It’s An Adjustment
For years I've noticed the incongruence of myself and fellow Farangs in anticipating a relationship with these beautiful simple girls. Thankfully I feel quite free of unrealistic expectations. Somebody said, why do men think they can own that thing?
Is it always about money? No, you have to have enough, but you can keep her around when others have fatter wallets as I have proven to myself (my real judge) time and time again. I found this harder to do back home where wealth is even more critical. Here it is the best test to determine how much she likes you and it is easy, just cut back and ask her to hang with you then see how it plays out. Then when problems occur here there is no therapist siding with the woman and charging you like many suffer in Farangland. And I know more than a few who have endured that stuff. I expect a feminist response to this :). Like police work everywhere, follow the money.
Asian women traditionally expect the man to take care of pretty much everything. That's just how it is, especially with traditional good girls it seems. Who imagines an upper class Thai woman loving a foreigner of great age disparity for any other reason than economic gain? Don't upper class Thais look down on us anyway? A friend of mine tested this out Stateside via the Internet. He met one (hi-so, good family, attending the same university Thaksin has a degree from in Kentucky. He flew her to Dallas on his credit card miles and picked her up at the airport. First she wanted to go Neiman Marcus (famous Dallas clothing department store). He said ok and off they went. In amazement he watched her pick out $3000 worth of clothing and then she asked for his credit card. He declined to give it to her and drove her back to the airport while calling the card company to schedule her a flight home, and he set it up so she could sit eight hours at the airport. Her guile showed him that while hookers are obviously money motivated, good girls can be worse. Internet good English speakers seem the most deceitful of all to me anyway.
But, I am jaded as I prefer prostitutes since, for me, they are more honest and the good ones are not so needy as the mediocre gogo girls. There is something much more honest about the transaction and I have some that have endured for years and years within no price escalation, drama, or not to forget divorce agony. By the way, I have had Pattaya police side me with me in the two occasions they were brought into a dispute. They know who butters their bread in this town and they know what 20-year old Thai girls are up to.
Look, if you are 66 and divorced for 36 years, you have no visions of sugar plums and understand the tedium of two people forcing cohabitation on one another when they really have separate agendas and lives.
I see pieces about the tragedy of marrying prostitutes, sure. Especially ANY lady 40 years younger – a whole set of problems can occur. Yes, and yes again to the writer who urged new foreigners to read stick and other formats along with Private Dancer and, may I also suggest "Confessions of A Bangkok Private Eye".
If a guy really wants to be married to a Thai, maybe he better stay in Thailand and live up country. The thought terrifies me from the aspect of tremendous boredom and defending the wallet from Isaan folk. Pattaya has so many user friendly aspects, it is quite comfortable for this old boy and many others.
Aren't we all responsible for our own happiness? Who is there to blame but ourselves for misery in relationships? Back home one has to make do with whoever is willing to be with an older guy. Here one has more choices than he has energy or time for in any event.
Expectations of Victorian love are the burden westerners labor under when making a go of it here in fantasy land. Knowledge seems to be the key to me on how to adjust to this different reality. Complaining and crying about deceit aren't going to do us any good, no body cares.
These girls can be good friends I find and after all these years here I find western romance movies silly and something for the young, or maybe people wanting to build a family back home, or anywhere.
These folks didn't even kiss until they were told about it from western movies and few enjoy it even now some 40 years after it was introduced here.
Guys, she doesn't want to go to beauty school (maybe some do) or English lessons (maybe some, again), or some degree from a Bangkok university. She wants money and security. If she is a smart girl, she comes to Pattaya at 18 and retires before 30. The sooner she weans her family off, the more she can save. Many know better than to support a Thai guy in Pattaya and how to save something for herself. If you want to teach her something, teach her how to keep the amounts of her savings to herself as her friends and family see her money as a target. Teach her to not fall for expensive toys and to save for herself, the only person who will not abandon her in this life.
We learn many things from these simple people and simple girls. I hope they sometimes benefit from us as well.
The tourist Farang has a completely different life than the resident Farangs here. The girls know they are being lied to by husbands out seeking some thrills away from their hundred kilo wives back in whatever home country the tourist comes from and they get what they can out of the deal. It is a business. Adjust.
And if some high moraled writers chose to judge my opinion, go ahead. I come by my conclusions honestly, and I hope others do as well. Sometimes Internet warriors write me with threats then never show up for the promised physical battle for moral superiority. On the other hand, let me encourage others to write in (hopefully with better writing skills than my lazy efforts) as at this site I have developed some great friendships and met some fabulous people.
Back to my nap.
Great words about teaching these girls to put money aside for a rainy day…but how to make them actually take such advice on board and act on it, I do not know.
You know, it always seems to be the mothers who have their hands out for money. I wonder why that is?