, and she catches it in her hands, and back in it goes. Next time she gets about a meter. Is the banana getting slipperier? I am aware that I’m actually wondering if the banana that I’m watching come shooting out of a pussy in front of me is shooting farther because it’s getting slipperier. I’m definitely not in Kansas anymore. To our left was a group of 5 guys in their 20s with short attention spans. They weren’t subtle about the fact that the performer had lost their attention. She aims her pelvis at the group and lets one fly, about double her previous best distance, the banana goes at least 3 meters and hits one of them in the face. It had meant to be only a shot across the bow, a warning shot, but she had actually hit one of them and actually in the face. Everyone but that guy was dying with laughter. Immediate and urgent sounding apologies came from the staff and performer. Paper towels were rushed to him. He was a good sport about it. The show went on… and suddenly took a turn for the darker….

Three beautiful women, early 20s take the stage. They are scantily dressed in black dominatrix gear, and they have rubber hoses which they are using to hit the pole and the stage. Each strike makes a loud crack, but I’m wondering if the hoses aren’t more bark than bite. They dance, they crack their hoses, they get somewhat naked, it’s a high quality strip show? Except that now the audience is being beckoned. Who is dumb enough to get onto the stage and… what? Be publically beaten by 3 very pretty mostly naked women? Me, and I wasn’t even drunk. I get onto the stage and they tie my hands behind my back to the stripper pole. Actually, I make a show of how my hands won’t go behind my back to the point where my wrist overlap. There is some slack in the bathrobe belt that is binding me to the pole. I have put on a little show myself and I can get out anytime I want. Now the hoses start to crack around me, and eventually on me, and it doesn’t hurt at all. The Thai people are naturally sweet, I expected nothing less. But now they want to play an even better game with me. 6 hands are roaming over my body. I can see the girls making quick looks back to my girlfriend in the crowd, is she getting mad? No, my girlfriend is totally cool, smiling ear-to-ear, and the 3 girls go even farther. The button of my shorts is now undone. That was cheeky of them. Now the zipper is zipped all the way down and I have to spread my legs to keep my shorts from falling to the floor. Is my Johnson going to be part of the show? Will the cops suddenly show up and arrest me for performing a live sex act? Who is this person wondering if he might perform a live sex act on stage? Will the cops cut me any slack on account of my hands being tied behind my back? Is this performance already on the internet? Truth be told, if I could have known that I wasn’t being set up to be arrested, and that this show wasn’t being secretly recorded, I’d have let the shorts drop and let the show go on! I was having a great time. But I had to draw the line, so I kept my legs spread so that my short only dropped several inches. But they really seemed to want those shorts to go all the way down. They took turns reaching down into my shorts and finding the part of me that was really eager to come out and play. Several beautiful women were touching my Johnson and all this was happening while my girlfriend and the rest of the audience looked on. This is a GREAT show! While the one girl in front of me was teasing my face with her bare breasts, and another from the side was fondling my equipment, I pulled my hands free and with one hand keeping my shorts up, pulled the girl in front of me closure, her boob going into my mouth. That felt great, but had I gone too far? Apparently not. And now that my hands were free, how far was I going to go? Long story short, I touched all three girls everywhere I was eager to touch them, but without putting any of my parts into any of theirs. Eventually, it was I who had to back down, politely waiing my way off stage, and back to being only one of the audience.

Does anyone have an opinion… was this a particularly good show? How far would they have gone? I know for sure they’d have had me naked, but how much farther? Also, I’ve been reading only vague and negative comments about ping-pong shows. Having been only to that one show, what makes the others less than hysterically fun? Has anyone had a good time lately at a ping-pong show in Bangkok? What other sorts of things are there to be seen at these shows?



Stickman's thoughts:

I have to admit mild surprise that the ping pong shows are still going after all of these years. I went in the early days and once I got over the surprise of actually seeing girls do that nonsense, I saw it as a cheesy and well, just horrible.

But yeah, it's one of those things that many visitors (want to) see once. What should also be pointed out is that these shows are hardly the domain of the naughty boys, quite the contrary in fact!