Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 319

  • Written by Dana
  • March 17th, 2012
  • 5 min read


Las Vegas

Attention Dana fans and Stickmanbangkok.com fans:

Here is some interesting and important news about Chiang Mai Kelly that only the insider business cognoscenti in the Kingdom are aware of. Basically, that means me. I know everything. I publish this as straight business news and also as a service to investors looking for a good investment. Ask yourself this question: how many other Stickmanbangkok.com writers do this? Exactly. That is the kind of guy I am. It is all about the love and all about humanity. Sometimes even I don't believe how wonderful I am.

THAILAND BUSINESS NEWS UPDATE

Chiang Mai Kelly, one of the top 10,000 Thai based business men of 2010, has successfully presented a new business idea to the new government administration and been awarded a ninety-nine year lease and business concession. To wit: he will be renting rowboats on the lake in Benjasiri Park next to the Emporium on Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok.

His grant was based on a rigorous detailed two page business plan; however, if any Stickmanbangkok.com readers have any suggestions on how this business could prosper and deliver product please send those ideas to me and I will forward them to Mr. Chiang Mai Kelly.

I think this is a winner idea and represents CMK's brain in action. After all, he wasn't one of the top 10,000 business people in the Kingdom in 2010 for nothing. Anyway, singles, couples, and groups (Chinese and Japanese) will be able to row around the lake: catching some rays, staring at the stars, talking to ducks, getting some exercise; the possibilities for fun are endless. When is the last time you quacked at a duck? Exactly. School groups could learn about drowning by throwing some kids out of the boats and into the water. Yes, cameras can be rented at the boathouse.

Chiang Mai Kelly's business plan mentioned league racing, lifeboat drills, photo opportunities, rowboats with three masted square rigs of sail, boats sporting bar colors and bar flags and bar names, etc. Imagine league racing with boats named the Fcuk You Bar, Tweety Bird Underpants Bar, Boom-Boom Bar, and the hotel Stick It Inn. Imagine what it is like to have a brain like Chiang Mai Kelly's brain.

Yes, Dana fans and Stickmanbangkok.com fans it's all part of Bangkok's 21st century future and Chiang (I call him Chiang) will be donating one satang for every one million baht of incoming revenue to be given to charity. He will be donating used cooking pots to Essan children to use as motorcycle helmets. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? Anyway, if you have any ideas for the enterprise send them to:

Dana Central Enterprises
Rajah Building
Soi 4, Sukhumvit Road
Bangkok, Thailand
c/o Benjasiri Park Rowing Centre Project Ideas (BPRCPI)

and I will see that he gets them. Obviously the idea of renting a row boat with your girlfriend and participating in adult activities in the boat come to mind. Don't even think about it and please do not send pictures. They make the office dogs bark. And, as an opportunity to once again reach out to Mr. Glowpurt Fongali of Scotland on Tyne; Muddy Boots, England: please stop sending in applications to the Dana Fan Club (DFC). Due to an incident that occurred in our offices here in the Rajah building in 2009 between you and my secretary Lick there is no way you are going to become a member. Your applications are now being put through the document shredder and used to line the bottoms of my bird cages.

"For many are invited, but few are chosen." — Matthew 22:14

Sincerely yours,
Dana

P.S. I know what you are thinking Stickmanbangkok.com readers. Franchises. Rowing centres could be located on the Chao Phraya River, klongs, the Chitralada Palace lake, Royal Turf Club, Saen Saep Canal, annual flooding opportunities, water features from sump pump failures in the subway, Lumpini Park, the Bang Sue Railway Station pond, the nice water feature behind the Port Authority, the wonderful lake behind the Makasan Railway Station, the great aquatic landscaping between Rachadapisek Road and the Tobacco Monopoly, and of course the popular duck and fish and snake and monitor lizard haven near the Ministry of Interior building off Ratsima Road. Well, fear not; franchise opportunities were covered in Chiang Mai Kelly's rigorous, detailed, two page business plan. Way ahead of you. You or your attorney or your accountant or your business agent or your girlfriend can contact me for more details. No, I do not get any kickbacks or rakeoffs or grease or 'special attention' by helping Chiang Mai Kelly. I do it to help humanity. Just like everything else I do in the Kingdom, it's all about the love.

And additionally, I know another thing you are thinking with your alpha western educated mind; investment opportunities. Yes, yes, and yes. Investors can have ten or twelve or sixteen foot rowboats named after themselves or a favorite enthusiasm. Example: Number 76 from the Kiss Me Quik Bar might cause an investor to have a boat named NUMBER 76. You get the idea. Plans are already afoot through the Dana Enterprises Charitable Giving Fund to have boats named DANA FAN CLUB, CHURCH OF DANA, and DANAISM. Boat naming ideas are already pouring in for ex-Thai girlfriends. You may not be living with Foom or Ting or Som anymore but you can still row her (no, mattresses can not be put in the bottom of the boats).

And Fa? I knew you'd ask. There will a custom built fourteen foot rowboat named FA at the Benjasiri facility. The name FA will be gold-leafed on the transom, her face will be painted on the oar blades, her transom seat will be covered with silk cushions, and a small refrigerator in the bow will hold soft cheeses, green grapes, Chang beers, and some horrible looking plastic packed Thai snack foods. The boat will be of varnished teak lapstrake construction, a canopy will protect Fa from the sun, and a purpose built boathouse will protect the FA when it is not being used. Yes, it can be chartered. Naturally, I will be the only one allowed to row the FA. You knew that.

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