Readers' Submissions

Dear Professor

  • Written by John
  • July 24th, 2012
  • 6 min read

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This is a reply to the Professor's, “Do Stickman Readers Hate Woman?”


I will apologize from the start and state that this will be the most boring and uninteresting submission on Stick’s site. So be warned before reading further.


The reason for it being so boring and uninteresting is that it is a simple story of a normal, healthy, long-term relationship (marriage) with a Thai lady. I mean what could be more boring than that? But per the Professor’s challenge, here is our story.


Some years back I got somewhat ‘hooked’ on Thailand for a range of reasons – I am sure they are all covered well in over hundreds of other submissions. By a stroke of incredible luck not much later I ended up working in Thailand in an expat role for a couple of years.


And what a crazy couple of years it started out to be. Too many girls to count – too many phone numbers to remember – and what an amazing place Thailand is! But I also knew that my tenure there was short, and I also understood the Disneyland that is the Thailand nightlife scene. Plus if I was honest to myself, what I really wanted was the right lady for marriage. I know, I know, completely crazy thoughts. But we are all young and stupid at some point in our lives!


One day after work, by a stroke of luck even more amazing than the luck that landed me in Thailand on an expat package in the first place, I met this lady. To me she was the most amazing Thai girl I had met ever. She looked stunning, when dressed up carried herself incredibly, was smart, had that incredibly uncommon thing called common sense, was easy to be with and I was just in awe over her. To me, she was different. But even then I knew thinking such thoughts was oh so dangerous. She is different! How many times have we heard that before?


I made all the classic mistakes. Shortly after meeting her (like about a month later) she moved to my apartment. I also learned something that worried me. She came from North East Thailand – not that she looked it – and from the most infamous of cities, Buriram. Now we all know what ‘all’ country girls from Buriram do as their chosen line of work in Bangkok, don’t we? And even if she was the 1% who really did not have that line of work, how on earth could you trust a girl from this place? A Bangkok girl is dangerous enough! But Buriram! That is insanity, right? In fact as crazy as it now is looking back, I almost stopped seeing her after finding out about Buriram. I wanted a girl from Bangkok, not Buriram!


5 months after meeting her I was due to go home. Although home for me was not my country of origin, but another South East Asian country 2 hours by plane away. And that made things easy – she just got on a plane and came with me!


A year and a bit later we got married. Everyone said I was a little crazy. Well that is not quite true. Most people said I was totally crazy! I remember one good friend in Bangkok asking me why did I want to tie myself with one girl, when there were so many around any time I wanted. Plus as he said, even if things worked out, in another 10 to 15 years I was going to be waking up with an aging Thai lady rather than a mid-20’s beauty.


I remember the day in Farangland when we registered the marriage (which was before the ceremony in Thailand). I took a deep breath as I put on my suit – shit, I hope this is the right thing I am doing today. I hope this gut feeling that tells me this is the right thing does not end in disaster. And Stickman articles say that based on probability it is about 90% likely to be a disaster, right?


Well let’s skip from the day in the registry office where, as happy as we were, I also hoped this would work, to today. This submission is already so boring – you don’t really want to hear about 6 years of marriage, right?


Well today I can sit here writing this with a smile and say, Yes, Yes my wife is different. She is without doubt the best thing that ever happened to me – well apart I guess from the luck that landed me in Thailand for 2 years in the first place.


I am very happily married, have a partner that I really believe will be life-long, and want of nothing. So how boring is that then? The thing that used to play on my mind actually – about having an aging wife is of no concern to me anymore. I could not imagine waking up with anyone else.


So what is the reason for this happy and healthy relationship? To keep it really simple I would say don’t expect to find a life-time partner at Nana or Soi Cowboy and apply some of that not so common, common sense yourself.


In addition I would suggest as has been said before that you find someone of a similar age, who has a similar outlook on life, and have embraced Asian-living / culture yourself.


Find a girl who is independent, who is not moody, jealous, or scheming. That is to say just find someone who is easy to be with – all simple and boring stuff really. In addition find some who you can trust completely.


The trust part is a fundamental. My wife knows exactly what my assets are. She knows exactly where my bank statements are and all other things financial. Similarly she knows exactly when I am off to Soi Cowboy, Nana, or a (potentially) naughty massage shop when in Bangkok. There are no secrets between us.


The stereotypes on Stickman Bangkok while I am 100% sure exist do not necessarily exist. My wife’s family has never asked for 1 cent – and this in spite of my wife knowing full well that my bank balances runs to 7 digits (in real money). Yes, when we go up-country we take a monetary gift. I also take money for my own mum when we visit her too. This then brings me to the second-last point. My wife is a partner in our marriage, I believe, for us. Yes family is important and we both have our respective obligations. But our marriage is our partnership for us. Simple really and oh so boring!


There is one last thing. As always, that stroke of luck that puts you in the right place at the right time. I do often contemplate how life would be now, if on that day I had not had the opportunity that I had, and we had not met. But as someone once said, the harder you work, the more you take care of yourself, and the more you get involved in the world, the more luck seems to find you. Never a truer word spoken


So good luck to all!


So there we go, Professor – a brief summary of a healthy long-term relationship story. We are out there. But most people put ‘pen’ to ‘paper’ about complaints in life. As seen on uStickman Bangkok daily. That is why a story like this is rare.


John




Stickman's
thoughts:


It's nice to read such a positive story. Your tips on choosing Miss Right were good too.

For the benefit of readers, I know the author of this submission well, was at his small get-together after marriage in Bangkok and every time I see him and his lovely wife he really is as happy as he says he is in this submission!