Readers' Submissions

A Confused Dane




I guess I'm a bit of an outcast here, having never been to Thailand and not knowing anything about Thai culture, nor Thai people, makes me somewhat odd in this company.


But Thai culture travels, as do Thai women…


…and as a result, here in Copenhagen, Denmark, I've developed an unexpected taste for Thai women, and it has led me into a relationship and situation that leaves me nonplussed. I've read articles by the hundreds to get a few clues, but am still as confused as I ever was.


It all started off at a massage parlour. We have them all over, most offering sex as well as massage. But not all. I wasn't particularly interested in sex in the beginning; didn't even think the women were attractive. But the massage was good, almost always anyway. And the mood at the parlours beat the boring seriousness of good old Scandinavian massage places; chattering, laughing, cooking, eating and drinking. I had lots of fun.


Over time I found out that not all of the women were unattractive, and eventually I gave in to the sex on offer. It was great sometimes, not so great others. As sex tends to be, especially when you buy it. However, the mood also in these sex-offering parlours, always was much more easy going than at the regular Danish sex clinics I'd visited from time to time. Not cheaper mind you, but definitely more fun.

One day all this carefree massage-sometimes-sex-easy-going life of mine shifted gear. I entered a new parlour and met this little Thai thing of a grown up woman, that had lived here for 17 years. As I got to know her, I learned that she worked as a bar girl in Bangkok back in the day, met a Dane and moved here. She worked at an industry here for many years, saved her money, divorced her Dane, got another one, continued her work…until six months previous to our first meeting. By means I shall not reveal here, she lost all her savings and found herself in a relationship with a man she didn't love and deep in economic debt.

So she moved to the city and started to work hard. With massage. And with sex.


When I met her she was slowly getting back on her feet financially, and had started paying back her ridiculous debts. I really liked this powerful little 44-year old lady, and the sex we had – for which I paid – was fabulous. And as a bonus, she was really a gorgeous looker. This was 10 months back and I didn't foresee anything odd.


But soon enough, she demanded my private number – which I gave to her. She started to call me, telling me she missed me, longed for me and other things I didn't believe. One day when I was on my way to the parlour she saw me on the street and wanted us to go somewhere else. To a friend's place. We went there, had sex, and when I wanted to pay she refused. WTF? No, I wanted to meet you somewhere else, she told me. Not work, just pleasure. I was flattered of course, but didn't think anything more of it.


This rapidly developed into constant texting and chatting over the phone, me sleeping over at the parlour when the mamasan wasn't there, us going to hotels and other places, etc. And never a penny exchanged. It's more than ten months now. We still see each other at least once a week, the sex is still fabulous, and I still do not pay her anything for the company. She tells me she loves me (I'm 13 years her superior), and I tell her I like her a lot.


And that's that. Today it's not true though, that I like her a lot. I've finally actually fallen in love, although I wasn't very quick about it. She still works at a parlour, and she still offers sex for money – and I am totally confused. When I – not often but it happens – feel the jealous devil nabbing at my heart, she tells me it is only work. She only cares about me, she only loves me. And she's ridiculously jealous on me, calls me a butterfly – which I am not.


And I believe her. And I don't. I never thought this would happen to me, and it sure as hell wouldn't have if I had paid her. But I haven't paid her anything for nine months now and she still fxxxs my brains out. That simple fact has ruined my defence completely. The lack of money involved.


So here I am, in love with a Thai woman who sells sex, and who wants me to come to Thailand with her on holiday. And I am scared as hell. I could break it all off right now, out of sheer fear for being deceived. And somehow I just know that I am being just that. Deceived. At least referring to my Danish concept of it. The one that tells me I'm only one of several possibilities for this woman if she's heading for a relationship. The one that tells me that a woman of her experience, trade and culture, can tell anyone that she loves him if needed. Without necessarily lying, nor telling the truth. The one that tells me a Thai woman of her age needs a man before it's too late – any man – if she's not to end her life in poverty and loneliness. The one that tells me that she's actually on a very advanced and patient mission to get me off guard – so she can grab whatever value she thinks there is to grab. The one that tells me all sorts of things that I actually do not know anything of.


What am I not seeing here? You people with all your experience and insights of Thai culture and Thai women, especially the ones from the trade: what am I missing here? Am I being overly suspicious, or soundly on guard?


I might add that the fear of being deceived is totally connected to the life I live and the community I belong to. Having a relationship with a Thai woman is NOT game. Far from it. My prejudiced society deems it as being a bought relationship, based on a desperate need for money on one behalf, and a desperate need for love on the other. With no exceptions. I could live with that, though, but not with being deceived.



Stickman's thoughts:

As a cynic and a conservative, I think the prudent thing to do is to err on the side of caution and not look at this lady as anything more than a bit of fun. But for sure, when things move on from paying customer to something different, it all gets very complicated.

This woman is in a difficult situation – she has debts that she needs to pay off and the work she does provides enough income for her to be able to pay those debts off. At the same time she is of an age when she wants to find a man to settle down. The work she does is not conducive to finding a man and settling down so any many who wanted to take her on would insist that she left the industry….but he would then need to take on her debt. Without wanting to sound cruel, this woman has problems…and I am a big proponent of not getting involved with a woman who has problems.