In Praise Of The Bargirl Experience
It is a feature of human behavior that we are so much more eloquent when complaining than in congratulating. We are better at bitching than in rejoicing. There are so many pieces written about social disasters involving farang men and Thai bargirls but few about men who have found nothing but joy and happiness with these ladies of the night.
I have lived in Thailand for about 6 years and in that time have had at least 400 encounters with Thai ladies. I have had an occasional disappointing evening but never had one that was a complete disaster, have never been robbed, exploited or misused. I have had occasional requests for extra money and these have been dealt with mostly by polite refusal or the giving of much smaller sums than that requested. I like that they call us customers, not boyfriends or partners or Johns but customers—it is a very honest description.
My father told me two things that I have always remembered. The first — the most honest straightforward relationship between a man and a woman is between a man and a whore. Both of them know exactly why they are there and why they are doing it. The second was – to succeed with women, treat a princess like a whore and a whore like a princess.
I have incorporated these two thoughts into all my relationships with bargirls, especially treating them with courtesy and respect. I have a few rules — I tell them my real first name but never tell them where I work or take them home. I use short time rooms or a friend’s apartment. I always pay slightly above the going rate, never handing them money but quietly putting it into their purse.
I dress well, talk to them gently and kindly, never use loud or vulgar language, open doors for them and thank them for their work. When I approach one of my old favorites in a bar. I buy her a drink, chat for a few moments and then immediately ask them to spend the evening with me. I am horrified by men who talk to the girls for hours and walk away. These girls are professionals providing a service and they are not a spectator sport. I never drink more than two drinks and make my contacts early in the evening. Most unpleasantness in any city occurs after 11 PM and I am always home by then.
My favorite pick-up places in Bangkok are the Biergarten, Gulliver's and occasionally Thermae. They always have a good selection of girls, most of whom are fun and friendly. Using the same venue can cause interesting events. I went into Gulliver's one night and spotted an old friend. I walked towards the table and saw that she was with 3 friends and I had been a customer of all four at different times. They chatted in Thai and obviously worked that out for themselves. I sat down, bought drinks and then the fun started as they all knew that I was on the hunt and they decided that one of them would be the catch of the day. After much fun and laughter, mostly at my expense, they got dice from the bar and rolled dice for the 'booking'.
Another resourse that can be valuable are the mamasans and in Pattaya I have made friends with several of them. I buy them a drink and then ask them to make suggestions which is a win / win / win situation for me, mamasan, bargirl and makes me a favored customer.
I never go with gogos girls in Bangkok, much too expensive but in Pattaya things are more reasonably priced and the mamasans are more proactive.
Have I ever had any unpleasantness? Yes, mostly from girls who want our relationship to develop into something more permanent. I have never fallen for this. I am attracted mostly to women in their 30s and I understand their need for a fuller relationship but it is not for me. I did have one lady scream at me on Sukhumvit saying, "You don't like me, you only like my pussy." That slowed the traffic.
One sweet story. I twisted my ankle badly. It was not broken but was VERY painful and I was told I must rest it for several days. I was due to meet a friend that evening and called to cancel. She was very concerned and wanted to bring me dinner. I broke my rule about never taking them home and told her my address and asked the front desk to bring her to my apartment when she arrived. She came with dinner, fed me, gave me a bed bath, cleaned my kitchen and bathroom. She did this for the next 3 nights and it was with the greatest reluctance that she took any payment.
I love to see old friends and many times girls who are with other customers will wave or come and say hello to me—that’s nice.
So in summary, treat them with a little respect and courtesy and you will be repaid with wonderful experiences.