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The Pride of Creation

  • Written by Felix
  • July 17th, 2012
  • 4 min read



A number of Farangs who invited a young local lady for a sleepover at their hotel room have made the following experience: La Belle de la Nuit comes out of the bathroom, dressed only in a towel, marches toward the TV, picks up the remote control and turns on the dullest soap opera, Samsung or Siemens have ever sponsored. Then she moves on to the bed, sits down still covered by the towel and invites you with a movement of her hand to come closer without interrupting her concentration on the TV-drama.

For many men this is a moment of degradation. You had expected that as soon as the eagle had landed, you would receive the full attention of your P4P partner. Instead her eyes are glued on a young actor in the process of losing his marbles. She does not protest when you remove the towel, but she does not cooperate. Her mind is involved with the actor or the action on the screen, while her body can be pirated by you. Mai pen rai.

Your lust implodes, your anger grows. Who are you to be treated in such a neglecting way?

Seasoned mongers try to avoid this situation by removing the antenna cable and hiding it. But if the woman has balls – configuratively speaking – she might call the room service and ask for a replacement of the antenna cable. Or the woman suffers silently and lets you feel it. This is the mood out of which starfishes are born.

What can the host do without losing face? In his place I would first ask myself, why is my visitor not more openly interested in me? And second: How can I turn this trouble to my advantage?

A young, good-looking Farang – outstanding in Western eyes – assumes that he makes the same irresistible impression on slanted eyes. But does he really? Maybe the women of the East follow another concept of beauty than his fans in the West.

Not so long ago I invited a Muslim ladyfriend on a trip to visit communist Hong Kong and South China. Why there? Because China does not mind a Muslima sharing a hotel room with an infidel. I would not try this in South Thailand. After a day of sightseeing on Hong Kong Island we sat down in an open air restaurant in Kowloon and she told me: “Felix, do you know what I miss? The whole day I did not see a single man who looked like a real man. Everyone seems to be effeminate. I saw a thousand softies, but not one man that could interest me as a man.”

I was not displeased to hear this, but I thought that all those softies – being what they were – might be able to inflame female hearts of their country to love them, for a reason not visible to Western eyes. My friend, as a Muslima, was of course used to the rough masculinity of Arab faces, not so popular in the East. So round eyes and slanted eyes may be different types of beholders of beauty.

Back to the hotel room with the soap-opera playing. How attractive do I look to my overnight guest? What does she see in me? Am I the Pride of Creation or – horribile dictu – a pink-skinned, hairy primate twice her age and twice her weight who smells of whiskey and burps beer foam out of his throat? Could someone desire such a fellow? Or would she prefer a softy much better? Why then is she here on my bed?

Spare me to elaborate on the last question. The result cannot be very flattering. My brain moves on to Lenin’s famous question “Shto delat?”, “What is to be done?”

The science of psychoanalysis uses since Freud the healing process of Übertragung, generally translated as transference. This means that your centre of attention is transferred from one object to another without you becoming aware of it. Now let us try to apply this method to the unsatisfactory situation in the hotel room.

While your guest still enjoys mental intimacy with the actor on the screen, your hands can begin to do things to her in a tender way, the hands of the actor are not able to perform. If you are lucky, she does not realize or she even accepts the replacement, and once you have sent her to her first “high tide”, as the Chinese call it, you can turn off the TV without risking protest. The key to winning is to be patient and good humoured. This key can open the door to great moments of togetherness, originally not expected by your partner. But never forget: It is not you she desires, it is your contribution to her family’s well being. All else I would call collateral fallout.


Stickman's thoughts:

Nice!