Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 343

  • Written by Dana
  • September 1st, 2012
  • 7 min read


Today's thought:

LITERARY PHOTONS OF CUT CRYSTAL CLARITY PINPRICKING THE CURTAIN OF TIME (Tattoo on my chest).

and now:

Dana Quote Contest Number 12

"Do you know why you are looking right at me and you can not see me? It is because you do not recognize me. When I first started writing for Stickmanbangkok.com I was young and strong and hansum and sleek. But there have been some changes. My soul and my physique and my mind have been mortar and pestled by the inhuman load of having to submit submissions to Stickmanbangkok.com every week. Look again through the wavy purple imported English glass mullion panes in the bow front window. Do you see the monster with his flipper feet up on the bamboo coffee table? Do you see the scaled beak visage with the greenish hue? Can you see the fingers that have webbed and turned into claws? Can you see how the ermine collared red Chinese silki nightgown hangs from my narrow shoulders like a funeral shroud? Can you see the outline of a large oblate shell shape under the shroud?"

and the bonus quote:

"Early Tuesday morning the body of world famous Stickmanbangkok. com writer Dana was found on the pavement outside the AA Hotel at the corner of Soi 13 and Beach Road. Blunt trauma wounds indicated that he had jumped/fallen from the sixth floor where he had been renting a seaside suite. No suicide note was found, no one reported domestic problems although he was known by hotel staff and neighbors to be quite popular with the ladies, no girlfriends were present, and no family has responded.

Witnesses report that the body was very fashionably dressed and the gentleman extremely handsome. The only ID was a Church of Dana maritime park services schedule, a Club of Dana membership card, an Eight of Spades porno playing card showing anal sex, and a large forehead tattoo that said: DON'T OVERPAY (witnesses conjecture that he could see this every time he looked in the mirror). Additional investigation by the US Embassy Pattaya proconsul reported no condoms at the scene of the tragedy and only 500 baht in the gentleman's wallet creating more questions than answers."

and now . . . Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 343

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." — Alfred, Lord Tennyson: Ulysses

T-shirts with this quote that so perfectly states the Pattaya boardwalk tourist or expat monger mantra were formally only available to Dana Fan Club members. They are now available to everyone in five sizes and three colors. It is all about spreading the Dana love. You can buy them in person at Dana Enterprises on South Pattaya Road or mail order through this website.

Sincerely yours, Dana

P. S. Do not place any orders with Fa on the boardwalk. There have been incidents. Ok. look; don't even think about it. Getting Fa to pay attention to standard universally accepted business protocols is like trying to herd cats. It is because I love each and every one of you that I say: Stay Away From Fa.

INTRODUCTION

Do you ever think you are being asked to accept too much when you read something? Example: (Science News, March 13, 2010):

"Physicists cook cosmic soup to 4 trillion degrees." — 'The cosmic soup derived in experimental gold atom collisions lasted a trillionth of a trillionth of a second.'

Ok, Dana here: four trillion degrees (250,000 times hotter than the center of sun)? How exactly was this temperature measured? How? It does not matter what you tell me Mr. Physicist I am not going to believe that humans can measure the 4 trillion degree heat of something that happens in a trillionth of a trillionth of a second. Humans have limits and you have reached my limit with this story. I do not have the capacity to believe you.

That's why the smart expat or visitor to the Kingdom doesn't try to understand Thais, Thailand, Thai culture, Thai street signs, the wiring on telephone polls, public construction work schedules, police public statements after farang deaths, mamasan statements about anything, or a bargirl's brain. Humans have limits. Do what I do when I go to Thailand. Just be a leaf on the wind. Let your arms and your legs go floppy like a child's rag doll, and have a mind and a heart of Teflon where nothing sticks. You are human. You have limits. See you on the boardwalk.

and now . . .

ACRONYMS AND ABBREVIATIONS

Attention Stickmanbangkok.com fans and Dana fans, and ceiling fans (drinking with Ming at the Mickey Mouse Underpants Massage Emporium on South Street):

Anyway . . . Dana Enterprises is now doing business of a communicating and shipping kind in 126 countries (yes, including Vatican City). As business volume and diversity have gone up so has complexity. In answer to complexity and volume issues Dana Enterprises is now using acronyms and abbreviations, some of which are listed below. In communicating with Dana Enterprises you may use these acronyms and abbreviations. In fact we encourage you to do so. Thank-you for your attention and your cooperation.

