Readers' Submissions

We Are Social Beings

  • Written by SydM78
  • April 5th, 2012
  • 4 min read

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Without a doubt, the issue of finding a Thai wife and relationships with Thais are some of the most, if not, the most discussed topics in the submissions. The common threads running through this subject area include:

• Why are guys obsessed with finding a Thai wife?

• Why do Western guys fall in ‘love’ with Thais easy?

• What is wrong with these guys who fall in ‘love’ with bargirls easily?

• Are these guys stupid and why can’t they see they’re being used for their money?

• Why don’t they just use the services of the girl and forget about ‘love’?

• It’s a losing scenario to bring a Thai back to a Western country.

The list could go on but I am sure you get the drift. The writers who have delved into this topic have usually laid the cause for this ‘irrational’ and stupid behaviour in the choice domain. In other words, these Western guys
have choices but they are not able to exercise the right decision because they are ‘blinded’ by love. The other cause some of these writers have leaned towards is the mere stupidity of these men. These men are stupid and dumb and
because of this, they are unable to see the ‘game’ being played and are consequently taken for a ride.

Well I am sorry but the cause or causes behind the behaviour of these men cannot be constricted down to very simplistic and narrow explanations and approaches. The problem is much larger and deeper. What we have here is a case of someone
pointing to the moon and the person observing is looking at the finger rather than the moon.

To find the cause behind the ‘irrational’ behaviour these men exhibit, one must not solely focus on the individual and his shortcomings displayed in his character and disposition, and then determine the entire fault lays with
the individuals self. On the contrary, emphasis and attention should be focused on the society the man comes from. What sort of a society was he born and reared in? What are the values and attitudes of that society when it comes to marriage, love,
sex? Historically, what transformations have taken place in relation to attitudes and values regarding marriage, family, love and sex? What has caused these transformations? How has the sex roles of men and women changed? What has resulted from
this change? What role do laws relating to marriage, divorce and custody play in shaping the views of men and women? What are the family values these societies possess? What sort of a family environment were these ‘irrational’ men
raised in?

Amongst all these questions I posed, the one which deserves the most attention are the changing roles of men and women in Western society and the forces behind these changes and what has resulted from these changes. I believe the key behind
the hazardous decisions these ‘blinded’ Western men make in Thailand lies in the answer to these questions. I could pose many more relevant questions in attempting to find the cause or causes behind the actions of these ‘hapless’
men who are ‘losers’. The point however is clear. Although human beings do possess free will who make choices and decisions, these choices and decisions are deeply influenced by societal factors which are external to the individual
transcending his mere individual existence. Societal factors play a crucial role in shaping our character, personality and disposition. <I don't have the training or knowledge to comment here, but is the role really "crucial"? Maybe Professor Korski might be able to help out hereStick> If we really want to find out why Western men want to marry a Thai or fall in ‘love’ with bargirls, then the society they come from must be assessed and analysed which plays a major role in their character
development as does his childhood and the family environment he was raised in. So goes the proverbs, “the cask savours of the first fill” and “you can bend a tree when it is young”.

In conclusion, it is easy to dismiss these ‘losers’ who fall in love with bargirls and get married with them and then blame their behaviour solely with the choices he makes. I however believe that those ‘irrational’
and ‘stupid’ choices Western men make in relation to Thai women is merely a symptom, the tip of the iceberg as to why he is making potentially hazardous decisions. Attention should be given to the society he comes from and how these
societal factors may have contributed to his ‘irrationality’ and ‘stupidity’. We are after all, whether we like it or not, social beings.

SydM78

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Stickman's thoughts:

I think we are *influenced* by society, not shaped by it.

My feeling is that those who blame society when things go wrong rather than look at themselves are playing the blame game. I believe that in the case of the Western world we all pretty much have a chance to be whatever we want. Granted, some have more opportunity than others, but everyone has a chance. Study hard, work hard, get a good or high-paying job and you will have all the pussy you want. How many single doctors do you know? On the other hand, if you're a labourer living hand to mouth, you might find it tough…