Just had some sad news about an old friend who has passed away.
I often would talk to John at great length about his life in the UK and Thailand and always wished he had written down his thoughts. John loved to philosophize about Asia, and was a deep thinker.
John had been married to a Thai good girl for 10 very happy years.
He would on many occasions attempt to help his fellow Farangs in the maze they would often create for themselves in the LOS and many other countries in Asia.
In our lives, I believe, we only meet a few people who make a lasting impression and John was a unique character and his kindness and loyalty never failed to amaze me (even in the face of adversity).
John is the man who made my hopes and dreams become a reality and would always tell me "the long game" was the only way to secure a long and happy relationship with Asian women.
An example of this is my own search for a partner in Thailand and ultimately Asia.
I had been happy for 15 years of my 20-year marriage in the UK until I found myself alone (long story).
I had become acquainted with Thailand in my late teens and early 20s and had the usual and enlightening experiences most of us share.
I do understand why we all go and do the things we do.
I also understand that as individuals some like to monger and some love the whole cultural experience that Asia can gives us ( both in my case).
During my mongering months John would often ask me "why are you here and what do you want from all this".
I told him that in the end, I wanted a good girl and to settle into a new and final relationship, partnership, friendship and marriage even children and I wanted all those things in Asia.
John told me if or when I had met someone that I felt was relationship material, "give me a bell".
A typical conversation with John would be.
Hi John I've met someone;
"Where did you meet her?"
at a club
"Don't bother, it's a waste of time!"
Another time was;
Hi John I've met someone else;
"Where did you meet her?"
"Have you taken her out yet?"
"Well that's ok, what do you know about her?"
She is very shy, very cute, her English is good, we laugh a lot and she always asks me questions about why I am here, how long and my plans etc. Her mother runs the business and she works there part time and is finishing university this year after doing her finals in English and journalism. She is 25 and looks younger, dresses well, no tats or heavy make up.
"Great, ask her out and if that fails, take one shirt or pair of shorts in every day when you see her working, and tell her that you do it to see and talk with her. Also tell her to do a 2-hour clean because you want to see her twice every day."
After a week or so she agrees to a date and the following morning I ring John;
Hi John, I'm going out with Oil for lunch on Monday at Pizza Hut.
"Great, let me know what happens and don't swear don't try to kiss her or touch her and don't drink any alcohol."
Well things went great with Oil. We had lunch with her Aunt and niece and she agreed to meet again.
When I spoke with John he told me to be patient about being chaperoned and to abstain from any attempts at a kiss or even holding hands and just be patient, and let her decide the pace. "Play the long game."
This is an insight to John's ability to guide and calmly show many people into the first steps into a relationship with a Thai good girl and there are many out there for farangs who want to find them.
Regarding Oil, we dated for 2 weeks before we held hands and that started at the movies in the dark. The first kiss was after 4 weeks. I met all the family and friends over those weeks and then we finally did the deed. Out of the blue without any clue to her intentions she leapt on me in my apartment and violated me.
Always be aware of any tell tale signs of the Thai boyfriend, spending too much money etc etc.
Do not get too drunk or use bad language or behavior
Smile, be happy.
Accept that they will try to varying degrees to obtain some gifts, but, believe it or not, this is not a priority for most good girls.
All this was John's way of showing me what most of these good girls are about. Show them respect, kindness, patience, care, understanding, show responsibility and acceptance of their way of doing things, no matter how frustrated you may become, these girls can be absolutely magnificent.
Oil and I were boy and girlfriend for 10 months and she departed for work in Japan and I ultimately found the love I was looking for in the Philippines and have been very happily married for 3 years now.
Thank you, John.
You will be missed my friend.
The long game is absolutely the way to go in Thailand – and not just in matters of the heart.