You know what acronyms and abbreviations are. Examples:

DOA — Dead On Arrival (hospitals)

FTFTFTFT — Find Them, Feel Them, Fxxk Them, Forget Them (monger mantra)

LGTBTGU — Let's Get Them Before They Get Us (police)

GIG — Greed Is Good (business)

DIG — Dana Is God (philosophy of Danaism)

BIC — Because I Can (soi dog reason for licking his balls)

HCCJ — Here Comes Commander Jackass (Fa on seeing Dana approaching)

So, that was a little review. And now Dana Enterprises acronyms and abbreviations.

1. AAH — (A. A. Hotel)

2. ADATT — (website All Dana All The Time)

3. ATDSM — (All Thailand Dana statue map)

4. BFP — (Bulbs for planting program, see Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 286)

5. BSTS — (Bargirl speech translation service — what they really mean)

6. CASD — (Chili antidote serum dept.)

7. COD — (Church of Dana)

8. CODPTSV — (Church of Dana pink tranny smoke bomb videos)

9. DFC — (Dana Fan Club)

10. DTB — (Dana the Book)

11. DTM — (Dana the movie)

12. DCATS — (Dana catapults)

13. D — (Danaism, philosophy of)

14. DFCA — (Dana Fan Club applications)

15. DSMU — (Danaism special mission unit)

16. DBIS — (Dana bargirl investigation service)

17. DMUM — (Dana magazine unsolicited manuscripts, note: Dana Magazine to start 8/2013)

18. DCC — (Dana Costume Catalogue)

19. DEME — (Dana Enterprises Media Events)

20. DBCD — (Dana Book Club Dept., to be inaugurated 5/2014. None of our book recommendations will have anything to do with self-improvement, dignity, or sensitivity to others. Accepting recommendations now. Internet or self-published books will get first consideration. Danger: do not give anything regarding this to Fa on the boardwalk.)

21. DPAC — (Dana Personal Appearance Calendar, no . . . I do not make outcalls to private residences or hotels.)

22. DSAQTPFO — (Dana Sayings and Quotes Tattoo Parlor Franchise Opportunities)

23. DEPTR — (Dana Expat Party Train Reservations: see Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 131)

24. DECC — (Dana Enterprises Central Command)

25. DEERP — (Dana Enterprises Emergency Response Program, note: you can get billed for this)

26. 12IEMMA — (12 Inch Emma)

27. FI — (Fa Issues)

28. FRATDWOI — (Fund Raising And Tax Deductable Write-Off Issues)

29. FTF — (Fxxk The French)

30. GPSFT — (Global Positioning System For Trannies)

31. SPECIAL NOTE: from time to time you may receive this acronym from us — HOTDFC. This means that your inquiry or need is 'handled only through the Dana Fan Club'. Sorry.

32. IDEACU — (Internal Dana Enterprises Anti-Corruption Unit)

33. IMLDD — (Indigent Monger Legal Defence Department)

34. LAJD — (Limerick and Joke Department)

35. MOTH — (Mothership aka Nana Hotel)

36. OCMCF — (Other Country Monger Coalition Forces)

37. OI — (OI issues, see PG)

38. 500BWD — (500 Baht Walt Department)

39. PG — (Pattaya Gary)

40. PMGD — (Penis Marmalade Gift Department, see Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 25)

41. RFDPD — (Request For Dana Picture Dept., note: do not even think of requesting Fa pics)

42. SWPCD — (Skank Whore Prostitute Cruiser Dept., note: try and be specific with your needs)

43. TRANDAI — (Tranny Department And Issues)

44. TDB — (The Dana Bar)

These acronyms and abbreviations should help you communicate with us efficiently. There are two more layers of acronyms and abbreviations for members of the Dana Fan Club, and for those who have given themselves over to Danaism but these acronyms and abbreviations should be all you need for now. You may have noticed that there is no acronym or abbreviation for Stickman Issues. You will have to get in touch with him on your own. Good luck.

SY Dana

Livingstones Bangkok