Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 345

  • Written by Dana
  • September 15th, 2012
  • 6 min read


Firehouse


Attn: Stickman fans and Dana fans . . .

Like a literary supernova I am about to explode into retirement as a Stickmanbangkok. com Reader's Submissions contributor. Or something. Anyway, Stickman social anthropologists and Dana literati aficionados have seen this coming. Like the background radiation of the universe you can feel the heat regarding this event in the bars, and on the streets of the metropolises of the Kingdom. Don't believe me? Mention this subject to any Thai bus driver. Don't be amazed at what they say. Anyway, people are talking. Unfortunately, social upheaval and future novelty can breed rumor.

Example: there is a rumor that to commemorate my retiring Stick is going to . . . ok, it is only a rumor so I should probably not mention it. Just forget I mentioned it. It is currently only a rumor. Anyway, following is:

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 345

Dana Quote Contest #14

". . . the sleeping jungle snores and the hidden moon ain't talkin'." . "

and the bonus quote:

"An old farang went riding out one dark and windy night: Unprepared for future, unprepared for fright. When all at once a mighty herd of red-eyed whores he saw: Flip-flopping through the ragged skies, and up a cloudy draw."

INTRODUCTION

Attention men of the world, Dana fans, Stickmanbangkok. com aficionados, and mongers on all the ships at sea:

I have seen into the future and it shows so-called new and better condom technology. Below is an excerpt from a gentleman of the year 2070 describing his experience with a condom.

" . . . I'd reach down to pull in the clutch enough to get the motor rolling over. I could hear the air sucking into the engine because the intakes were right below my chest and a little ahead. After a couple of seconds, the sucking noise would change to a slurp when the alcohol fuel started to atomize in the injector. I was holding my thumb on the kill button until I heard the fuel . . . "

Question: Is this the kind of condom experience we want. I vote NO. I have no objection to hearing a slurping sound or a sucking noise during sex but I don't want it associated with a condom. Hey, maybe that is just me. For more on future potential condom technology you can consult the book Michigan Madman by E. J. Potter. Potter was a rural garage technical genius but I am heartily glad he will not be around in the year 2070 to work on advanced condoms. Just me.

And now more from the Bits and Pieces Department:

" . . . we drove on through shade and patches of sunlight." — Hemingway (Green Hills of Africa):

So, what is great writing? Sometimes it's not what we think it is. We get too involved in writerly tricks. Great writing may include many clever stratagems, but ultimately great writing is just effective communicating. I love the above quote by Hemingway. Dead simple. Evocative. Memorable. The non-writer, non-reader might say:

'What's the big deal? I could have said that.'

But you didn't say it. A writer did. Sometimes great writing is just writing it down. So don't be so concerned about your writing ability. Just tell your story and send it in to this website. Maybe you'll be a farang Hemingway.

and on another subject:

"Any 'entanglement of predictions' that takes place can obviously only go back to the fact that the two bodies at some earlier time formed in a true sense one system, that is, were interacting and have left behind traces on each other." — Erwin Schrodinger

Well, obviously. Ok, I'm no physicist like this rockin' cat Schrodinger but I think this has to do with standard farang-Thai female interactions. At any rate, we would all benefit from having physicists on the Pattaya boardwalk to reduce our clumsy efforts to pure science. But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is:

CONVERSATION ON THE BOARDWALK

Pattaya Boardwalk Honey (PBH): Dana, what you thinkin'?

Me: Well, actually I was just thinking that gravity is not a force but a measure of deflection in space-time.

PBH: You think too mutt.

Me: Point taken and the reason we still refer to gravity as a force is because identifying it as a measure of deflection of space-time exceeds the brain abilities of most humans. 'Einstein may have been right but who can tell?' is on the little laminated card that many physicists carry around in their wallet.

PBH: 500 baht.

Me: Ok.

PBH: Aren't you going to ask what for?

Me: Nope, I'm a price shopper; we have a deal.

PBH: I'll get naked and then I'll deflect your space-time.

Me: Works for me.

and finally, in today's BITS AND PIECES column:

CONTEMPORARY PARALLELS

"Late on the third day, at the very moment when, at sunset , we were making our way through a herd of hippopotamuses, there flashed upon on my mind, unforeseen and unsought, the phrase, "Reverence for Life." — Out of My Life and Thought (1949): Albert Schweitzer

and now for the spooky parallel . . .

'Late on the third day, at the very moment when, at sunset, we were making our way through a herd of whores, there flashed upon my mind, unforeseen and unsought, the phrase, "Reverence for Hookers." — Boardwalk Follies (2010): Dana

Just a few words. I guess it shows how we are all tied together in some wonderful way. Or something.

and this just in . . . tied to a rock and thrown through the door here at Dana Central:

"The modified wave function is, furthermore, in general unpredictable before the impression gained at the interaction has entered our consciousness: it is the entering of an impression into our consciousness which alters the wave function because it modifies our appraisal of the probabilities for different impressions which we expect to receive in the future." — Wigner

Well, I think I speak for all mongers when I say 'Obviously'. What's next? Dogs bark? Bears shit in the woods? The Pope is a Catholic? Wouldn't you just love to see this rockin' physicist kat Wigner trying to talk to a South Pattaya boardwalk skank? The fun part would be to place bets on how fast he hears the words:

"Me No Like."

and now for the latest in my Boston personal life . . .

FA ON MY ASS

For a fee the Registry of Motor Vehicles in the State of Massachusetts in America will allow you to have a vanity license plate on your car. It cannot repeat an exiting plate, it cannot be so obtuse that the Registry is unsure of what it means, and it can not offend. So far I have submitted:

N. E. P.
NANA
SOI 13
FTF
DANA
MONGER
VIAGRA
SAFF

None of these vanity plate ideas were accepted by the Registry of Motor Vehicles and I even went to hearings (pleadings) on N. E. P. and DANA. They did accept, however; drum roll please:

FA

So I am now riding around in Boston with FA on my ass. If you see me, wave. If you see Fa in the passenger seat, do not wave. Fa is mine. Remember, SAFF: Stay Away From Fa.

Well, that is it for this week Dana fans; another column done and one column closer to retirement. Soon Fa and I will be braiding hair on Khao San Road and it will all be a memory. She'll be stealing money from the business and I will be letting her. Paradise.