I just finished spending a week with my local girlfriend here in Bangkok while the wife was out of the country. It was like a honeymoon for us and our story may be useful for those westerners who live in the USA, Europe, Australia, etc and are supporting
a girl here. For us it was mostly fun, but the point I make for the readers of this forum is you are taking big risk if you think your girl is ok with you living outside of Thailand and still being faithful to you.
W is a woman that I have known for nearly a year. She has never worked in a bar but has worked in massage places for the last few years and has children by her original Thai partner (not officially married because he never officially divorced his official first wife). She has known from the start that I am married and have no intention of divorcing my current wife who is a wonderful sweet lady but no longer interested in sex. My relationship with W began as a purely sexual one and has gradually become more emotionally intense. She is early thirties and today is my 63rd birthday. She is two years younger than my oldest daughter and a year older than my youngest daughter (both live in the USA) but we look a similar age due to luck in my genetic makeup that makes me look early 40s. I keep thinking that the hospital made a mistake on my birth certificate
W broke up with her Thai "husband" of ten years after she couldn't take his drinking and yaba binges and after she heard he found a younger girl. They met when she was 20 and he was 30 the second time she came to Bangkok to earn her living. Of course she is from Isaan – but much lighter skinned than most of her "sisters" from the northeast.
Unlike the typical Isaan ladies, she has a strong entrepreneurial streak and has helped her boss who owns several massage shops to open and establish new shops by actively marketing the new places handing out leaflets in high traffic areas – malls, supermarkets, etc. The other ladies in the shops are jealous of the perks she enjoys (i.e. no penalties for late shows, free hours, etc.)
As we have come to know each other better, we have shared our checkered pasts and I let her know that I do not want to change her, judge her or try to own her. I just want her to have a happy life.
Normally we would meet once or twice a week either at one of the massage shops or a short time hotel for some loving time together. I tested myself at the local Red Cross clinic to verify no STDs and she had a test as a part of her swim club membership so we have sex like man and wife. We fantasize about having a baby together but she knows that with my vasectomy it is just a fantasy.
She has a sort of "boyfriend" who lives overseas in a western country who is in love with her and sends her a modest amount of money each month. However, when she lived with him for a few months last year, she didn't feel the "spark" in the time they spent together. He is also paying for her to go to school to learn his language better, but she feels guilty that she doesn't love him and is trying to find a way to tell him without hurting him too much.
During the last week we spent together at a small but nice hotel in the Sukhumvit area, I listened in while he called her every day. He seems like a nice guy and if she loved him, I would be happy she found a way forward in her life.
On the good side words cannot describe the feeling of being with someone who is wildly in love with you and is focused only on giving you pleasure while you pleasure her. It is truly the intense feeling of your first honeymoon. There is nothing in the world that matches that feeling. She is practicing haircutting with a friend of hers so she can cut my hair. She wants to buy me shirts, rub cologne on me – just do anything to mark me as hers. At the same time she knows not to call me at home or do anything to make my wife suspicious.
The down side is she knows I will not stay in Thailand forever. In fact I have let her know that my wife is looking to move later this year.
She has proposed that I pay a few thousand baht a month for a small apartment in the mean time so we can use this a few times a week as a love nest until I go. Other than that, she asks for no money – only that I love her within the limits of my situation. If I stay for more than a couple of months, I'll probably do this.
Where will we go from here? There will likely be tears and heartbreak coming in that I will likely leave Thailand in the next three months or so. She might decide to stick with her "boyfriend" but the other night she seemed determined to break it off with him and to try to repay him for the school support he has paid. His family loves her and he loves her, but he seems so controlling that she feels trapped, and sexually she just can't see herself being with someone who doesn't make her "finish" the way she does with me. In her words "I like old man" I know from experience with my first wife, that sexual compatibility is important.
On my part when I leave Thailand I will miss her a lot but will also have many many happy memories of the times we have spent together that will warm me in my declining years. I have had a few girlfriends in the past that I still think of fondly – picturing our times together and remembering the loving things we have done and they have said. To me women are the most wonderful part of this world and the best reason why life is worth living.
So we will have to see what happens next. Real life is an ongoing saga.
Finally as a closing note to those guys who are not living here but trying to keep a long distance relationship alive with a woman in Thailand, I suggest you either move here or set her free. She may try to be faithful, but long distance relationships simply do work for very long. Don't put yourself in the position where a guy like me will be in bed with your girl while you ask her on the phone is everything ok.
Do let us know what happens when you move on. Assuming you're able to extricate yourself without her emotions getting the better of her there could be some advice for guys who find themselves in a similar situation.
Excellent final paragraph and advice, by the way.