Stickman Readers' Submissions July 20th, 2012

Thai Girlfriend Thoughts / Advice

I can't believe I'm really writing this, but I have read many of your articles and was intrigued by the ones dealing with the scams. The work I'm in makes me a bit of a cynic and not very trusting of others. I tend to over analyze and cause
problems in relationships. I made sure to read many posts on scams and things to watch for in Thailand; as well as, call on my past experience traveling around Europe.

Anyway, I was in Pattaya in June of this year for my second trip over to the land of smiles. I had absolutely zero intention of getting a girlfriend while there and had planned on just having fun and enjoying myself. I walked into a club
and was seated by this great woman. I proceeded to watch her for a while as she worked and ran around the bar taking drink orders and getting drinks. She was a waitress / hostess for the place and seemed to be having a lot of fun and really
enjoyed her job. I watched her for a while and didn't notice that I was completely focused on her; until, she looked up at me and smiled, then pointed to the stage. I nodded, but went right back to staring at her. I was captivated by
how genuine her smile and demeanor were. I knew then that she had me, if she wanted me and it appeared that she did. I did not bar fine her and said I would be back the next night.

The next night I returned and she turned 30 that night at midnight and said she did not want a bar fine and wanted to work. She asked me how many drinks I had and said she wanted me not to drink too much, so that we could go out with her friends later.
She invited me to go to the beach the next day with her and her friends and said I could invite my friend. I accepted and she sat next to me and we chatted and drank until her friends got there. She then took me upstairs to drink with them
away from the regular crowd, introduced me to them and she continued working. Her friends talked me into barfining her so that she could come and drink with all of us and we had a good time. A couple of the guys with her friend's boyfriend
got drunk and she hurriedly took me downstairs away from them and said they were drunk and going to get into trouble. After the bar we all went to get some food and she had me sampling a bit of everything and then bought me a rose. Kind of
unusual, but I accepted and we kept chatting and having a good time. I offered to pay for the food and everyone thanked me. She came back with me and stayed the night.

The next day she stayed until she got a text from her friend about the beach, so she left on a scooter taxi to get changed and came back after about an hour with her friends to pick us up. Never asked me for money for anything. This continued for the
next week. She never asked for money and slowly started to open up about her life and growing up. Things that had happened to her. She bought me a few more roses and wouldn't allow me to buy her anything. Some things I offered to buy
and she would say, "No, too expensive". These were items that were only about 1,000 – 1,500 baht. She paid for most things that she wanted herself and even paid for some of the taxi rides or baht buses. One night I lost my wallet
and didn't notice until we arrived at the hotel. I told her and we figured out it must have been at the restaurant we had eaten after hitting the bars all night. She dressed quickly and flew out of the room saying she would be back in
20 minutes. I quickly handed her some money and said to give it as a reward. About 15 minutes later she arrived on the back of a scooter with the wallet and was smiling ear to ear, so happy to have found it. She gave it to me and said to check
it and make sure all the money was there. I told her I didn't care about the money, just the cards. Everything was there, a little over 8,000 baht and my 2 credit cards.

I knew then that she was a keeper and she had taken my heart. She is so bubbly and full of life. Always smiling and laughing and having fun. I have really fallen for her. She got a little moody when I only had about 2 days left, but we got through it
and talked about her dreams. She wants to be a divemaster and has been taking diving lessons at the PADI shop in Pattaya around Soi 10 and Soi 11. I even tried and verified that by going diving and talking with her instructor some. For the
rest of the time in Thailand, Pattaya and Bangkok, she tried to take care of me. Taking me to little places to eat and trying to keep me from sweating, lol, an impossible task in that heat. She was very loving, kind, and tender. I felt she
was very genuine and I fell in love with her and she with me. She sang to me and she is just phenomenal.

But, I saw a post from May on her Facebook page from someone saying he had helped her so that she didn't have to dance and that she loved him and did he believe in true love. She asked me the same question also. Now my foundation
is shaken a bit. I know she is still working at the club. She says she turns down bar fines because we are in love and she only wants to be with me. I want to trust her, but I have that cynicism gnawing at me.

I really want to trust her and she has already made a big impact in my life in a very short time. Currently we talked about her getting a visa and coming over to visit for 90 days. She said she went to a visa business and they told her
6 months and that it would cost 10,000 baht. I told her ok and to start the process. Shortly after she lost her phone and now we talk via Skype a few times a week. She said the guy at the visa place told her the reason for 6 months is to show
a pattern of contact every month and that I should deposit 5,000 baht into her account a month to show that I'm willing to help support her. It sounds legit and understandable thinking from an analyst perspective. All I think about is
being with her and have checked ways to get her here, what is needed for marriage, if I would be able to live and work there. Basically I'm going over all my options to be with her and be happy, but then I saw that post on Facebook and
it really hit me in the gut. Just writing this to you makes me feel a bit like I'm not trusting her and betraying that trust that she has in me, but I'm a bit scared now. I really want to believe that she's the woman of my dreams
and I'm hoping she is.

Again, this is the only money that she has asked for from me. I took her shopping in Bangkok and she was not willing to let me get her a new phone or splurge on her at all. I talked her into a backpack for about 250 baht and some new
shoes. I even offered to pay the 28,000 baht for her dive master certification and she declined saying that she wanted to earn it. I feel a deep respect for that type of mentality because that's how I was raised and tend to be a workaholic.

Any thoughts or advice would be great.


The difficulty here is establishing the veracity of the Facebook comments. Was that a former boyfriend? Is she still in contact with that guy? That is a concern, but then if those comments were made before she met you then hey, they should not even be taken into account.

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