Feelings

Never a day passes by when I fail to read the new submissions on Stickman Readers' Submissions – sometimes disappointed with the themes and sometimes sympathising or empathising with the opinions expressed. Everyone has their own take on how they see things – and they have their own reasons for the attitudes held. We don't have the right to contradict those views – even though we may think we know better.

All I want to do is to share some feelings that are special to me – things I shall never forget and feel so grateful for those experiences.

The worst that you can imagine happening to you is when you believe you have found that Thai woman who is the love of your life. Perhaps it's only a dream – or perhaps an unrealistic appreciation of how things of the heart actually work in Thailand – and in Asia in general. We have a dream that we believe in – wherever it comes from, who knows? It is a driving force that pushes us on to try to make that dream become real (generally misguided and lacking in data).

Having said that, there is the other side of the coin representing those who go to Thailand loaded with only selfish interests and no regard whatsoever for the damage they cause to innumerable Thai women and girls – so long as they can achieve their goals of self-indulgence and plain-dumb behaviour. Here, I am not even touching on the sexual dangers of HIV/AIDS or other STDs. I am no authority on statistics relative to these subjects – and I certainly doubt the accuracy of figures quoted by other contributors on these pages. Statistics are traditionally manipulated to give credence to any vested interest.

We all come from different backgrounds and varying degrees of success and failure in past careers and relationships – but most of us want happiness. That happiness may come from freedom to do as one pleases within the law wherever we are choosing to live. Of course, the previous statements apply to the viewpoint taken by a male – because that is where I am writing from. But is it so different for a woman to want these same things? Of course it isn't – we are all human beings who crave love and attention – somebody with whom we can share our most private feelings and our darkest fears.

The greatest enemy is ignorance and insufficient information regarding the subject with which we are dealing when the decision is made to seriously consider anything more than holiday visits to Thailand. Still, even the holiday visitor should have the good manners to make the effort to try to be gracious, well-mannered and mindful of how easy it is to come across as insensitive – and should be aware of the culture into which they are intruding. Thai people are not inferior, subservient individuals without feelings – an attitude that many visitors seem to hold. The truth is (and this is my personal view) that most Thais (and other Asians) have higher moral and ethical standards than we exhibit in the West.

So, let's go back to the original theme – “Feelings”. Why is it that many Farangs assume that Thai women's feelings are not genuine? It seems to me that many Farangs assume that most of the Thai female population are predators with the only aim of milking dry the “victim's” ATM or bank account. Any half-sensible person can pick a fool from a few minutes of conversation – and most Thai women are a bit more “savvy” than the average Farang. Body language has a lot to do with assessment of the character or gullibility of a prospective “victim”. Thai women do NOT make you a “victim” – most Farangs are very capable of doing that for themselves.

Sure, I've been taken for the occasional “bus ride” but I don't hate those women for trying it on – I still have love for them. As Farangs, we are “victims” of our own stupidity and lack of street wisdom in a country about which most of us are clueless in the beginning – and even later, in the extreme. I remember each and every one of the Thai women I have been involved with over the last 14 years – I remember their names and where they came from, where I met them and their life stories. That is a gift to me and I wouldn't change it for any amount of money because they are special memories.

I am no longer married to my Thai wife – but I still love her and we would both do anything we could to help each other at any time if asked to do so. There are still long-term relationships current with a number of Thai women that I regard very highly – but I have no illusions that I am the only one exclusively involved with each of them. What it comes down to is reality and understanding necessity.

For those who are married happily in Thailand (or in some Western country) to a Thai women, it gives me a warm feeling of happiness for their success if that is what they want out of life. I never wish to be married again to any woman – Thai or Western – and believe me, there are some Western women for whom I would crawl naked over broken glass to be with (not married to). As a friend of mine once said “I would eat a yard-and-a-half of her shit – and complain if it was an inch too short”. Well. Perhaps that's a bit too extreme for me but I can understand the sentiment.

So guys, why not try to be less critical of Thai women in particular and Western women in general – and start by taking more responsibility for our own gullibility. Geez, I would hate to live in a world without them. What a horrible place that would be.