Could My Bargirl Be Pregnant?
I was on holiday in Pattaya from mid-July to mid-September. Two weeks into my trip I met this bargirl who I spent the rest of the holiday with, so about 7 weeks in total.
1 week into seeing her, she had her period. Thought it was a bit odd that she wasn't on the pill <I would say very few Thai working girls – perhaps as few as a single digit percentage, are on the pill – Stick> but oh well, we'd always been using condoms up until that point (despite her trying to go without one from the very first night). Anyway, for the three days she was on her period, I didn't barfine her and went with other girls instead. After she'd finished (which was on August 6th), I barfined her again and kept her with me for the rest of the holiday, every night.
Anyway, on the 10th August, my resolve finally snapped, and I ended up doing her without a condom. Nervous visit to a clinic followed but thankfully she didn't have HIV. Once that had been confirmed we never used condoms again for the rest of the trip, and I left on September 14th to go back to my home country. She hadn't had another period since her one which finished on August 6th (started on 3rd), which assuming a 28-day cycle should have appeared on about September 3rd. I thought this was a bit odd, but then again not every girl is that regular so I didn't worry too much.
She contacted me last week to say she's pregnant, and is 100% sure I'm the dad. I said it's possible the father could be someone else who she went short-time with while I wasn't around (you know, those few times where she'd 'go room' for 30 minutes, claiming it was only to pick up new clothes from her apartment to move into mine, as we were essentially living together for these 6-7 weeks. I generally assume all bargirls are bullshitting unless I have undeniable evidence to the contrary). She claimed she never went short-time with anyone else at all while she was with me, and if I didn't believe her, we could go for a paternity test when the baby is born.
I've made it quite clear that I will not be providing any financial support unless she has the child and it is confirmed by DNA to be mine. In other words, I'm not going to pay any 'hospital fees' or anything else while she's 'pregnant'. I told her this was a classic bargirl scam and I wouldn't be falling for it. You know, get the so-called father to pay for 'medical bills' when the girl isn't even actually pregnant at all. I did reassure her however that if the baby was proved to be mine I would help her out with money but she'd get nothing from me until DNA evidence was provided at a hospital of my choosing (as I'm aware that in some of the worse hospitals it might be easy to bribe someone to get the 'correct' results). I'd hoped that at this point she'd come clean and admit she wasn't pregnant at all, but she seemed fine with my stance and said if I wanted to do a test after the baby was born, that would be fine.
A couple of days ago, she claimed to have stopped working in the bar, and to have gone back to Isaan. She stated her intention was to stay there until giving birth, and that her family would be able to look after her until then. In fairness the last couple of times I've rung her up (without warning) she's answered straight away and the background noise at her end has been silent- whereas in Pattaya at the times I was ringing you'd expect it to be loud and busy. I've been deliberately ringing at peak bar times to see if she'd answer straight away, or have to delay answering until she moved to a quieter place – and if not it'd be pretty obvious she was bullshitting me about going back to Isaan. Obviously proves nothing by itself though, could just be coincidence.
She tells me every day that she loves me (almost certainly rubbish, I know), wants to marry etc To be honest I like her too – a lot – but I'm wary as this pregnancy scam is pretty commonplace in Pattaya from stories you read on the internet. She's 19, I'm 21. Her English is pretty good and she told me she'd been working in the bar for 18 months, so I guess that makes sense. I've never actually caught her lying to me, but of course that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. She knows I have a decent job for my age (earn £30k/year), but I'm not nearly as rich as many of her other 'clients' – and I've pointed this out to her when explaining to her what level of help I'd be able to provide her with if the baby did turn out to be mine. She says she knows this but loves me and wants to keep the baby anyway.
Any thoughts? Could she actually be pregnant, or is this almost certainly one big wind-up attempt to try and get money? Of course, if it did turn out to be mine, I'd stand by her, and she's a great girl in many ways- but I know exactly what they're mostly like when it comes to lying
Normally when I am emailed by a guy asking advice about a bargirl being pregnant I can see the holes in the story just a few paragraphs into the emails and it's obvious that it's a scam. I'd say that of all of the stories I have ever received from readers concerned about a bargirl being pregnant – and we're talking hundreds of emails on this topic going back to the late '90s, from memory THIS IS THE MOST LIKELY CASE WHERE SHE IS REALLY PREGNANT!
Let's have a look at the facts as you present them. You had unprotected sex with her for 5 weeks, and given that you're 21 years of age I imagine you had sex with her, on average, more than once per day. This almost certainly means that you had sex with her at least several times over those few days in a month when a woman can fall pregnant. You're both young and based on age along, are both likely in reasonable health reproductive system-wise and near the peak of your powers fertility wise. There is EVERY chance that she is pregnant!
My advice to you is to man up. The first thing you need to do is to check that she is in fact pregnant. Do the decent thing and send her enough money to go the best hospital in the local provincial capital and go for a pregnancy test. Have her send you the results by some method that would allow you to verify the results i.e. a report in English on hospital letterhead sent from a verifiable fax number at the hospital.
If she is pregnant then the doctor will be able to estimate roughly when conception occurred. If it was during the time that you were with her then I think you have to FACE THE FACTS that this baby is more than likely yours. Obviously that could be verified by a DNA test after the child is born, but you would also have the issue of supporting her while she is pregnant. Legally you're not required to do so but my personal feeling is that if she is pregnant you are morally obliged to help out. There is even an argument that you should compensate her for lost income but I would disagree with that.
The bottom line is that you need to man up and find out what is going on. If she is not pregnant and this is a scam, then you can put this behind you and get on with your life. If she is pregnant, then I would suggest you need a serious attitude adjustment…