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Why I Married A Thai Part 1



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I am now 40 years old and have been married for 8 years, she is my first wife, we have two kids, girls, aged 6 and 7, but it has not been easy getting this far, I believe we have a lot less influence over the events and course of our lives than we like to believe, the subconscious mind and emotions really do the driving, and whatever situation we end up at in life, it was never going to be any different.

My first time in Thailand was 1995, I was 23 and Thailand was my drug, instantly addicted. It was always easy for me to get girlfriends at home, but Thai girls were special, My very first night in Bangkok I met a beautiful girl called Nhong and she brought me back to her apartment in Ramkhamhaeng, she was not a hooker or freelancer, and back then before the Asian financial crisis of 1997 Bangkok was booming so she had a good job with a real estate company, I was backpacking then and staying at khaosan road, so the next day got the bus to Samui and after a few nights there decided to go back to see Nhong in Bangkok as I was very interested in her, so I stayed with her for a few more days, but then decided to continue my backpacking and went down to Singapore and Malaysia, It was a 1 month trip so then I went back home but kept contact with Nhong for a few months, she moved to Korat and we lost contact eventually, I went back to Thailand the following year with my girlfriend from my hometown, and we did 1 month of backpacking but our relationship was ending so we went home.
I still needed my fix of my new drug Thailand, so after working a while to save the cash, I was back for 6 months this time, I had decided to try to learn Thai and had got a course to study at home while I was working. I arrived back for trip 3 in 1997 just as the Thai baht was falling in value, so it got very cheap to live there, it went from 25 to the dollar as a fixed rate to about 50 or even 60 at one point while I was there, but it bounced back. This time I was speaking a bit of Thai and reading it too, and was getting better every day at it, I was staying in the old hotel at the bottom of soi 2 Suhkumvit road called the Atlanta, it was a lovely place, but the rooms were very old and not nice, but it was cheap by the month, the building used to sway when a train went past and I was always thinking it was going to collapse, I am still half expecting to see it in the news. I was never into paying for sex, still not, for me I have to have a chemistry with a girl to enjoy myself and really get turned on, if she is not turned on, I am not, I have too much respect for women as people to be able to do a porn style routine and actually enjoy it with someone who is clearly not connected with me, it is just the way I am always have been and always will be I guess, I have never been for a massage in Thailand even though I have spent 5 years in the country, I just could not imagine that I would be able to get into it without feeling stupid lying there naked as some disinterested hooker does her routine, sad. I am not as pure as the fallen snow however as I have got drunk and paid for sex with bargirls about a total of 6 times ever in Thailand, and I did have a few who really turned me on but it is too difficult to find girls who are my type that way as I am way too choosey, and can’t just get down with anything that is available, I am amazed at the standard of girls that some guys take out, I would much rather go home alone than shag some of them, each to his own, my type is short cute naarak pretty sexy demure you get the idea, it is not easy being me.

During the 1997 trip I went to Hollywood nightclub at Rachada rd and met Bum my next girlfriend, she was well off, rich parents, commercial pig farmers from Ang Tong, I spent the next few months going to RCA avenue with her and her rich friends, but we were not meant to be and split up, so I then had a few more girlfriends, my routine then was start drinking at khaosan road and the move downtown and end up in some late night spot, I was doing this 6 nights per week and having a great time, I didn't want to be anywhere else, I was wasting my life but enjoying doing it, I was so addicted to my Thai life that I used to hate going home, but I had to earn more money for the next trip, junkie!

I met a new girlfriend Nat who was the best fun to be with, she was a government employee in the ID card department, and we had a lot of fun, we were together for about 2 years, she wanted to marry me but she was not the one for me, she lived back in Farangland with me for a while and helped me run my business, but when the marriage question came up things had to change so I sent her back home as friends, the sold off all my stock as was soon back in Bangkok, the greatest city in the world, something for everybody. I was a very good Thai speaker and reader at this stage.

I was still friends with Nat, and one night she invites me out to a bar in Suhkumvit called the factory pool bar, I had never been there before as I was not really into hanging around the top of Suhkumvit road, not really my scene, I walk in and bang! I see her, my wife of the next 8 years, although I didn't know this at the time, the style of this bar was then 2002/3 that the serving girls were in uniform and were not traditional bargirls, they did not have any barfine requirement, but the bar also had a few in house hostesses ''lady drinks'' as they were called and a few freelancers hanging about but it was more of a laid back place rather than a serious pickup joint, anyway my wife is not really interested in me but one of the lady drinks really is and even though I go several times to this place the wrong girl is interested in me and I every time I go there this lady drink is beside me for the whole night and has me marked as hers even though I give her only negative signals, I can’t seem to get my wife to take interest, but I work on her and eventually I bring my lady drink and her for a night out at a lovely rooftop open air late night spot near khaosan, on the way back in the taxi we ditch the lady drink and I get my wife back to my place and am a very happy man, in terms of ticking all the boxes for me this girl does it, she is my perfect Thai girl in looks, but not really personality, anyway because she is so hot I keep her for the next month or two, but our relationship is not great as personality wise she is a bit difficult. so It is time for me to go back home again, and I leave her thinking we are done as I was fed up of her, but absence makes the heart fonder, so I miss her and get in contact, she wants to leave her job because the nights are late and the pay not great, tips are what keep these girls going so everybody please tip well these serving girls as they don’t get a big salary and some of them don’t want to go off with guys to make ends meet. My girl is in uni and lives in Ramkhamhaeng so any tips just pay for the taxi home at 2 am and then she has to be up for uni, so she wants to quit and I sponsor her so she can, and I arrange to come back in a few months to stay with her, she is 22 I am 31 at this stage, too much of an age difference in my opinion only 8 years and 11 months between us but she considers me too old for her, and I have to agree but I am hooked on her, so I am back and in the first few weeks I decide that it won’t work out between us but just as I am thinking I have to end this relationship she gets pregnant! So I decide I will give it a go for the sake of the child, things are not too bad between us but not great either, anyway we make the best of it, get married in Bangkok but she is from SiSaket we don’t go up there for it and there is no sin sot just a registry office, then it’s off to Veijatani private hospital for a delivery of daughter no.1, I secretly get a paternity test done straight away just to be sure. we then get stuck into baby raising which is great fun but our relationship is not getting better and between that and the fact she got an infection due to a botched delivery, we don’t have sex for the first 9 months after the baby, but one night we do and only once that month and bang! daughter No.2 is on the way, oops this was not the plan, but adapt I do and get on with, then we move back to my homeland as I don't want to raise my daughters with a Thai mentality, I want them to have a farang sense of logic and its safer here for them, I would worry about some rape situation with the local village boys up in Isaan, it’s not a good place to raise girls up there.

So 8 difficult years pass, we struggled on for this long but you can't make someone love you and It is not nice to be living in a zombie marriage, Thai people will get married for all sorts of reasons, in the west we are more into compatibility and love ideals, but its different to the Thai mind, I gave it my best shot but that is how it is, A marriage to a Thai person is very different from a conventional western marriage because the priorities and motivations from both parties are so different, I knew we were not compatible but married her to get my child back here, I hoped for the best, but she is too difficult to live with. My wife is a complicated creature and I admire some of her traits she has been faithful but not very honest with me in general and never made me feel that she was connected in this marriage. I am fond of her but what can I do? so my friends that is Why I married a Thai, why did you?




Stickman's thoughts:

I don't know why, but I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness and empathy….you your wife!