Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 327

  • Written by Dana
  • May 12th, 2012
  • 6 min read



Hello Mr. Stickman: Here is Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 327 and thank-you. Additionally, I have, as usual, sent my fee for being published to Korski. As you know he got in touch with me almost ten years ago and informed me that he was your agent and that I had to pay a 'fee' of $300 per submission to get published. I was to send the money to him and then he would deposit it in your bank account. I hope there has not been a problem with this. At $300 per submission and 327 submissions the deposit in your bank should be approximately $98,100 by now. If you notice any difference between the amount of money that should have been deposited in your account by Mr. Korski and the amount of money that was actually deposited in your account by Mr. Korski just notify me and I will correspond with him. I am sure there won't be any problem.

Dana
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Hello Stickmanites and Dana fans: today a two-part gift. First a short piece titled Dick Duel and then the main event titled Boardwalk Conversations. Enjoy.

DICK DUEL

Thailand has three seasons: rainy, hot, and center-of-the-sun deathstar hot. It is the deathstar season now. Dogs are laying in the middle of the road hoping a car drives over them. Throw a cheezeburger at a dog and if it lands more than an inch away from its nose it will not even move. Too hot. Any girl will go home with you to your hotel room. Any woman. You've never been able to score a 10 before out of the ground floor Rainbow bar across from the Mothership? You will now. Why? It is the deathstar season and your hotel has air-conditioning. Suddenly you are a hansum man. Take off of your clothes and look at yourself in the mirror. Now consider how beautiful some of these girls are. That's how hot it is. So things are a bit slow here at the Bangkok offices of Dana Enterprises in the Rajah building just a stones throw from the Mothership. For that reason I am challenging everyone to a duel. The winner will receive forty-five minutes with tranny Emma of Pattaya. Time enough to push it around with a stick, take pictures of it, dress it up in a little costume, and drill-baby-drill. It's hot baby and we all need to have some fun.

The duel will be conducted thus: Principle parties (myself plus a challenger), seconds, medical people, photographers, courtroom artists, videographers, and Wan the retired doorgirl from the old Carousel Bar will meet in the 2nd floor suite at the Mothership. Both parties (myself plus challenger) will strip naked, face each other, and achieve rock hard erections. Wan will then tape 10 baht coins to our penises until they are horizontal. Next she will place a one inch soft lard candle on the end of each penis. The first one to flinch loses.

Like I said, things are a bit slow here at the Bangkok offices of Dana Enterprises. It's hot. Not inside a pussy hot, but center-of-the-sun hot. It's the off season. Hot. Nobody is cleaning the drains on Soi 4 in front of the N.E.P., nobody is repairing cars in the street in front of the Vientai hotel in Banglampu, and the carpark girls at the Mothership have entered the 10th dimension of advanced whore 'Don't Give A Fxxx'. How advanced can 'Don't Give A Fxxx' be? The trannies don't even tell you to go in slow. That's right. They 'Don't Give A Fxxx'. Honk if you love the deathstar hot season in the Kingdom.

So if you want to try and win forty-five minutes at the A.A.Hotel Hotel in Pattaya with Emma-the-tranny come on by the office and challenge me to a dick duel. Duels are held immediately, no time for training; and all photos and videos are on the Internet within minutes. Call yourself a man? Ok, come on by and challenge me. Emma in the sixth floor ocean facing suite at the A.A.Hotel on Soi 13/0 in Pattaya is 12 inches and growing.

But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is:


BOARDWALK CONVERSATIONS

It isn't easy being me. All I want to do is love and be loved. Every one of my thoughts is about giving and bonding and finding my cosmic companion. I saw an angel on the boardwalk in Pattaya and I said:

"The hocket effect between the violins is intensified after the first cadence, their tossed motivic ball now consisting of only two notes in an iambic pattern (that is, starting iwth an upbeat), while the bass continues its frenetic run, made even more athletic by the use of large skips–octaves, ninths, even tenths."

She, my future wife and mother of my children, said:

"Farang ding dong."

So when I said as a happy hopefully bonding continuem followup:

"The ban on virtuosity reflected the old aristocratic prejudice, inherited from Aristotle, that found its most influential neoclassical expression in Castiglione's Book of the Courtier, in which noble amateurs are enjoined to affect sprezzatura ( "a certain noble negligence," or nonchalence) in their singing lest they compromise their standing as "free men" by an infusion of servile professionalism."

I was disappointed and surprised to hear my angel of the boardwalk, my cosmic companion, say:

"Me no like."

So, switching gears, I said something regarding physics. Physics makes whores hot and I know it so I said:

"Harmonic restlessness continues through an asymmetrical (because binarily indivisible) five measures–during which, with a single exception, every degree of the chromatic scale is sounded–before settling down on A minor, and at this point, stable thematics material is resumed for two measures–literally resumed at the very point at which it had been interrupted–only to be superseded by another five bars restless modulation, aggravated this time by quickened syncopes, during which every degree of the chromatic scale is sounded without exception."

Ok, that's not actually physics. Nothing topically and transparentally to do with physics but I figured it would sound like physics and my Issan minx would be rubbing her legs together like a cricket on yaa baa.

Result? Zippo. Niet. Bupkus. Nothing. Zero. Goose Egg. The big yawn, followed by Go Away (in Thai). Usually, I am catnip to women and physics quotes never fail to charm. This time? I got nothin'. So I tried an oldy but a goody that always works with car park trash at the Mothership in Bangkok. I said:

"I can hold up a galvanized pail full of glass ash trays with my erection."

She took my hand and we crossed the street to my hotel. The rest was rose petals and moonbeams. Cosmic companions bonking like wire-haired terrier dogs on amphetamines. The next morning I felt like a shot dog that had been dropped off a cliff and dragged behind a car. Love is like that. My dick had a groove from the galvanized pail handle and the bed was full of glass ash trays and cigarette butts. It isn't easy to be me.

Announcement of our marriage will be on this website. God has sent me an angel and her name is Dung. I will spend the rest of my life sleeping with Dung. Just lucky I guess. I'm catnip to women and a great communicator. It all adds up.
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Music quotes from Music in the Seventeenth and Eighteenth Centures by Taruskin