Visitor from Thailand
I have a story to tell, not about me in Thailand but how Thailand came to me. Let me start off by saying I’m married with no kids. I have a high education level and great income. The stick is that my marriage for six years has been more about business
than relationship. Let me explain.
I was always able to find a girlfriend easily. I was Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky with a great job, no kids and financially on the right path. I was an investment banker so why not. I ended up married during my 13 years with the firm but all the while planning for my next career move. Well, the time became right for me to begin the next career move and put my education to the test. My savings were plenty and other income from commercial ventures was good as well. I felt comfortable to give the firm my notice of leave. In fact I felt perhaps good enough to retire at 45. Not completely. I would be bored but I could tinker with other hobbies.
This is how Thailand came to me. My wife’s sister was in a Tom Dee relationship. The sister in-law is the Tom. The girl that came to visit the family and stay with us was the Dee. My understanding is that they were broken up. I had no idea who she was, looked like, or how old. I only knew that a guest would be staying for up to six months. I thought to myself, there goes my early retirement time off. I thought I would end up being a baby sitter since all family members left to work each day.
At the airport, it turns out it was a young girl. About age 25 or so. I did not think much of her. I had been with some of the best looking girls in the past. She was “okay”. Her English was not the greatest but I was patient. I love challenges and trying to put her words together to me was a puzzle and provided me with fun and laughter.
One morning she came out of her bedroom crying. She said she felt like a prisoner in the home and no one would take her anywhere. My heart sank because my side of the family loved to travel and when we had company stay, we would take leave from work to show the guest around town. They did none of this. I knew what she meant about feeling like a prisoner because I get the same feeling myself. Luckily for me, I can drive around or get on my Harley and zoom out. She had no license or vehicle. She was the guest.
I started to take her out on short trips and sightseeing so that she could take pictures. As we talked each day, I realized as well as she that we seem to have lots in common. I’m youngest in my family and so is she. I quit my job but she did as well. She was a banker and I was in investments. She studied business as did I but I second in programming. She drank beer and loved to go out just as I did. My wife was no drinker. In fact, my wife and I have little in common. The guest and I got along great when we were together. I was getting happy to see her each morning come out of her room and sometimes was eager to start the next day to spend with her. It was like being with a best friend.
More and more I would hold her hand in public as we went out and more and more the time we got back was later and later. One day, she wrote a note that said, “I miss you” on a napkin. I still keep it. I thought how sweet. I kissed her for the first time and I knew it would not be the last. We both enjoyed it. And of course we began making love everywhere in the house as well as my other home as well. I couldn’t believe how wet she got from kissing me. I could see how much she stained herself. It got me more excited and I would get soaking wet from kissing her as well. I thought to myself, am I in love? Is she? One day I said it. She did not return it back but I had a strong feeling she wanted to. The next day she said she loved me. She began to tell me she loved me more often. One day after my wife left to go to work I was lying still in bed but the door was left open. She came out of her bedroom and crawled into bed with me. I was shocked at first that she would even think of being in the same bed after my wife just left but I again thought, she must really love me and miss me. We just laid there and nothing else. It felt really nice for me. For a month now I was taking her out around and each day a new adventure showing her around town and driving even farther. Now I know what you’re thinking, how? I’m married.
I got a lot of grief from my wife for taking her out each day. I ended up staying at my other home a few nights and on the couch downstairs as well. But I didn't care. Seeing her happy and smile put such a glow inside my heart that in my eyes divorce would have been a small price to pay. I was very, very happy with her. More so than other girls and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She said so many things to me that burned in my heart and ignited a flame that had been out for many years. She would tell me she could see us living together getting old. She could see herself being marred with me. Having a child with me. I had given up on family because my life is so consumed here that I thought, leaving for Thailand to be with her is the answer I have waiting for all my life. I could not have kids here because I have no family here to help guide like I was being the youngest of many. Her family was much younger and I could see that should we have kids that her family could help guide. I knew if I ever had a child, he or she would be the most beautiful and would have to be the most loved. My family is so fragmented in distance. Nothing like when I was a child and we all were 24/7 at my parents home. It's not like this for me in this home. There is no nearby family. I always wanted a young girl with a young family. My father is 92 and my sisters are much older than I am. I thought my prayers with this girl were answered and I would finally live "happy" and have a family of my own.
The day came when I took her back to the airport after a month and a half. I really did not want her to leave. I was in tears and she was sad herself. When she got back we still communicated through the net and I still got grief from my wife for the whole episode. I was torn that she had gone and thought to plan for my leave to see her as well. I told her should I ever visit Thailand, I would just for her alone. The longer she left the more my heart was sad and depressed. We still chatted but not as much. The time zone between Thailand and the East Coast made it almost 12 hours apart. She still would say she missed me and I felt like she was suffering as much as I was. While she was staying I thought I paid her the highest compliment I could give anyone. I told her I would sell everything I own just to be with her over there. I probably could retire with a nice nest egg as well for the standard of living over there and buy property if she were my wife. I still have more inheritance coming my way. I'm pretty adventurous and always enjoy a challenge so I would not be broke or destitute. I wanted her with all my heart.
