Stickman Readers' Submissions September 12th, 2012

Thai Bargirl Help Needed!

I have recently started a bit of a relationship with a bar girl. I understand all the possibilities that could happen and previously lived and worked with an 'innocent' Thai girl for a year in Thailand. I'm English but working in Qatar and holiday a lot in Thailand.

This is the story and wondered if you could give me an opinion on whether you think it is genuine. I think it is, but, I also know these girls can be good at this! So…at first I was in Patong, barfining another girl in the bar for a few days. After 2 nights there she suggested that I drink and wait until after then we go to Thai karaoke where I wouldn't have to pay the fine. Here I got chatting with the girl I'm now dating (overseas) but didn't sleep with her on this holiday. (They both worked in the same bar and she had seen me when I barfined the other girl and let her go home to sleep coz alone she caught my cold the day before haha).

Once I was back in Qatar we were speaking and messaging and she was telling me that she was not going with any customers, just drinking with them but there weren't many anyway. This was in August, the rainy season, so numbers were low. Anyway, as I was there a few weeks before I noted this. Then she asked if on my next trip (2 months later) which I just got back from 2 days ago, if I wanted to go with her to see her family and village in the north of Thailand in Udon Thani. I said yes, of course, because I hate all the touristy crap in Phuket and as it was my first time there (Phuket) I wont be going back!

I arranged her a flight back to meet me in Bangkok and then go up with her. We were speaking and messaging daily and a couple of weeks later she said that she had an argument with her boss because she wasn't accepting barfines and that she wanted to go back to Udon now because she couldn't work there any more. She was in tears and a couple of days later borrowed bus fare money from her boss for her trip home.

I arrived in Udon about 3 weeks later and have just had a great 2 week holiday where I spent it with her and her family at their village and a few nights in a hotel room not far away. I met lots of friends and family and her son of course. She has told me she won't be going back to Patong because never liked the work anyway which I could tell from this girl's attitude while I was there indulging with her friend. She keeps telling me that she only wants one man. I'm quite sensitive and skeptical on the situation and tend to bring it up regularly.

Now I have come back she is staying in her village near Udon and I am happy to help her by sending 5,000 baht a month. She lives with her father as her mother died. We went to see her at the local wat and the monk did a ceremony. Her dad works all the time and between my help and his she can support the three of them. When I initially said I couldn't support her, she said that was ok but she would probably have to go back to Patong to work. This upset her when she realised this was probably the option and she kept saying she didn't want me to get angry if she went back. I get the feeling she genuinely likes me, but also….who knows. She said she only worked in the bar for 7 months and has since also fallen out with her friend who I was barfining in Patong because she also liked me.

Being a bit paranoid my only concern is perhaps there is a Thai boyfriend around somewhere or she has another farang helping out unawares. However, she lives in a very poor small single room house with her father and son. (He is clearly her father) and her grandma lives in a larger single room house with her uncles and cousins etc. She has also told me how another friend of hers in the village has two men sending her money. She says it's good for her friend but no good for her as she doesn't like that and only wants one man.

I am thinking about spending a year teaching in Thailand soon. I'm only 26 and she is 24 (have seen her ID card) and after a year in Udon I hope to move on to Oz with her and continue as an engineer. I currently work in Qatar and have done for a few years as an engineer and will save enough money not to have to work for the year there but I want the teaching experience to keep busy and slow the spending rate. I have lower intermediate Thai language skills from spending a year with a Thai girl who didn't speak English very well so could understand a fair bit of what was being said while I stayed with the family and all was very fun and enjoyable.

Stickman's thoughts:

I guess I must be a moron because I thought an expat engineer in Qatar would earn decent coin, but what would I know? 5,000 baht is cutting it real fine and is at the absolute bottom end of what a girl with a child to support can live on…and even then it would be tough!

He Clinic Bangkok

I don't know, but based on what you have said I have a few reservations. 7 months in the bar is a reasonable length of time. If she really didn't like it, one thinks she would have left before 7 months…

You don't appear to have a long-term plan with her, so why should she remain faithful to you. Because you send her 5,000 baht a month? That won't cut it! She obviously needs to plan for her own future and a guy sending 5,000 baht a month and who plans to go to another country he is not resident in is not going to help inspire confidence in her that you and her have a future together.

nana plaza