Readers' Submissions

How Does One Help A Whore-Sel In Distress?

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 27th, 2012
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok



Mr. Caveman,

Clearly, your proposed scenario is the only possible one – make Lucy go to the PI Embassy and pray to the Virgin Mary, as the good Catholic she is no doubt, that she will come upon a JC figure, not the usual haughty privileged entitled asshole of a government employee, being where s/he is but for the grace of the people s/he is supposed to serve at their taxpayer's more then generous compensation. Then, let's call him therefore "Je'sus" (Spanish pronunciation with a Spanish guttural 'H' for the J :) ), will arrange for her repatriation. Locked up passport is not a problem, embassies are equipped to make one-time disposable travel documents that allow you to get your ass back home, but nothing else. But here's the thing. Will the PI Government pay for the ticket? I highly doubt it. So, really, she would need to seek the help of the Holy Roman Catholic Church they so blindly rely on. Find a Singapore pastor and ask him to employ the filthy rich worldwide mafioid network of the Papists, to garner the funds to pay for her ticket home and some spending money so she can make it all the way back to her shit village and not be in need of an immediate fructose IV.

I'd say this path is a no go. Without being overly harsh, by signing up with an agent for the typical pay-off-your-fare-first sexofinancial slavery scheme, she put herself into a bad situation that has effectively no legal recourse, unless her family pays for her ticket back and can be contacted by the PI authorities (fat chance of that). On top of that, you have to consider the enormous hurdle of face loss to overcome to go to your embassy, and expose in a fairly public environment that you are, in fact, a prostitute. That alone is a big showstopper. I mean really, put yourself in her shoes for a moment, if you can possibly do that. I mean it's not like you can waltz in there and say hey can I have a closed door appointment with a consular official. No way, Jose, you be screaming through the microphone in the waiting hall to get through to the moron on the other side of the bulletproof inches of glass.

So, ok, maybe she is somewhat justified in having contacted you to look at a kind outsider for help. Sure, again, you can have a moral lecture on her responsibility in having gotten her ass there in the first place, but it is a little late for that. But how can you really help? Send money, no (with a captial N). These people are not to be trusted with handout cash, and that's already assuming the story she told you is not some cockamamie tearjerker with no resemblance to reality (maybe she's just the typical maid) to con some money out of you. So you would have to send her a (nonrefundable, of course, if you catchee my driftee) ticket, but of course not to her, as she does not have a valid postal address, so you would have to mail it c/o PI Embassy or some Catho pastor you might happen to know down there. Chances are you will still have to send a small amount of money to cover the fees of the one-time travel document and the other inevitable incidentals (food and housing to survive the few days in hiding until this mini-bureaucratic mess is settled). I have two words for that: Western and Union. Problem is, of course, that she don't have no passport to begin with, so how will she ID herself as the legit recipient of your WU charity. You see where I am going with this. Yes, if you really want to help her (and make sure that things don't go tits up, given her utter lack of maturity and judgment that would otherwise translate into some basic reason and management skills, DESPITE wonderful knowledge of English that includes such rare price insults as 'pathetic.' :), you go to Singapore. Bear in mind also that you can not just bring her over to Thailand, anyway. She has no passport at all, but even if she did, I doubt Thai immi regs allow visa-on-arrival for flips. You will therefore have to either find her an employer willing to sponsor her, or marry her.

SOOOOOOO, ….

Bottom line. Devil's Advocate advice, and it's mostly likely still possible to fix it, despite your ineffective (to put it politely) judgmental approach damage done, ….. drumroll drumroll …. plan a sex tourist trip to SGP !! Yeah baby, that's it. Even at the slight risk that she is not a whore and just trying to scam you, you could turn things around in your favor, and on your terms. Chance of getting it on with her are very good, but even if your rigid ex-mili boyscout black-and-white view of the world will mess things up for you (again), at least you've had a nice little and relatively inexpensive trip out, that you can even build on by venturing into nearby Indonesia. Possibilities are limitless. But let's assume the best first, then either she's a whore or a scammer, or maybe both. The last case would be a bit challenging, but maybe still worth the ristk. The first two you can manage if you dust off the 007 elements you must have developed at some point in your glorious and highly decorated honorably discharged military career. So even if you don't get laid, you will be able to oversee (but not bankroll) her rescue back to the PI. Most likely though, naturals will be willingly paid for the rescue, but that doesn't make you a predator. Remember, you had something together before. This is a legit gray area so perceived also by her. Women are very flexible in that regard. You really might be able to rescue her and in the process be the man that she needs to inspire her to take the action in her life to become a good strong evolved woman. That is a priceless gift to give her, and who knows, she might fall in love with you for that and take the courage to become the life partner you secretly desire.

So, assuming you don't mind spending money on yourself for a clearly well-deserved vacation (proudly looking back on a life well spent in dedicated service to the people of the United States, no less), your only decision is, are you willing to pay the extra expense of her one-way ticket to "freedom." Now, given Air Asia, that should not be such an unthinkable sum, Singapore-KL-Clark Field. I think that is the bottom line, as again, I doubt the embassy will fork that over, nor will any relative in the PI come to her financial rescue. She put herself in a shit predicament, and there's no way out but through Random Acts of Kindness.

For a long-term partnership, it's a risk. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but you can string out the expense and reassess at virtually any point if she's got what it takes to be your woman. Dole out a generous helping of tough love in return for some sweet physical love in return – sounds like win win to me, even if you are not into S&M. :)

My TGIF-drunk two cents.



Stickman's thoughts:

It's a no win situation, I reckon. Call me harsh, but I would leave her to get out of the mess herself.