Now this is how Thailand hit me in a way that I could not have anticipated. A few weeks after chatting her attitude began to change. She started to tell me to forget about her. That it was just vacation for her. That she has decided to be with girls and now with a new girlfriend. That she decided not to marry or ever had kids. That I should go back to my wife. That her family would not accept me. That her coming was a mistake. So many excuses all at once that it was like a sledge hammer hitting my heart. Not just one excuse with an explanation to understand but many in one blow. My heart was already sad that she was gone and now it had to endure a pile driver of a hammer swing that nearly broke me mentally and physically. I lost all desire to do anything or be anything. Even my wife said I had changed for the worse and actually told me to leave to be with her if it would help. But she did not know that I was being abandoned by the one girl I would have dropped everything in the world just to be with. I would have sold my soul to be with her because I had not known such joy and happiness in so long.
The event hit me so hard that I could not understand how she had suddenly just turned a switch and turned in the opposite direction. She accepted a Facebook invite from my sister and my friend but had rejected my invite. She wanted me to forget her and she wanted to forget about me. This blew me away and I grew deeper into depression. My emotions ran in circles in my head and gave me frequent headaches. My heart would twist in knots and it actually would give me physical pain. Now I was taking aspirin and doing heavy breathing. I never felt this way before so I thought I was having a heart attack. How, I'm too young? I lost desire to eat and dropped in weight. I was dying slowly inside.
I began to research on the net trying to understand Thai culture but more about Thai girl behavior. Are all Thai girls liars? Do they tell you the sweetest things you will ever here and later put you in the past like a bad dream? How could this happen to me after all the grief and suffering I endured for her and all the places I took her to just to see her happy. How? I'm the nicest guy in the world. If I could juggle three girlfriends for three years and all knew about each other, how could I loose one so quickly? So many have told me I'm the perfect guy. Fun, no kids, romantic, loving and most of all very giving. Not to mention a stallion in bed. Remember, I had to keep three girls happy for years. How could one just flip.
I found some blogs and Thai Girls and Money, Bar Girls, Thai culture and more of course about the Tom/Dee culture over there. I went looking for answers because I got none from her. She never used me for money since her family was well off. I never felt once that she was just using me. I honestly in my heart of hearts was in love and thought the same of her. I'm married to a Thai girl myself who is great and wonderful but there is just little in common we share. I have never been put off by anyone so badly even in the States after other breakups. Why did it bother me? I had broke up before or even been dumped. Never in the past did it tear through my heart or depress me this bad. I'm young still, good looking and physically fit. Girls find me attractive. Why then this?
As I searched other blogs I began to see what may be going on. I knew she had been with other girls but when she was with me it felt like I was the only one she knew in the world. Was this typical to treat you so nice? As I read, I see that the culture is about being nice. So nice that it's very misleading. The truth is that the culture is self absorbed and all about what's in it for me. That is the true motive of Thai girls deep down inside. But you won't see it on the outside. I got so much attention that I thought I was the only person she ever knew in her life. I loved it and I was blinded.
I also researched why she kept asking me to forget her and delete all our conversations as if I never existed. I think that mentality came from the search I had done about Tom Dee relationships. According to my findings, a girl who would be in this time of relationship would always be a Tom or Dee. It seems straying to a man from woman would be frowned on as viewed as promiscuous activity. What we would call in the States a slut or whore. Is she afraid that others would find out that see strayed and regardless of education she would be embarrassed?
She said her father would never accept me. Why? I'm a business person like he is. I could offer a dowry if needed. Why or is this another lie? And how could she lie to me so easily after all I had done for her? I did not deserve the shitty treatment I got when she returned. I even thought of revenge. I was so filled with emotions from sadness, to love, to depression and hate. I felt like a volcano ready to erupt and even packed my things just to take one of my cars and leave to get away. I wanted to run from everything around me. I have never been rejected by any parents. I am a parent's perfect child or dream come true.
I am still sad and down about the entire event that took place. I'm tempted to write her but I don't. I now feel more hatred than any other emotion. But hatred for the Thai culture that smacked me in the face and blind sided me. How could a country with educated people produce such a piece of trash and hurt me so bad? I talked to my wife's father who is Thai and said, "I feel sad for Thai people. It seems that the poor Thai folks are having many children because they will provide for them when old. But the educated class of society is selfish and not having any kids or even changed teams to turn to lesbianism". I mean if you just do the numbers alone, you will see that in time, society will be virtually all poor and rise up against the rich. Look at the changes happening now in the Middle East. It's a prelude of what's to come in Thailand if the educated people stay self absorbed. And the father agreed with me. He too knows it. His one daughter won't be having children and it seems the Tom Dees are from the educated class because they have lost hope in Thai men.
Honestly, I still miss her today and it's only been a month. It has been especially hard for me since every where I look in the house, I see her image and see where her and I shared intimate moments. I'm reminded of her each day. She made so many promises to me about returning, about us, about life. I see that everything from the start with her was a lie. Once you hear one lie, I just assume the truth is not in you and assume everything said after will be just that, well, another lie. Is this Thai Culture? You can keep it
I wonder still, is this a test for her? Does she want to see how badly she truly misses me? Or as she said in a message before that I'm just a mistake? The knife in my heart has gone completely through now.
You need to take a look in the mirror. If anyone is totally self-absorbed and only cares about what is in it for themselves, I would suggest that it is you!